Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hello all. I’m looking for some advice/support in relation to the separation I am going through please.
I don’t want to bore you, but I will start from the beginning. Please don’t judge me.
My son was unexpected. At the time me and his mother weren’t dating and in all honesty when she told me I was in a state of shock, disbelief and a bit of denial. I refused to accept it at first and didn’t talk to mum at all. When we finally did speak, I could only speak about abortion. (Now that I have my son, I hate myself for even thinking about this)
About 4 months into the pregnancy me and mum are getting on well. We start seeing each other a bit more and a relationship is growing.
Our son then decides he is bored of being inside and comes out 5 weeks early. He is without a shadow of a doubt, the best thing to ever happen to me.
Me and mum don’t live together, I live on my own, she lives with her parents. However following leaving hospital I couldn’t bare to go leave them, so I kind of moved into hers with her parents and we would spend the occasional weekend at mine.
10 weeks later, we have split up. I have moved out of her parents and see our boy once or twice a week. Whenever I have to leave, I’m in floods of tears on the way home.
I have tried to speak to her about having him on my days off, however she has said she doesn’t want to leave him alone with me. This makes me think she doesn’t trust me with him, however I have done nothing for her to think this.
When he was 3 weeks, she stopped breastfeeding as she got mastitis really badly a few times. However since the split she has started breastfeeding again.
She has also told me she plans on taking him on holiday, which I’m fine with, however she also said she wouldn’t trust me to take him away.
Basically what I’m asking is would it be worth me taking this down the family court route? And have any of you been in this situation, because it is truly killing me. I admit at the start I was an awful person, but I am unconditionally in love with my son and cannot survive only seeing him once or twice a week for a few hours.
If you guys can offer me anything, it would be so much appreciated.
Hi there
Becoming a parent is mind blowing and I’m not surprised that you're besotted with him!
He’s still very young and it’s quite natural for new mothers to be possessive, she’s still learning to care for him and probably feeling vulnerable.
I think going to court would be a mistake just now, but perhaps,you could suggest mediation with her to try and agree a schedule of regular contact that can be built up slowly.
Try and be patient with her, if you show her that you understand how she’s feeling and just go along with her for the next couple of months, once her hormones have settled down and her body is returning to normal, things may well improve.
All the best
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.