[Solved] Requesting Residency Order

This is a bit of a long story, but I will try to keep it as brief as possible!

I split from my partner of 13 years in November last year. Since we split our relationship has completely broken down and she has refused mediation so a contact order via the courts is the next step. While I am aware that the court will only be interested in the welfare of our 9 year old son, she seems to be of the opinion that it is a way of putting me 'on trial'.

Our relationship was 'stormy' to say the least and there was not much love there in the end. I willingly took on her two children from her marriage and brought them up as my own. When our son was born it was the icing on the cake. However, things started to go bad very quickly. She informed me in 2010 that every time I touched her, her skin crawled and that was the end of the intimate side of our relationship. I couldn't forgive her and she refused to apologise, saying it was a throw away comment said in an argument. Anything I said in an argument was thrown back at me.

I spent the majority of the next few years concentrating on the children and trying to ignore her jibes, hysteria and personal comments. In 2016 my step father died and I realised my mortality. I am nearly 50 and it dawned on me that I have far less ahead than in front of me. I explained this to her and how I felt and she gave me no support or encouragement. Instead she argued with me more and I began to drink. Not every day and not all the time, just when I felt I couldn't go on any more. I began to get some dark thoughts as I couldn't see any way out of the mess I was in and I was reluctant to leave my children.

Our arguments became worse and she started to call the police out if we rowed, fuelled by a colleague of hers, citing domestic abuse. I have since been told by the police that there is no record of such and they were called out for domestic incidents. These were very well timed and the last time was just before a mediation session I had booked as it seemed our relationship was over. She had subscribed to some online dating sites and would look at the messages while we were sat on the sofa together. This just made me feel worse about myself and my situation. During this time I got in the car to avoid a row over dinner and had had two glasses of wine. I crashed the car, avoiding a deer and rang the police. Obviously I was convicted of drink driving and was banned. Again, instead of supporting me this was something else for her to criticise and she took great delight in telling anyone who would listen about it in our village and beyond.

We decided to split and she insisted on buying my share of the house to make her and the children 'safe'. In other words, she could throw me out if the whim took her. I stupidly sold my share for £20k with a verbal agreement I would get another £30k if the house was sold. I found somewhere else to live and was ready to move out. She begged me to stay and we began a period of reconciliation. During this time she joined another dating site and although things were calmer, there was too much history to get over and I knew I had to leave. I knew that if I drank again she would throw me out so I drank a bottle of wine before she came home one day and it caused an argument. We went out to the pub and things went from bad to worse. She told me she would never let me see my son and went back on the 50/50 contact we had verbally agreed. When we got home and the kids were in bed I threatened to kill myself with a knife. She goaded me and told me to do it and I became very upset. I hit the bannisters with the knife and she stood at the top of the stairs screaming, waking the children. I wrote her a letter saying I knew it was time to leave. She started telling me I was a safeguarding threat to the children and went to my son's school to tell them I was basically a violent alcoholic that had threatened her and the children.

I have been to counselling and my GP and have been prescribed Citalapram since last year.

I moved out after taking my son away for a week to my sister's and she refused me contact with my son as I was 'a danger'. I was, however, allowed to make his packed lunches and take him to school and allowed to have him over for supper on a Friday with the promise I could visit any time. We agreed that the split would be 6-12 months so we could get over everything. At Christmas we went to Amsterdam as a family and in January we were considering getting back together. We went for a drink and she gave me a list of things I needed to change about myself for us to get back together. No fault on her part concerning our relationship.

I took my son away again in February, by which time he had begun to stay overnight on Saturdays and wanted to stay more. In mid February my 9 year old told me he had read a text on her phone to someone called Terry about having [censored]. He told me that Terry was her boyfriend and it later turned out she had met him on one of the dating sites in January. They met in mid February and he began to stay for a week at a time, much to the upset of my older children who were suspicious of him. I went to the house to collect my son one morning and found her and this chap in bed. She was allegedly off work with a kidney infection. We set up a fake profile on the dating site to see if he would take the bait and he did! Then began a 2.5 week text affair with some very graphic texts from him about what he would like to do to my alter ego. It was obvious he was sending these messages while with my ex at her house and very often he would instigate communication. My son began to stay overnights Wednesdays too by now. I revealed my identity to him and he said he knew it was me all along. He really didn't, that was obvious. He managed to convince my ex it was all my doing and she forgave him.

During this time my ex had invited me over for dinner and told me how this new love had a rare form of MS and needed to smoke pot every day to combat the pain and how she had been smoking pot with him. She told me he was very much like me but just a better version. She told me they were getting married and he wasn't there that day as he was finding out from a friend how she could claim carers allowance for him as he is on invalidity benefit and unable to work. Even when we were getting on she needed to hurt me. I had asked her several times in 13 years to marry me, but she always refused.

I instigated mediation again, she did attend but refused to do anything other than go to court.

Our relationship has gone from bad to worse and she has called the police for me knocking the door one night when she had called my sister 400 miles away saying I was killing myself. I wasn't, I had just sent a text saying I was going away for a bit. I only went there to show her I was ok. I then stupidly sent her some of the texts her chap had sent my alter ego as my son told me that weekend she asked him to lie and say I had threatened her with a knife. He refused and she was cross with him. She has called the police about this too. She had also shown him text messages between us and discussed maintenance issues, plus told him he would only see me every other weekend and Wednesdays after we had gone to court. This has caused him enormous distress as he and I are very close and he is now expressing how he wants to live with me. He doesn't understand why his mother is 'being mean and keeping us apart'. He doesn't like the new man now the novelty has worn off and thinks he is constantly drunk (he was held over stairs in a shopping centre which he was worried about and keeps having 'Indian head rubs'), he is obviously stoned, as is my ex who scared my son by dancing 'like a mad woman' at 11pm with really loud music last week.

Clearly my ex pays my son no attention unless she is telling him about me or manipulating facts. My son wants to stay another night each week and she is refusing, saying that it is for the courts to decide (which I know it isn't, we could reach an agreement without a court order), she is a full time teacher so works in the evening, is with her new man or playing Candy Crush apparently. As his condition deteriorates, she will also need to care for Terry too. My ex has told my son that she is selling the house and moving, which has upset him greatly also. I also happen to know that they are trying for a baby....

I just wondered what the chances of me getting full or 50/50 contact are? My son is very bright and articulate for a 9 year old and I feel that we have all been manipulated and deceived by my ex, who is also deceiving others too to my detriment.

I should also say that I have a brilliant relationship with the two older children who are despairing of their mother at the moment. They see me regularly, but in 'secret' so as not to upset her.

Any advice appreciated.
🙂