[Solved] Self-Representation of a potentially complex case

Good to hear there's been an about turn.

Yes it's important to have that letter with you when you travel and also you might want to carry a copy of your court order.

You should give mum the hotel, flight details etc before you travel. A court would usually expect you to provide that sort of info approx 6 weeks before you're due to travel.

Best of luck

Thank you.

However, I'm not convinced. Now that I have the court order in place and she knows that I must ask her permission for my child to travel she is now using that as a control mechanism.

Yesterday evening, my ex had got wind that I would be moving in a couple of months to my girlfriends which is approximately 40 minutes from her house. Right now, I am about 20 mins from her house and she will often drop my child off during the holidays when it's my time to have her and likewise, I take her home when it's time for her to go back.

She called me unhappy about the situation and said she wouldn't be dropping her off anymore and that I would have to pick her our child up and drop her off and if I wasn't happy with that my ex suggested I take her back to court to sort that out and also threw in the holiday by saying you can take me back to court for that too.

I didn't expect her to be happy and she knows she cannot control me anymore however she seems to be using the holiday as leverage to try and get her own way again but I'm not biting.

I think what I am going to do is send a letter to her or an email that asks for permission to take my child on holiday on the specified dates etc and ask her to sign it and if she doesn't respond within a reasonable amount of time I assume she doesn't give consent and I'll have to remove my child from the booking.

It will be a real shame if I have to do that but the only other option is to play her game and take her back to court where I'll have to pay AGAIN and go through the process AGAIN and I'm just not willing to do that. It's frustrating that I have to ask permission when I have shared care and I'm the one that pushed for a court order to be put in place.

Why would you remove your daughter from the booking rather than return to court to have the order enforced? Doesn't seem fair to me that your daughter would miss out on a holiday.

With regard to sharing the travel, unless it's in a court order, then she can refuse to assist with the travel.

The reason why I would remove her from the booking is if my ex refused to let her travel. Your right, it's not fair on my daughter and it annoys me that I even have to have this conversation purely because she knows she has some control over this. I feel as though I need to keep her happy just so I can take my little girl on holiday, its wrong!

Right now she is playing games and using that as leverage and I don't want to get to a stage where it is too late to go through the court process again and have her miss out anyway because she won't let her go. Then I would've paid for court again, my child would've lost out on the holiday and I would've lost even more money purely because my ex wants to play games.

What if my ex signs a letter saying that she consents to my child coming on holiday and then later goes back on her consent again before the holiday, does the letter still stand?

Let's say I did pay up again and take her back to court, what are the chances of my child being able to go? Would they enforce the order for all holidays in the future or just the one I would like to take her on?

Would the fact that I'm moving in with my girlfriend cause issues?

Could you not just agree to you doing the pick ups and drop offs for the time being until after the holiday?
Or ask if she would meet you half way?

At the end of the day a 40min drive versus not seeing your child seems a no brainer (in my opinion) yes it puts you out and the ex will revel in it but i used to do all the travelling for my child, ex wouldn’t go more than a mile from her house yet i had too if i wanted to see my child.

If you or she were moving several hours away then i get the “she won’t control me again” way of thinking but seriously 40mins is nothing if you have plenty of time with your child.

I don’t know you and i’m not judging you but seems a small price to pay to see your child.

Hi Dad-i-d,

We did agree to pick up and drop-off's but now I'm moving she wants to change the goal posts. I would never let my child down and I know if it comes to it and she doesn't drop her off I will go and get her or ask for an alternative arrangement to be put in place i.e. meet half way.

Pick your battles regarding the pick ups and drop offs.

With regard to enforcing the order, the judge would likely give her a warning and tell her to comply. You could go for costs if she deliberately refuses the holiday. Costs are rarely awarded in family cases but in this situation they are often awarded.

If it got to 1 or 2 weeks before the holiday and she refused, you can go to court in person for an urgent hearing. It doesn't cost any extra to do that & you can still ask for costs from the mother.