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Hi Robgo and Welcome to the forum, I see its your first post,
Like NannyJane said I have posted what happened, please click on her link to get a complete breakdown.
But in a nutshell, I got exactly what i wanted as ex decided to cop out and withdraw all her nasty allegations.
From your post I assume you have completed the 6 sessions at a contact centre?
So you should have 6 positive reports?
If this is the case then I don't see why the judge would not progress things to unsupervised unless there is other factors to consider i.e any pending prosecutions or allegations of DV which have not been addressed.
My suggestion to you is, write exactly what you want and draw up a plan of how to gradually get there and at each court hearing, give them part of that plan. Make sure it is completely child focused.
One thing I have taken from this court process is that small children need things done gradually, which is why i only asked for 6 hours per week and gradually increasing every 3-4 weeks until a whole day, then after overnights, one day, then two and so on until it reaches the end goal of 50/50 shared care.
And it really works, I can see the effects it has on my daughter gradually getting to know me again, she is so comfortable with me now I am shocked. I picked her up yesterday from her grandparents and she stretched her arms out to me before I could even say hello and didn't cry or moan at all. I felt like crying it was really that shocking. Before she would always cry for about 5 mins before settling with me.
Good luck! I'm always here for help so will so many other dads and a few mums on here
Thanks Nannyjane
Hey Craig,
Thanks, I just posted reply on our other thread, I guess we can stick to this thread.
Yes, I have completed six weeks contact but only my first contact was supervised, so have only one report. The report was positive; it basically said I have great bonding with my son.
Like your ex, my ex has made false allegations and a Non-Molestation order is in place, I had barrister in my first hearing, he recommended not proceeding with fact finding, it will just take time and will spend money unnecessarily. I might challenge it in near future.
Before, we got separated I was looking after my son, my ex used to go on business trip for weeks, I have taken care of him, feeding, changing, cooking, etc. Now I have my own place, which is close to my ex's place. So I do not see why the contact has to be gradual.
That said, it is a good idea on coming up with a plan.
Any thoughts on how to deal with the judge and cafcass officer ?
I agree with Craig, he has given you some good pointers....just try and stay completely child focused in all your responses. Put together a schedule of increasing contact, in fact give the court a couple of options to show that you can be flexible as far as contact is concerned.
Make sure they know how well contact went and take the report from the contact centre and a copy for the court, CAFCASS and your ex.
Good luck
Thanks Mojo.
Will try to come up with a plan, any suggestions or template you can share.
Ok Robgo, I'm starting to get a clearer picture of your case,
Your biggest problem is the Non molestation order!
My ex too slapped me with one but I successfully managed to get it discharged, I had so much evidence she didn't bother showing up to the trial.
DId you not contest the non molestation??? If so what happened??
Why would you not want a fact finding hearing?? That will make the judge believe you are guilty of something??
The fact that you have a live non molestation order against you and you are refusing to take part in a fact finding hearing means there are serious allegations against you that are somewhat true in the courts eyes, what have CAFCASS said??
I think your best approach is to completely discharge these allegations as if you leave them there you will find it very difficult to progress things with your son if your ex is not in agreement.
This is exactly what I found out! As these allegations are still present in your case, your ex will have full control for now.
What I do find bizarre is that the judge has said for contact to be outside the contact centre without fully addressing these allegations unless none of them are concerning the child?
Also none of the allegations made against me were concerning the child but my ex tried to say if I get into another relationship, my child will be exposed to the DV I may inflict on my new partner. Lol funny right
What i'm saying is that either way these allegations will be used against you so I think its best to get them cleared anyway possible! By way of contesting it or rehabilitation .
What conditions were you given on the non molestation order?
In the worst case you will have to just take part in any rehabilitation courses/classes relevant to the allegations made against you to prove that you are a changed person and are no longer a risk to mother and child.
This may take much longer but the end result will be the same, that you will get that quality time with your son that he deserves and that is a legal requirement of this country.
In the meantime focus on keeping everything child focused and put yourself in the judges shoe, with the evidence in front of them what would you do?
You say you have your own place which is great, just make sure it is completely child proof and there is a spare bedroom for your child and plenty space to play. This is what CAFCASS/SOCIAL SERVICES will be looking at.
I too was angry at the thought of having supervised contact in a contact centre but the other dads on here made me realise the potential, after 11 sessions I had 11 glowing reports demonstrating my ability to take care of my child in every aspect for general hygiene, education, safety, food nutrition down to play and interaction. Without that I doubt I will be where I am today.
The judges love for things to be agreed upon between both parties and hate conflict as it forces them to make decisions that may not suit any of you.
Hey Craig,
My ex got Non-Molestation order without notice, I have prepared my statement and I have made DV allegations against my ex with evidences but during the direction hearing my barrister advised that there is no point of contesting the non-molestation order, so court made no findings and determined no allegations made by either party. Hopefully the court is not seeing me a guilty party. Only allegation made against me concerning the child was that I shout in front of him, which is total bullshit. I spoke with the CAFCASS officer; she said there are no concerns regarding child safety.
My barrister advised that allegations made are at the lower end of the DV, I guess it's not serious.
The court did not order supervised contact, the judge ordered 6 supported contact, My ex wanted first session to be supervised, which worked out well for me because I got a great report.
I guess I will see how the review hearing goes, if the Non-Molestation is the problem, I will challenge it to get it discharged.
Thanks for the tip regarding the house, I will make sure the house is child proofed and he has place to play.
During your review hearing, did you meet with a CAFCASS officer to negotiate or you negotiate with your ex’s lawyer ?
Ok but what are the conditions of the non molestation order?
Don't listen to what CAFCASS tell you on the phone, its about what they put on paper that counts.
CAFCASS didn't attend my review hearing so I spoke with my ex partners barrister and told them what I wanted.
So why is your ex denying unsupervised contact? What's her reasons?
Non-molestation order conditions :
Not to communicate directly with my ex.
Not to enter the family house.
Thanks for the advise regarding CAFCASS, will be carful with them.
Why she is doing this, she says I might take him somewhere, so she has also got an Prohibited Steps Order against me.
She is just being controlling, she knows I am attached to my son, she is using him to mentally torture me,
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