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I am sorry to hear about the struggles you are facing with your son. I just want to echo some of the good suggestions offered in earlier posts.
The school does have a responsibility to work with you to carry out the plans you have tried to put in place. Do keep pushing here, and if you are not getting traction, you could look at the school complaints policy to see what your next steps are - as others have suggested, this might include contacting the governors and / or the local authority to explain your position. In terms of solutions, looking at the possibility of a reduced time-table might help initially, to get your son back into school, as will pressing the school to demonstrate that they are doing all they can to support your son (pastoral care, support with any friendship issues, identifying and addressing any additional needs which may be making studying a struggle, some tutoring support to help catch up with work missed so that it is not a barrier to coming in etc). Not knowing your local area, and this is a more drastic option, it may or may not be possible to look at moving schools if you think that might make a difference, but it would be important to involve your son early on in any such discussions.
It must be hard for you if your son is saying he does not want to see you at weekends, but please don't give up. Make sure he knows you simply want to spend time with him because you love him, not just to nag him about school. Meeting in a neutral location is a good idea, and f you cannot see him in person, do persist with other means of keeping in touch - Facetime calls, messages etc. How is his relationship with his older brothers? If he looks up to them, might they be able to help in some way to get alongside your son to see what might be troubling him or to understand the reasons for his school refusals? Counselling is really worth pursuing, and some areas have local mentoring schemes, to support young people.
You clearly care deeply about your son, and are working hard to get the best outcomes for him. I do hope you start to make some progress, no matter how small. Make sure you take time to look after yourself too.
Fegan's Parent Support
@caravan His mum has just messaged me to let me know there is a meeting at school next week to go through a support plan.
He was only 9 months when we separated, so never knew us together, but he has said he is jealous of his younger brother (my son with my fiancée) as he thinks he gets more.
That may look like it as we live together, but it’s not the case as I have explained numerous times, and discussed this with his mother.
That's good to hear about the meeting with the school. I hope it is helpful for all of you. Do write a list of the things you want to cover and take it with you to the meeting - it's so easy to get caught up in the discussion and forget some of the things you wanted to cover.
It's also good to see that your son is able to articulate some of what he is feeling with respect to your relationship with him. Even if it might not tally with the facts of how things are, you can acknowledge how he is feeling and encourage him to tell you what he would like to do when you have time together. It doesn't have to be expensive - anything which allows you to spend 1-1 time together. It may well require further patience on your part, but hang in there because you are laying really important foundations for when he does want to share more with you. As others have said, it's a roller-coaster time for him at his age, and although he may not be able to express it clearly, having loving and consistent support from both you and his Mum through these challenges is important. You are doing your best for him.
I hope the meeting goes well next week.
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