[Solved] right to see daughter and issues raised

Hi

First off, welcome to Dadtalk and I am sorry to hear about this horrendous situation and the allegations made against you by your ex. You mention that you have a solicitor and I hope he is giving you appropriate advice about what you can do. I have not experienced this level of vindictiveness myself but perhaps other dads can give you advice about this. Keep a record of dates, times, letters etc. as this will help to strengthen your case. I hope that you get a court date soon and that contact can be started as soon as possible. Do let us know what happens.

I hope this helps.

Thanks mike

finally got a court date through, and it is only a couple of weeks away, she has had letter and now is on holiday for 3 days, including the day of the court and my daughters birthday, how convenient, i just wonder who takes a baby away in feb and not abroard as she doesnt have a passport. will update when i finally do get to court, if it ever happens lol

Hi All

just a quick update, finally got it to court after waiting an additional month of messing about etc
Still not got any access yet although things are looking up, she is running out of opions to accuse me of, all records show nothing on them as expected but she decided to throw into the equation that i now have a serious drink problem, again this is not true, also the main reason why i still carnt get access is that she wants me to have an assessment done to ensure i not mental, even though all records and people views so far suggest she is again just delaying things and another lie. This means the assessment will take about 13 weeks to do (a lot of money wasted in most peoples opinion at the hearing) and another 4 weeks for the courts to go through so looking at another court date at the end of june. See what else i am suppossed to have done by then.
Hopefully will have more to update soon, i feel i am getting closer to seeing my daughter and i really dont mind doing all these tests as i know i have nothing to hide and look at things on the positive side. The best way is not to do anything silly as this would play into there hands and co-operate fully as the only person looking silly at end is not you

hi

I'm finally glad you are getting somewhere, please be patient and remember that your daughter is the aim.

thanks for the update

Mags

Generally, in family cases, costs aren't awarded against either party. The only exception I'm aware of is where one party is deliberately malicious against the other (I can't remeber the case) - it may be worth your solicitor finding the case and telling your ex that you are considering asking for a ruling for expenses against her. You won't necessarily succeed, but the possibility that you might may just stop her from throwing false accusations against you.

Hi All

hope everyone is doing well, just an update to say that i have been to have my physcic assessment, again all clear on all matters from my gp reports, letter from mental hospital hospital to say they have no records of me and also nothing on my police records again!! Just had to answer the questions from the doctor so he could do his report, but he ran out of things to ask as there wasnt anything on medical records for him to ask about, so was a chat about my lifestyle and how things had got to this stage really. Ended with the doctor wishing me the best of luck at my court date as he basically couldnt find anything wrong, so now just waiting for the report to go back to the court etc by the 14th june and then back in court on the 1st july, although this time not in family court but it has been transferred to the high court for some reason, When i get anymore news will post it on here. Also if anyone would like any advice on what i have been through and what i have done to resolve it then please leave a message or send me a personal message and i will get back to them

Losty,

Good luck man. Really glad all your assessments seem to have gone well. I will have my fingers crossed for you on the 1st July.

keep us in the loop.

That is great news. I really hope things go well for you in court too in July. Please let us know what happens.

All the best.

Good luck mate, I'm in court on friday to try and get better access to my kids who love being with me but my ex thinks 56hrs a month is adiquate.

the systems are out of date and issues toward caring fathers need to be changed.

pete.

good luck to both lostguy and pete.

pete can you let us know how it goes mate.

Gooner

Hi All

just another quick update, got my assessment report back this week. which is early, nothing on it as expected and says contact should be started asap but without any of her family present due to the circumstances she has caused, so thats another step forward as originally i was going to have to have supervised visits with a member of her family, these supervised visits only until my daughter gets to know me. then no reason why i carnt have unsupervised contact. My solicitor already wrote to the court and her solicitor requesting court date be brought forward as it has been well over a year since i last saw my dauhgter not even had a picture of my daughter!!! Will post again once i get more news on the court date and any other issues that may be raised, nothing would suprise me lol

LG,

Nice one matey. Sooooooo good to hear good news on here.

The Normal4Norfolk posse have all our web fingers crossed for you.

Hi All

well finally at court again today as they wasnt able to bring to the date forward, will update here later when i get back, hopefullly will be some good news but to be honest i am expecting anything due to what has gone before

Regards

L

Hi all

Just got back from court, what an ordeal again, something new was brought up yet again, it is amazing what some people would do. Even got annonymous witnesses to being with me when i was arrested by the police and cautioned and given an assessment!!! even though this is just a complete lie again, i was shocked and amazed that someone would do that. There plan was to keep it going for another 6 months without contact. Eventually got some kind of agreement, as i will get to see my daughter for the first time in over a year within the next 14 days, for 2 hours a week for now, under supervision as she does not know me and then back in court within 3 months so i can get unsupervised visits going!!! got out of court and she then came back saying she was on holiday shortly so contact wouldnt be able to made, surprise surprise!! i am just really happy that i can finally get to see my daughter who i have not even had a picture or anything of since may 2009!!!! lets hope she turns up as i wouldnt put it past her not to turn up, there is other circumstances to the agreement but at least it has moved forward and hopefully will now get easier!!

Lostguy

Thats a start mate.

Bet you can't wait to see her. Try not to let this bitter battle get you down (easy to say I know). Keep your eye on the prize, your daughters right to have contact with her Dad.

Hi All

Just thought i would update on my situation, i have been going to contact since the 12th July and every monday since that date, apart from her not turning up a couple of times. The contact was a nightmare to start with as she did everything possible to stop me getting near my daughter, dissapearing outside with my daughter for a smoke etc, after a few letters to try and improve this we have ended up going to court for a contested hearing, due on 20th October. Since the date was set my ex actually made an effort at the contact but then dint turn up the week after and then the week after that she sent her father instead of her, he spoke me about a few things and offered me a few things to stop me going to court, although unsupervised contact was not offered!!! he also stated all the things that i have had to prove wrong what she said, they now believe i have not done them, a bit late i think. Will keep you updated when the court date has passed

Lostguy

hi all

hope everyone is well. had my court date on the 20th october and surprise surprise my ex brought something else to the table, now saying she wants a paternity test doing and also that i am incapable of looking after children. The court have thrown out all allegations made now and made her sign the form so she carnt raise them again, but i now have to go to a contact centre for 8 weeks at a cost to me to have an independant report written on how i look after my daughter to ensure i am safe with her. the report will then be put into court and the new date is 5th january 2011 for it to be sorted.

However on the good side the court ordered that my ex bring photos of my daughter from the time i have missed with her, although my ex did not do this she brought me 1 photo of my daughter, and even though it is not a very good photo at least it is another step further

Regards

Lostguy

It's a start, and the court obviously don't have a great opinion of your ex, so it's looking good for you. It's worth raising the point about the photos at the next court hearing - it's not contempt as she has provided a photo, but it's not going along with the spirit in which the court order was made, so it adds more weight to your argument. It's not quick, but it'll be worth the effort. 😀

Lostguy,

After reading this post it seems like you've gotten somewhere through all the bull [censored] and not lost your focus. I've taken a lot from this thread and hope that everything goes awesome for you in the future!!

Hi All

hope everyone had a good new year

well i was back in court on the 5th Jan. This time my ex came to adjourn the hearing as she has had her legal aid revoked and therefore had no legal representation. The court did not take to kind to this and we had an hearing anyway to try and get me some contact with my daughter as i have not seen her since the 15th December due to the contact centre being closed and my ex refusing to let me see my daughter.

The report was good from my previous contacts and the 4 judges felt that contact was going well and were dissapointed that my ex had failed to continue the contact over xmas. The court ordered that a new court date of the 7th march needs to be in place and my ex must get her legal stuff sorted, and that she could also be liable for all costs incurred from this hearing as it wasted everyones time. The court also asked my ex for permission for me to take photos of my daughter at the contact centre as she had refused to respond to solicitors letters, to this she responded no as my daughter is shy and doesnt like her photo being taken and also that she had offered my thousands of photos and i had refused them. The judges were not impressed by these contradicting comments and told my ex her attitude today had been noted ready for the next court date. They also refused to allow her to swap herself for her dad to bring my daughter to contact on the grounds that she had wrote that me and her dad dont get on and therefore it wouldnt be appropriate to my daughter in that situation. The only downside was that the contact must continue at the centre but the centre cannot get us in until a further 5 weeks, and the court said it really wasnt a good idea to have contact without supervision due to the way my ex and her dad were acting in court.
The court also asked my ex why she had not tried to get my daughter to see me over xmas etc and she just replied that she was busy. But the good side is that after the contact sessions i can take my daughter out unsupervised for an hour and gradually build it up in time until we are back at court when the judges will make a decision on the way forward.

so will keep you all updated as and when anything else happens as im not sure my ex going to turn up as she told the court she is not willing to help the contact and will just take my daughter away from the centre at the little bit of upset.

The court did tell her that a relationship between my daughter and myself will happen no matter how hard she tries to stop it

Hi again Lostguy

Happy New Year to you and I really hope that things are going to move positively for you this year, despite the obstacles your ex seems determined to put in your way. It sounds as if the courts are losing patience with your ex and her excuses. I hope that you can continue to build up the closeness to your daughter - she is the one who is suffering the most through all of this but will benefit hugely from seeing you. Hang in there, you are doing a great job and have the support of other dads here who are going through a similar experience.

Please keep us up to date with what happens. Best of luck.

Hi Lostguy

Sounds like a postive way ahead. I'll make a couple of comments
1. The contact centre may be used simply as a place to hand over, so that the two parents don't come into contact with each other - so it may be possible to ask the court for this to happen, and then the whole of the time with your daughter between the handover times to be completely unsupervised - it depends on why the court recommended supervised contact in the first place.
2. You have seen first hand what happens if your ex doesn't comply with the courts wishes - so make sure that you do everything by the book, and don't give your ex anything at all that she can take back to court against you. That way, the court are going to be far more inclined to make an order which is more favourable to your wishes.

Best of luck with your next hearing, and the contact before then 🙂

Hi All

just a quick update to say the contact is not going to take place as my x as said that my daughter gets upset and distressed after seing me. So has refused to accept the court order and said no to the contact centre. this means i cannot see my daughter until after my next court date in march

Hi

I'm really sorry to hear about the stance your ex is taking over this, just when things were starting to go well for you. Not long until your next court date, although I do understand that every day you don't have contact with your lovely daughter must seem like an eternity. Hang in there, you have so much going for you. Please let us know how you get on in March. Good luck.

Sorry to hear this also - your ex is certainly not doing herself any favours with the court, so you should hopefully find that the court is more willing to help you to have contact and to impose penalties on your ex for disregarding the order.

Hang in there mate! I agree with actd completely. Your ex has done herself no favours whatsoever and I wouldn't be surprised to see the court impose some kind of penalty next month. She's certainly not acting in the best interests of your daughter and her behaviour is quite unacceptable.

Really rooting for you! Please let us know how you get on!

Hi All

thanks for the comments and support, ust hope it goes well this coming monday!!at least i know what my ex is cuming with now to stop me seeing my daughter and i have also seen the resons why the contact was stopped. this was that my 2 year old daughter i apparently having nightmares, is getting very distressed and wont leave my ex's side, since she has started to see me, this i find very strange as nothing was mentioned in jan and i have not seen my daughter since the 15th december. I also dnt think this is normal for a 2 year old and feel if this indeed happening then something must be happening at home, plus this contradicts other information and evidence i have of where and how my daughter is.

will let you all know how it goes next week

Hope Monday goes well! Let us know how you get on.

Hi All

just got back from court after another 3 hours!! court have decided to ome back in 4 weeks with cafcass as they need a report doing due to the syptoms my daughter is apparently showing.There wasnt a cafcass officer at court today and therefore takes another 4 weeks. The judges were not happy with my ex's behaviour or her solicitors attitude in the case and had lots of questions for them to ask!! they have warned my ex about future conduct and also imposed a court order of photographs etc at the minute as they cannot order contact due to the seriousness of the allegations made!! the court are not happy about the fact i have not seen my daughter since the middle of december, and apologised that they could not do anything else today. so looks like another date in court on the 6th april. They did stress that they are very concerned about the whole case and the route it has taken so far and are definately annoyed with my ex

Regards

Lostguy

Hi All

Sorry i have not been on for a while, but i have been really busy with being in and out of court still, i have finally got to see my daughter on a regular (ish) basis, that is when my ex co-operates with the court orders, i usually get my daughter from friday evening until sunday afternoon every other weekend at the moment, this is after going through all contact centres ( all at a cost to me), numerous court dates and again numerous allegations, including social services and the hospital being involved due to my ex accusing me of doing things to my daughter, these were all unfounded but again have take another year to sort out, and yet again my ex still keeps coming with more excuses to block contact, the court is still getting very annoyed with everything and have finally set a full contested hearing towards the end of june.

Lostguy

Wow I'm am shocked this is allowed to happen but feel like I'm going to be going though this aswell iv got my first court hearing on the 29th to see my 4 month old daughter and I already know shes not turning up and and been told they going to do everything they can to keep me away from being in her life iv had loads of false accusations made towards me even before we even got into court where I been arrested on a false assult witch police see straight though the lie. But thank you this has helped

And also is there any advise u can give to try shorten any delays or stop her from making it drag out

hi
i really hope it goes well for you but you are a man and the courts will not do you any favours at all. your ex could be a gun toteing alchoholic smackhead liveing in [censored] but the courts will rule in her favour as long as the child is cared for in the eyes of the law. this means she can lie her face off in court make up anything she wants about you and break every contact order made and the courts will do nothing for you except offer you theresympathy. im not trying to dash your hopes but you must prepare yourself for a long hard fight mentally and make sure you have support from friends and familly becuse it can get really tough somtimes and if it all gets sorted swiftly which i really, really hope it does then all the better. BUT BE PREPARED!!

Ian

Thank you I am prepared she's only 19 and living with her parents who if not as bad as her worse very well off and love power and already said they don't care how much the loose to just make my life [censored] I'm only 21 my self so have had loads of support from my parents who can't believe this has happened to me and friends have been so good listening to me bang on about it lol. I feel like iv had the last 6moths of my life crushed as iv felt so stressed just starting to relax and feel dosnt matter how long it takes will be worthfit in the end still find it hard to understand why a mother would want to waste all the money and time and to bring a child up in a war zone

It's great you've got your family behind you and friends because it sounds like your going to need them my story is almost a mirror image of yours and there are thousands of men like us, getting screwed over my malicious, spiteful,people like your ex and her f*#kup family. I was in my mid twenties when my ex did it to me and her family were right. Behind her to but unlike you I had no family to support me. I am now 43 and I still have not seen my daughter but i have Been married for 13 years now and have 3 wonderfully daughters and have been fighting. To see my other daughter all these years. Never ever give up, and just as important do not late hate get a grip on your spirit you are only young with your whole life in front of you, keep fighting. But keep living. My daughter is now 16 and I have just found her on Facebook Tomorrow I am going to message her and I'm scared shitless she going to to reject me as her family Has probably poisoned her against. Me all her life. But I will keep trying, never give up.
Good luck dude

Keep us posted on how the facebook contact goes - I'm not a great fan of facebook in general, but it is a useful tool in some respects, and this could be one of them.

Hi

The only advice i can give you is to stick with it, think of your child at the end of the day, dont do anything daft as she will be trying everything to make you do so, this will only harm your case, unfortunately the courts will give your ex every chance to sort things out without them forcing her to, as they see it has more harm if they have to force her! there is nothing you can do to stop any allegations or anything in court except basically disprove them, but she can bring a new allegation in front of the court every time you go there, which in some cases take a few months to sort out and in some cases years, all depends on how much she wants to stop you!!! also be prepared for anything, and some things are pretty nasty and will get you down, but keep your chin up and remember who you are doing all this for!!

I also would only try contacting your ex just the once as if you persist in this she can also say you are harrassing her, so be careful!

If you need any further advice please dont hesitate to ask on here or send me a personal message, i am willing to help anyone with advice as much as possible but in the meantime good luck and hope all goes well