[Solved] Residency Schedule

Hi There,

If you have followed what is set out and have a full trail of emails then I would reply stating this and that there is no need for mediation or court, you could even send the trail of emails to the solicitor, if they are sensible they will advise her she has no case and that going back to court would be pointless.

If they do advise court or your ex insists on it, leave it in her hands to arrange, it then doesn't need to cost you anything other than your time, you can represent yourself as this seems like it will be quite straight forward, we can help and advise you, we can even look over position statements and evidence if you need that.

I would maybe ask your son what he would like though at 14 if you were to return to court they may ask his view on things.

GTTS

It sounds like a very involved and frustrating schedule to arrange so far in advance given your son's age.

I doubt there's much the mother could do in terms of raising an application, unless she intends to ask the court for a variation of the order.

As GTTS has said, if either of you return the matter to court, they are likely to want to involve your son in the proceedings due to his age and would largely go with his wishes.

If you want to take the matter back to court yourself, there's no reason why you couldn't self rep as the issues sound very narrow.

Good morn GTTS,

Thank you, what you say makes great sense - I think I was a little too close to the problem and I appreciate your clearer view.

My son's mother is always loath to write things down - I think for fear of being held accountable in the future, which is why I kept such a comprehensive audit trail. I carefully included her question from our face to face discussion on 3 June in my response the next day. I have kept her two text message comments on 11 June and quoted them with my responses (with versions 2 and 3 of the schedule) of the same day. I have quoted her telephone call of 12 June in my response of the same day - with a copy of version 4 of the schedule incorporating the changes she had asked for (where reasonable). The 12 June email (from me) included a list of changes incorporated into versions 2, 3 and 4 and explanations where changes had not been agreed, it also gave her the opportunity to respond again with requests for change until the end of that month. There being no further comments, I published the schedule to my son's school with a copy to his mother on 30 June.

This has been quite detailed, but I think will be sufficient evidence to show that my son's mother has been closely involved in the development of his residency schedule with every opportunity to make changes. I have learned in the past that keeping comprehensive records is essential with my son's mother.

I have offered to compromise by swapping some days from the New Year holiday to the pre-Xmas period, but my son's mother has ignored this, so I can see little point pursuing mediation - which would cost a lot and go nowhere.

I think your suggestion of responding to the solicitor's letter with the above is a good one.

Good morn Yoda,

Thank you for replying.

You are right, this is a lot of work to arrange what should be fairly simple SRO arrangements, but there is considerable history to this (see for example my thread 'ENFORCING A SHARED RESIDENCY ORDER' of over 2 years ago in these pages). I'm afraid that if I don't tie down details months ahead the arrangements will be deliberately misconstrued, I wish it was not that way (for my son's sake) - but it is what it is.

I'm pleased to say my son is happy and well adjusted, doing well at school (in the top stream for the 10 GCSE subjects he has just started) and is growing up to be a good guy. He is virtually 14 and mature for his years. His mother thinks he should not be involved in anything and rather treats him as a child, my view is different, I involve him in all important decisions (for example selling and buying houses, investments we should make and which cars we should own). I think he is mature enough to make up his own mind about things that affect his life now, and given the choice I'm pretty sure he would decide to live with me well before his 16th birthday. I asked him what he thought about this issue, should it go to court - and he replied confidently that he would have no problem with that.

I don't want to raise this issue in court myself (with only 2 years of the SRO to go I can't see any court wanting to make changes to a situation that has worked reasonably well for the past 6 years), but having read what you and GTTS say I feel confident in defending the situation myself should my son's mother want to pursue it.

Many thanks.

Hi Othen!

It's been a long time... just a quick footnote, perhaps you could throw a small spanner in the works in your letter and suggest that should it be necessary to return to court, you would consider making an application to have your son live with you... reasons are that he is getting older and as a young man that is both mature and knows his own mind, its in his best interests to live with you full time, particularly with the run up to his GCSEs.

Something to discuss with him beforehand perhaps, but it might be the right time.

All the best

Good morn Mojo,

Yes it has been a long time, but it is nice to hear from you.

I take your point - and that would be a very adventurous stance. I'll have a chat with my son when the time is right over the weekend. From what we have discussed over the years I think he would be very keen to live with me now, and it would make sense with him having just started his GCSE courses (I'm retired from mainstream work and have plenty of time for him, whereas he is a latch-key boy during the weeks he is with his mother).

I can see that might focus the minds of both my boy's mother and her solicitors.

Best wishes.

You make a very good point, that as you're retired, your time is your own and you would be able to offer him as much extra support as he needs, at this very important time in his life.

It's great that equal shared care has worked, but his future is the priority and to concentrate fully on his studies, it may be better that his living arrangements are stabilised with one parent, with weekend visits to the other.

At 14 his wishes and feelings would carry a lot of weight, perhaps her "unwanted" interference has a silver lining!

Thank you again Mojo, that helps a lot.

The shared care has worked, but rather in spite of rather than because of my son's mother (that would also be true of his schools, the county council and DWP). Being largely retired, but having a good income and property has been a huge advantage and has allowed me to make things work for my son.

I recall reading an article by Imran Kahn soon after my son's mother decided to become divorced. The great man described how he decided to concentrate on his children for the 10 years after his divorce (no relationships and so on). I was so impressed that I have done the same, I just focus on being a good dad for my son to the exclusion of everything else. I'm pleased to say that 'everything else' has just fallen into place and it has worked out pretty well for him.

I'll talk this through with my son over the next few days. I'm certainly not against him seeing his mother (indeed I insist on him doing so - for example I've told him he has to drop in to her house after school on his birthday next week for an hour, even though he is not keen on having to do so). It would make pretty good sense for him to live here in the lead up to his GCSEs - I'll see what he thinks.

Best wishes.

O

You're in the perfect position to see fruition in my opinion. She may live to regret her tinkering.

If you go ahead and instigate a variation of the order to have him live with you, I would suggest the outlay for a good barrister would be money well spent and a goal worth the investment.

All the best and do let us know how you get on.

Thank you again Mojo,

I was feeling quite despondent yesterday, but the comments on these pages have improved my morale.

I think what I will do is reply with much of the detail GTTS suggests showing my son's mother was part of the schedule's development, and say that mediation would be pointless in this case as I have already offered compromise with no response. I will add that Dan is mature enough to make up his own mind and so if they decide 'that Court (sic) proceedings are necessary' I will be minded to apply for a variation order because my boy is better placed with me than as a latch-key boy.

Many thanks.

You're welcome, but I wouldn't send your evidence (trail of emails, schedules etc) with the letter, just say that you have them.... and remember to refer to him as "our" son.

All the best