[Solved] Rights to see my children

Hi and welcome.

I'll move this post to the legal eagle section in the next day or so.

Firstly, whatever you do, don't give up. Hopefully, Crazybabymother might see this and post on here - he's been where you are, but if he doesn't see this, then search out his posts - I think he is pretty inspirational as far as coming back from the lowest of the low to having a good level of contact.

As for rights, yes you do have a right to see your children. You can no longer get legal aid to go to court, but you can self represent, plenty of people on here have done so with a some good successes. You normally are expected to go through mediation, but this costs, so I believe that you can avoid this on grounds of cost when you apply to court for a contact order. Take a look at yoji's guide to representing yourself at the top of the legal eagle section, and keep posting back here - you'll get plenty of advice.

Hi louieblue and welcome 🙂

..I'm so glad that you decided to say hello on here instead of that goodbye... I understand that your situation has been bleak and more than a little hopeless at the beginning of your troubles... but it sounds like you are slowly getting back on your feet, you've found a roof over your head and the strength to start looking for a way back to your children. You've found us and we will help and support you as much as we can.

Actd mentioned Mediation, I'll give you a link to the Mediation Service. I think that although Legal aid is no longer available, the funding for help with Mediation costs might still be in place. Its worth having a look and asking about it. 🙂

www.nfm.org.uk

Thanks NJ, didn't know about the possible continuing aid for mediation - learn something new every day 🙂

Here take a look...

www.nfm.org.uk/changes-to-legal-aid

Thank you to both of you. I went to see citizens advice beaureax today and have a meeting scheduled for next week. I also wondered if I went to the children's school to tell them that I actually want to see them and its not me stopping that, whether that that could be portrayed as a 'stunt' and used against me further down the line? I just don't want my kids to think I don't want to see them. I know they are getting fed a load false information.

This is the type of message I was receiving via email. My phone had indeed been cut off.
This is also not the typical vocabulary of my ex. I'm pretty certain it was written by her new partner who she has been seeing for less than a month and has. Never met me.

Unfortunately it is very evident that your phone has not been cut off. "Why do you say that?" you may ask. Firstly the emails you are sending to me are coming from an iPhone, and please do not insult my intelligence by denying this and adding to the plethora of lies from yourself. Secondly to compound your lies even more, the most damning of evidence against you is the fact your mobile phone bill shows you haven't been disconnected!!
How you expect me to trust you with the welfare of our children in your care for even a day is beyond me, when you live in your Walter Mitty world of lies and deceit.
I feel that your lies upon lies has not shown me that you are a responsible adult, let alone a responsible father. Which is disappointing for our children.
And on a final closing note our youngest has a name, and has not been 'baby' since his birth name band. His name as I'm sure you can remember from your disgraceful and embarrassing behaviour in the Registry Office is Luieblue.
You are a pompous, condescending, odious little man.

If I go into the school to tell the kids I love them and want to see them, is that something that can be used against me?

I think I gave out too much info and have erased this post

Hi , my brother was in the same position as you a few years back, he was so very sad and he had lost his kids his home his wife. None of it was his doing but the ex made him pay in the way that all women seem too , Its disgusting and women who use their kids against fathers should have the kids took of them and given to the fathers, see how they like it , GGGRRR rant over .
Ok you need to take action, first you have parental responsibility so this is good, I advise you not to turn up at the school as this will cause you trouble and as from now you need to do every thing by the book and be like snow white. You can write to the school asking for updates on there schooling and how they are doing. Fill in a c100 form you can find this on the Gov website (follow the sticky in the legal section on here ), you are applying for contact, the fee is £200 but if you are unwaged this can be reduced. the c100 needs to be sent to the magistrates court nearest to where your children live, you will get a court date within 5/6 weeks, the first hearing is just for direction this means the court will decide what action is to be taken, the action is usually on the advise of cafcass , they will phone you and your ex a few days before court , they will ask if you have any welfare concerns regarding the children, she will be going along the lines that you are not capable like she or her boyfriend as put in the email, not having a mobile is not grounds to stop you having your children but communication is very important, email is fine . I would send her a letter asking her if you could please see the children for a couple of hours a week , (this can be extended later) she will probably say no but at least you have tried , keep copies of everything. Explain in section 7 of the c100 form what has happened .you can do this on a separate piece of paper as the box is not very big
Its not what she wants or you its what's best for the children and they have every right to see there father. Cafcass and the courts will want you both to go to mediation and no doubt order this, so don't wait to be ordered start the ball rolling, phone up and make an appointment , the first thing they will do is asses you for legal aid , explain when you phone that you are not working, they will tell you what to take. Don't waste any more time take action ...

...I can feel your distress louieblue, and I read the post before you deleted it. I've got to be honest with you, the messages you sent havent done you any favours....she comes across as being calm and reasonable wheras your messages are quite angry...shes far more in control and its evident in her responses.

Please dont go to the school to see the children, this could back fire on you and she could use this against you too. You have to be really careful from now on, and box clever as she has done. Use her messages to your benefit, she talks a lot about wanting you to have a relationship with the children, but knows which buttons to push to get the desired reaction from you so that she can justify keeping you away....dont take the bait. She says she wants you in the childrens lives so re-position yourself so that she has no reason to refuse it!

You need to start playing the game, I hate to use the word game but thats what it boils down to....Your responses from now on need to be squeaky clean. Give it a couple of weeks and then write her a letter apologising for your angry outbursts at Xmas. Tell her that you have had time to think about what she has said and you have taken it on board... you realize that a change of attitude is needed and you are prepared to work with her to put things right for the benefit of the children. Invite her to attend Mediation and explain that this is an important part of the healing process that will help both of you to move forward in the right way. It will give you both an opportunity to discuss what is best for the children and talk through the issues and come to some agreement about how to proceed.

If she wont agree to unsupervised contact suggest that contact be supervised at a playcentre, have you got a family member that she gets on with...you mentioned your mum was allowed to visit with the children at Xmas, would having your mum around during visits be a solution? If not then there are Contact Centres that you could suggest using.

I think you have to accept that things arn't going to change overnight, its going to take time. But if you put the effort in you can turn it around and find a way back into your childrens lives. 🙂

I know you're right. The way I felt when I sent those messages was not a reflection of who I am (wish I could let you see me but I remain anonymous) , but every day I feel the pain if not even been given the time to sort things out after the pregnancy. Some of the places I slept including a woods car park that turned out to be a cottaging woods and many other horrors along the way. Andwhat got to me the most was that she at that point let me pick up the older three children, but not my baby. I've literally had him ten times for two hours a time on a weds. And half of the times I was supposed to have him she cancelled saying he was ill or couldn't make it back . One excuse or another. It' has made me both angry and sad and knowing there is someone else in my old home holding my baby while I'm not seeing my kids at all isn't helping me cope or lose my anger towards her. I will hold off going into the school but I honestly don't know how much longer I can cope without seeing my kids.

Please dont give up hope...The fact that she had allowed unsupervised visits from May to December will go in your favour. Its been three months since you had contact so I think you need to have a plan of action. Mediation is your first step and you can get funding to cover the cost as you are out of work.

If you think she might respond more favourably to an official request to attend Mediation then the Mediator will write to her and invite her to attend. Make an appointment with them and go along and have a chat about the issues and what you would like to achieve. Once thats done the Mediator will write to your ex and invite her to attend. If she agrees, she will meet with them and talk about her concerns and what she would like to have agreement on. The Mediators are trained to look for common ground and a way forward that can work for all parties. After you have both met with the Mediator, the next step is to attend together and with the guidance of the Mediator talk things through and hopefully reach an agreement.

If she refuses to attend you will be issued with a form FM1, this will be needed to show the court that Mediation was attempted and it will also go to show that you are trying to be reasonable and find a way forward, it will show her to be obstructive and unreasonable.

You can do this louieblue, and the sooner you get the ball rolling the sooner you will get to see your children.

Hi louieblue.
sorry to read of your plight (read your posts before you deleted), Nannyjane is bang on with advice, I was in place similar to you, but no matter how difficult it is emotionally you must take your EX out of the equation and concentrate on what you want for and with your children...ANGER CLOUDS JUDGEMENT!!!...she has no feelings for you, no sympathy for you, so therefore is not hurting as you are and can deal with this situation coldly, clinically and remains in control my friend. As Nannyjane says you have to "play the game" to show her your maturity, responsibility and ability to look after and care for the children....it does not matter how much you may have shown this in the past.....it does not matter that she was in the wrong and how much injustice there is that you should have to do this...SHE IS IN CONTROL....and YOU have to get there!! There is loads of support on here and if I can be of any help I'm there, it's a long hard road my friend but I did it and the reward is MY CHILDREN.

Good luck.....no...you don't need luck...patience!!

I finally saw someone at the c.a.b yesterday . Their knowledge seemed moderately more my own. However they did say that having my mobile phone cut off was no reason why I shouldn't be able to see my kids...what got my ear and seemed to be the only real nugget of information was that it stated somewhere that "it is not the right of the parent to stop the child seeing the parent" , it is up to the child to decide if they want to see their parent. I'm assuming this has an age Limit to take into account. My kids are 8, 6, 5, and the baby will turn one next month. My baby clearly isn't old enough to verbally communicate that he wants to see me, let alone remember me. I'm actually scared that when I do eventually see him, that the bond won't be there and he'll even be scared to see me.

Does anyone know anything about this side of things?

I also found this on fathers rights and children's rights

http://www.blanchardslaw.co.uk/blog/things-you-may-not-know-about-fathers-rights/

This does give me hope and makes indicates that my ex is in fact obstructing the law. It is the child's right to see the parents, not the parents right to stop them. The questions I have are regarding age and whether I can just waltz in and state the law says this or whether I have to do this via mediation. I haven't phoned anyone yet. Struggling with my patience. Every day that goes past is torture. the children's school is literally three houses , a jitty and 12 more houses away. I can't see it but I can hear them every morning, lunch and home time.

This too

http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/uploads/media/17/7222.pdf

Could be useful for others