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Hi
This may be along topic, to explain.
I seperated with my girlfriend before she gave birth, but i did attend the birth of hower son, I also visited every day for the first few days, My girlfriend father then told me to keep away and never to visit her again. This was one of the reasons of the why the relationship broke down.I dont really want to go into the early months of my problem, because its sort of sorted, but i am not the bad person here.I have fighted for the rights to see my son from when is was around 6 months old. I have been told and also a dna result as been brought to my attention that the child is not mine, but its the son of her boyfriend before me. Anyway now my son is 14 months old and i have my own dna results done through the courts and this shows i am the father. My ex girlfriend also had her boyfriends name put onto the birth certificate as th father, I believe also she as never had her own dna done to make her new boyfriend as the father.
Update news as from today
My father as been emailing my ex girlfriend boyfriend mother and as been getting some good results, but before i carry on i will put names to the people im am writing about.
New boyfriend = Don, My ex girlfriend the mother of my son = Susan and the boyfriends mother is = Julie, these are not the real names, but using them may speed up my topic.
Last week i did manage to see my son for the first time since he was 3 days old, This was arranged my Julie which i was only given one hour, It was very nerve racking for me but excited at the same time. This visit was arrange from Julie who is trying at this moment to put things right by making Susan accept i should be involved now we know who the real father is.
The downside of this was the boyfriend Don was also there and the ex & boyfriend would not talk to me, If it was not for julie this really would have been difficult. I was even not aloud to take any photos and i was also made a wear that i was Daniel to my son and Don was the daddy, But they can do what they like all i need was to see how my son had grown up.
My father as been emailing Julie to try and speed thing up to get things corrected and also wanted a copy of the dna which they had done to make Don the father. Julie had payed £300 for her dna, which we have not seen yet.
She as been very willing to help get her son of the birth cert and get my name place on it as the reall father. Also asking already about money for the up bringing of my new found son.
My father also told her that it would like to have a copy her so called dna results that cost £300, For this is their reason her son was placed on the birth cert. Because without that important document, it could be perjury.
She replied back that we now know the truth of who the father is so lets move forward.
So my fathers knows what is needed to alter this important birth cert and they are only too helpful to apply.
Now they are asking my father why we still want to proceed with the courts, and want sort of visting access that i would like to deal out of court.
It seem something is being hidden somewhere, but its looking better for me.
I wll tread careful as to get the correction placed on the birth cert, this would then give me parental rights.
What my father as acheived would have taken my solictor ages.
Now they are asking what arrangments i would like to see my son, But i not sure all i know i would like to have him as much as i can, then this christmas would be the best ever.
First Month
Once a day per week with the mother or Julie supervising ?
Second Month
Once a day staying with me at my parents house without supervision
Third Month
Overnight stops leading to weekend stops
Would you think the monthly plans above are asking to much, Remebering my son is 14 months and really as never knew me or is reall grandparents
Chris
Hi Chris.
A complex one, and I think the Childrens Legal Centre will answer far more fully. However, since some progress has been made, I would say that your case is perfect for mediation as it sounds like you are already part of the way there - if you can do this, then it will be much easier, cheaper and, in the long term, better for all concerned than going to court.
As you are now established as the father, you should be paying maintenance so it's worth working out what the CSA would calculate (in your case, for one child, 15% of take home pay with an allowable deduction of costs involved in seeing your son), and it may be worth volunteering to pay this sooner rather than later as it will show that you have an interest in the welfare of your son, and may smooth the way a little more.
Hi Chris,
Welcome to DadTalk. I will pass this onto the Childrens Legal Centre who are our legal experts. It may take a few days for them to respond so hang in there.
Sounds like a tough situation to be in, but on the upside you seem to be committed and patient. I have a feeling that softly softly is the best approach. Don't expect too much too quickly and take it slowly.I'm glad that both your father and Julie have been fighting your corner.
keep us posted on your situation.
Regards
Gooner
Fathersfight - oh man I really feel for you.
It was very nerve racking for me but excited at the same time
I can imagine how you felt. you seem like a sound bloke and no matter what went on in your relationship with your son's mother - you want to be involved and part of your kids life that's the most important thing. I agree with actd that you should get the money sorted as soon as poss .
Your plan sounds OK to me, but then I'm not your ex. Again,actd is right on the money, this situ sounds ideal for mediation as you are already making agreements via third parties (albeit your family and someone connected to your ex) .
good luck mate. really hope it works out
I have a meeting with the ex today, Lete see how it turns out.
She also gave me a list what my son needs, thats no problem and i have noted all reciepts and photos of items brought.
I have to this because this girl is: best not say, Maybe ill for what she as been upto.
Chris
Hi Chris
I hope your meeting with your ex goes well today. It sounds as if you are being very mature and methodical in your approach. Seeing your baby son will no doubt have choked you up and stirred up all sorts of emotions for you. Once your ex sees that you want to be an involved dad and are taking your responsibility seriously, hopefully things will start to move in your favour.
All the best
mikey
Hi all thanks for replies.
Well meeting went as planned today. I have already mentioned what access i would have liked in my opening letter of this topic.
Now i will rewrite the letter for what she told me to sign for.
letter below:
...................................................................................................................................................
Re: Childs name
I (mothers name) am ofering the following access for (my son) with Chris ( note not daddy ) at the meeting taking place 29th october at 3pm between Chris and myself.
Month One
Fornightly visits with supervision for 2 hours
Month two
Weekly visits with supervision for 3 hours
Month four
Fornightly visits without supervision fro 2 hours
Month five
Weekly visits without supervision for 2 hours
Month six
Weekly visitis without supervision fro 2 hours
To be reviewed once (my son) is 2 years of age regarding stop overs.
End of letter
.......................................................
So at the meeting she did give me a smile and i accept the conditions as its better than the first quote of one hour per month.
But i have added the hours up to a total of 48 hours i will see my son in the next past 6 months.
Alot different to my plan, but beggars have to take what they can get.
She also ask for my father to stop emailing her new boyfriends mother and that we should do the rest ourselfs, She as now also given me her email address.
My fathers opion feels i have been badly robbed and seems it just one big game.
Also i have found out in this meeting that my son as 2nd degree heart block, I have read up on this and found out this may lead to a pacemaker in his future.
Why are some people so evil, my son could have a great future with all the love we can all offer and what he is already getting.
Chris
Dear Chris,
Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, an independent charity concerned with law and policy affecting children and young people.
Generally you are able to suggest any contact that you feel is appropriate for your son to the mother. It appears that what you are asking is not unreasonable as it allows the child to become used to you and build a relationship with you prior to being left alone with you for long periods of time.
However it may be more appropriate to see how the child reacts to the contact before putting in place a rigid structure for when things should progress and possibly try to be flexible with the contact depending on your son, as he may require more time than this to become comfortable with the arrangements.
As the resident parent the mother will have the final say on any contact and is able to refuse this if she does not feel what you are suggesting is suitable, or make alterations to this if she wishes.
As others have said, it appears that there is some possibility for negotiation in this situation and mediation is likely to be quite useful if you can not come to an agreement amongst yourselves. For further information on mediation you are able to contact National Family Mediation on 01392 271610.
If this does get to the stage where you feel that the contact is not reasonable, or the mother is not negotiating with you, you do have the ability to take this matter to court and apply for a contact order.
Should you do this then the court will look at all the circumstances and will decide on what contact is best for the child and would put an order into place stating this. Any court order is legally binding and the mother would be required to make your son available to you on the times stated.
If the mother and the person registered as the father agree that you are the father, then you and they are able to attend the registry office and ask that the birth certificate is changed to name you as the father.
Should the mother refuse to do this, then you are able to ask the court to alter this. The court may order a further DNA test should the mother deny that you are the father, and assuming this proves that the child is yours then the court are able to order your name be placed onto the birth certificate.
Legally speaking, maintenance and contact are not related, and if the matter does go to court the court will not look at whether you are paying maintenance. It is still advisable that you do attempt to come to some form of arrangement regarding this with the mother, as this may make her more open to negotiating the contact, and may prevent her from trying to approach the CSA.
We hope that this information is useful to you, should you require any further advice, please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre.
Hi All
I have gathered up plenty of info.
For now my plans are to settle for what as been offered and see if thing get more better or worse.
Its close to Christmas and i am hoping she will see the benefits of the child having both parents in his life.
As you have read before its been 14 months without seeing him. Now with what i have been doing she should see i do want to take full Responsibility for my son.
Chris
Hi
More [censored] news, after agreeing to her terms i should have seen my son Sunday or Monday. I have not heard from her and it seems like my son is being used like a knife just to hurt me.
I think i will carry on through the courts and try and get what i can.
Chris
That's bad news mate.
She's given you no reason for this ? Was she interested in mediation ?
You need to talk to her about what happened on Sunday and Monday ? It does sound like your jumping through hoops to make this happen and your meeting resistance all the way.
I'd try to go for mediation first, but if that fails, then the first step in court would be a conciliation meeting. At that point, if both of you agree, then the court can make an order there and then, and there are penalties if she doesn't stick to this. Hopefully, this will mean you don't have to go through the full court process.
The courts tried mediation and it was only me turn up. Even going to court the three times,she as never attended so far. But she wants me to back away from court.
I have now seen my son again, the reason the other time never happened is she reckon my son was ill.
I believe that she thinks i accept her terms of how to see my son, and now wants me to tell my solictor to go withh her plans.
I am sort of playing along just to see my son, but i am hoping the courts give me alot more.
Also i have managed to get the birth certificate sorted out to the correct names and she is placing me on there s the father.
Chris
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