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hi, i hope someone can help me.
my partner is being denied access to hes two children one boy (2.5) one girl (9 months)
when he first left hes ex they had a solicitors letter allowing him access to the children at her address with her present.
8 months down the line and she has stopped all contact
in oct 2012 my partner filed for a court access agreement, and to be put on the birth certeficate of the youngest he also applied for half residential order.
she claimed the children did not no him (they hadent seen him for a few months because SHE stopped this from happening)
so the judge decided my partner could have an hour a week in a contact center for 3 months with hes two children and without thier mother present. its been extremely difficult for him at the contact centre just for an hour as he misses the children desperatly and hates it when they are pulled away from him by their mother, but at the same time he has loved seeing the children every saturday.
in this time the mother has been manipulating and has blocked hes number on several occasions.
over this weekend just gone, she got in touch with my partner to talk about access so they can agree on something and not go to court, so she has been pleasent and extremly nice to him, he saw the children friday evening at hes address with the mother present, then saturday morning instead of the contact centre she asked for him to see the children at her house so he had 3 and a half hours with them sat morning at her address with her present instead of the usual hour at the contact centre.
he also saw them saturday evening as she asked him to babysit while she went out (at her address) she went out from 6.30pm till 3.30AM !!!! and left the children in hes capable hands while she went and got drunk (but insissted in court that the children didnt no him, and he didnt no there routine) but was quite happy to leave them with him for this length of time.
he also stayed there so made them breakfast and eventually left around 9.30am
he then saw them sunday evening at her address to discuss the AGREEMENT/ARANGEMENT he stayed for about an hour and they agreed on
20 HOURS PLUS A WEEK WORKING AROUND HES WORK COMMITMENTS FOR 6 WEEKS
THEN TO PROGRESES ON TO HIM HAVING THEM FOR THE DAY 10AM-4PM AT WEEKENDS
THEN TO ARRANGE HIM HAVING THEM OVER NIGHT AFTER ANOTHER 6 WEEKS
THEN monday morning he rung her to say i agree to this but i still want to go to court on the 29th january 2013 to get this aggreement in a court order so its worth the paper its written on (as she has messed him around before)
she went mad was absoulty furious that he STILL wanted to take her to court
so this whole weekend was not about him seeing the children and her wanted to stop the fighting it was to get him to drop the court date , so then yet again she would be able to mess him around. and court would trhen be another few months before he got a dtae in that time ghe wouldnt see them and she would claim the children dont no their dad again.
on the 29th its a REVIEW HEARING for them to agree on something and if they dont it will go back to court for them both to be cross examined and for the judge to to give the access to my partner regardless of what the mother wants.
if this is the case on the 29th that she will not agree to anything and drag it out further 'what will the judge give my partner on the 29th'???? hes so down about this whole stuation and i try to keep him positive but when you just dont no whats going to happen its hard.
i think it will go against her that she aloud him to have the children for so long on hes own over the weekend
but she is manipulative and full of lies that she actually believes what she lies about is true.
please can someone help or has anyone been in a similar situation
All I say is my understanding from what my solicitor has told me in relation to my own circumstances ...
AFAIA, a judge will not make a contact order in a review hearing, you would need either an evidential hearing such as an interim hearing or a final hearing. A review hearing is to see how contact is progressing. Any contact agreed between the parents can be set down though and becomes a court order once passed before the judge.
Your partner does right to want to get any agreement validated by the court, otherwise his ex can basically call the tune and he will have to dance what ever dance she plays.
we no its not to make a contact order at the review hearing, what im trying to understand is will he get more contact given to him by the judge on this day or not?? because of whats happened over the last 3 months
he gets an hour and half in a contact centre a week and its just not enough for him.
i really want the judge to see her for what shes doing but i take it this wont be the case and that if she doesnt agree to any more contact on the 29th he wont get it??
Hi There,
At a review hearing it is quite normal for a judge to grant a tempary order to allow access again, they would do this so they can see how things go before writting a full order.
I went back to court for 2-3 review hearings and they adjusted the original temp order at the first hearing each time. The judge is lickily to look at the ex's antics over the weekend and realise she was trying to get out of court, and your partner is right to want to get everything written into an order so he knows where he stands.
The fact that she agreed to these hours shows she doesn't really have an issue with him seeing the children (well as she tried to make out anyway) does he have proof of these conversations?
Darren
he has proof that she was out (facebook) pictures of her out and her commenting on a friends status saying that she will be out soon ?
he also has pictures ot the kids in her house about 9pm at night.
but apart from that no.
im just praying that he will get given more access then what he has untill the final hearing
thanks darren
Hi There,
Each case is different so what one person gets wouldn't be the same for another, but at the initial one, I was given every Sunday from 10am-6pm
then at the 2nd they removed the restrictions as to where we went and at the 3rd was awarded overnight access, contact with myself and my son hadn't broken down though and I was going to court to get rid of silly conditions that my ex wanted to enforce before she would allow me to take my son anywhere.
Like I said I'm sure the fact his ex had offered a compromise the judge will lokk at that and try and go similar, it will just depend on her defence, I asked about proof of those conversations of a compromise as it is lickely his ex will deny ever offering what she did and it would become one word against the other.
Darren
There is no set time for contact as far as I can see……..when I set down the legal route I was advised the minimum I should look for with my little one being 3yr old should be overnight contact on alternate weekends and a night through the week….this was the minimum I asked for but the actions of my ex and false allegations that I then had to fight for over a year meant that I didn’t get that and I actually ended up with less time than I actually had before I started this!
Before I took legal action against my ex to define contact and get more contact…..i was having 9am-4pm one day at a weekend….alternating Saturday one week Sunday the next week….i always wanted full weekends and overnights but my ex refused and would never let me……..then she started missing weekends and stopping contact here and there…then started telling me where I could take my little one and where she didn’t think was suitable….i had enough and took her to court.
After a few months of arguing in courts I was awarded 11:30-4pm on a weekend day alternating as before…….. because this was after months and months of my ex preventing and breaking contact with my little one.
The ex then started causing problems again and had some sort of “mental moment” in court and refused anything other than contact centres…..i personally think that she had it in her head that I’d fail to return my little one after contact.
What was actually happening was I started to refuse to tell her where and what we were going to be doing……I think she thought I was introducing my little one to a girlfriend……I wasn’t as at the time I’ve not had anyone in my life long enough to even consider them meeting my little one and I was not having enough time myself to repair the damaged my ex has done to the bond I have with my little one.
if you can get the ex to agree and compromise on contact that would be a starting point......i can't get my ex to compromise...that word is not in her!
i have a five yr old myself who has regular contact with her dad, he is married, and the time he has with her is hes time and i dont get involved.
its absolutley shocking the way some mothers are, they wanted childen with you aswell so why do they get all the time with the children!!!
i just hope in the review hearing he gets something awarded to him because of what happened at the weekend, and the fact she was willing to give him access (we all no as soon as he cancelled the court date she would of messed him around again) causing more pain to everyone involved.
evan if its a full day for now at weekends without her present, thats not enough for him, but its something. i just hope that he isnt awarded more time in the contact centre because i think she wants every other weekend at the contact centre because it interrupts her plans going there every week.
i just hope the judge sees whats going on here
we no its not to make a contact order at the review hearing, what im trying to understand is will he get more contact given to him by the judge on this day or not?? because of whats happened over the last 3 months
he gets an hour and half in a contact centre a week and its just not enough for him.i really want the judge to see her for what shes doing but i take it this wont be the case and that if she doesnt agree to any more contact on the 29th he wont get it??
As I said, it was from my understanding only. Every case is different so it is impossible to advise with confidence other than to give personal experience. In my case I was advised that a judge won't make an order re contact without evidence. A review hearing is just that, a very short hearing to review the current situation and if changes need to be made, to then schedule an evidential hearing to look at the case in more detail. I was however having regular contact, albeit with onerous and unnecessary restrictions. This might be different when there is little or no access or contact.
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