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To cut a very long story short I have been told by the Cafcass case officer (who has been fantastic througout) that my ex has finally agreed to let me see my children. This will take place with the Cafcass officer present.
My ex maintains that the children will be there against their wishes (brain washed!) but that she will allow them to attend.
What can I expect from this meeting? Am I being assessed? What if it is a disaster and they won't talk to me? I asked if I need to take or do anything and she said it would be a good idea to take age relevant comics or magazines for each of them (seems odd to me!).
The cafcass officer has told me that she will be recommending that contact is granted as there is no reason why not and she has evidence that my ex is influencing the children and what they say.
Any advice on such meetings welcomed!!
It's what's called an observational visit and yes you will be assessed.
Go fully prepared with things for the children to do with you, books, colouring in books and crayons and games and perhaps something to eat and drink... In the same way you would when taking the children out, be prepared!
Try not to worry too much about their reaction, as the CAFCASS officer has already address this by saying that she has evidence of alienation and negative influence over the children.
How long is it since you have seen the children and what age are they, of you don't mind me asking..
Thanks for the reply.
The children are 6 and 12. I have not seen them since February apart from once when we were all at a christening at the same time. I made a point of talking with both children much to my ex's chagrin.
It was a little awkward at first but after a couple of minutes both were fine and chatted happlily for 10 minutes or so until their mother came back.
All other attempts at contact have been rebuffed. Changing phone numbers, ignoring messages etc. I have done all I can. I attend school parents evenings and plays etc. Send cards and gifts for birthdays and get no acknowledgment. She has severed all ties with my mum and sister so they no longer see their grandchildren / nieces etc.
Yet she still maintains she is actively encouraging the children to see me and that she always promotes me and my family in a positive manner!!
I think from what you say about how they were at the christening, and because of their ages the CAFCASS visit will be fine!
You could take some cards from their gran and auntie, clear it with CAfCASS first, but if the mother is saying she is actively promoting you and your family then there should be no objection.
As its just an hour and you haven't seen each other properly since February, you'll have lots to chat about! I would say some mags and sweets/fruit,and something to drink would be enough,and any little gifts you think would be appropriate...they won't have changed that much and everything that you know they like will still be relevant.
Just be yourself and make the most of your time with them, you deserve it! Avoid talking about their Mum, rather just concentrate on things like school and just general catching up...let them know you have never stopped loving them and thinking about them and just try to reassure them that you and mum are working hard to get things back to normal. That way it keeps it neutral...You watch once the three of you get started the time will fly by
I can't help but be apprehensive. I have spoken with the cafcass officer who assures me it is nothing to worry about and it is just the first step in reinstating contact.
We are in court at the end of November and she wanted some form of contact to have taken place prior to that to show that there is no reason why I shouldn't have contact (building to regular overnight stays). It is all down to my ex as to why we are in the situation we are in. I and the children had a perfectly loving relationship until I was asked to move out and then it all changed and as the months have gone by it has got worse.
All caused by viscious parental alienation which was of course rumbled the first time the children met with cafcass (they say children don't know how to lie, so very true!). The evil things that my ex got them to say sicken me to the core but I fight on and I will get what is right.
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