Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hello.
I'm looking for some advice please? Maybe someone who has been through something like this before?
My wife and I had two children but split up about 5 years ago. In that time my wife has gone on to have several short term relationships which have resulted in DV and abortion and now she is with someone new and has a new daughter.
Long story short. Mother has been making contact very difficult over last 2 years and has been attacking my partner by threatening her and poisoning the children against her. Mother also recently physically attacked me. Mother says children don't want to visit of my partner is with me and that the children don't want to see me if my partner is here. The fact is my partner has a good relationship with the children when they see her and they like her but apparently tell their mum otherwise.
My eldest has always wet the bed but during the last 2 years mother has blamed that on my partner making my eldest anxious. My children see alot of conflict from their mother towards us and she is using my family to attack us too... My mother and sisters are regularly contacted by my wife who tells them her version of events and gets my eldest to tell my family things too! (Things I know that have been put into my child's head)
I have attended MIAM. Wife refused.
We have had cafcass telephone interview. Wife loves but nothing major.
We have attended FHDRA at court. Outcome:
Interim court order.
I have children every other weekend.
My partner cannot be present.
Mother to submit doctor letter re. Mental health
Section 7 report.cafcass.
Cafcass interview children.
Cafcass interview my partner.
Discover whether police checks necessary.
Cafcass request info from school and child's doctor.
My partner is a teacher and has all the safeguards and checks and is brilliant with the children. All this has come from mother saying my partner shouts (untrue). My eldest only wets the bed when in my wife's care.
Does anyone know whether the court can make my partner stay away in definitely based on nothing? We plan on moving in together and having our own family. I'm worried that because they've said it once in the interim order that could just say it again when we go back to court.
Does anyone know how cafcass/family court treat partners? Thanks
Hi there
You should let the court know that you are planning to move in together and that when the children are with your partner they enjoy her company. Explain that whilst you are happy for contact not to include her whilst further checks are being done, you hope that this is only a short term measure, otherwise it will set a precedent with the children and create real problems when you begin living together.
If you’ve been asked to prepare a statement you could incluse this in there.
With your partner being a teacher and cleared in safeguarding etc, they shouldn’t have a problem with her, it’s good that the court are including her in the section 7 report and I would look at that as a positive sign.
It’s impossible to predict what will happen, but just keep everything child focused when speaking to CAFCASS, avoid bad mouthing the mother and always remain calm and reasonable. Be understanding, make suggestions and offer compromises, such as a gentle reintroduction of your partner to the children, or perhaps suggest some supervised contact with your partner, so that they can see how well she gets on with the children.
Best of luck
Hello, thank you for your reply. We emailed the solicitor for advice on the impact on the children or my partner staying away. We are hoping to write to the court outlining our position and hope to ask for permission to submit evidence on her relationship with the children to the court. We have decided to ask for school drop offs and pick ups too to ease tension.
We will keep you updated.
Your solicitor should ask the court for permission to file a statement with evidence, I’m surprised it wasn’t included in the order.
If you don’t have permission you could prepare a brief two page position statement to take with you to the next hearing, although you can’t attach evidence to this type of statement, you could mention what evidence you have in it, and state that you will have it with you at the hearing if the court wishes to have sight of it.
Handovers at school really do simplify matters where there is hostility, so it’s a good idea to ask for that.
All the best
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.