[Solved] Representing myself.... advice needed

Hi,

I have no experience of representing myself in court so I can't help you on this - the Childrens Legal Centre are the people to ask about this, and most of the points you have raised - though to the best of my knowledge, documents have to be exchanged fully before the court date and all documents also submitted to the court - it's only fair, and it works both ways.

With regards to the drug and alcohol tests, I'm not sure whether there is any merit in having the tests done at the moment - they aren't cheap, as you have found out. Instead, I would deny strenuously that you use them and when you get to court, explain to the court that you are more than willing to have them done, but explain your financial circumstances with regards to the cost. If the judge believes that your ex is making the story up, then he/she may well be happy with your story, in which case, you have saved the cost of the tests. The worst that will happen is that he will order that you have the tests, in which case you have to spend the money, but don't spend it unless you are told to.

With regards to maintenance, this isn't the first time I have heard where overnight contact is denied simply to increase maintenance payments, and unfortunately, it's an unfair, but often successful tactic - my advice is not to make the financial side an issue as far as contact is concerned, the important issue is maintaining contact.

One thing you don't mention is how old your daughter is - ithis would be helpful.

One further point - once your baby is born, you can reduce maintenance to your ex by 15% - knocks it down to about £30 per week (from £35) as the CSA recognise that you have your new child to support.

Hello there Actd, thanks for the advice,

My daughter was 3 in July, so shes quite young, as far as I'm aware cafcass are compiling a report (which should come back fine) In respect of the drugs test, my ex has a video of me and some friends (via fcebook) having a BBQ in my garden back in June, which shows me to be drinking alcohol, it is not a criminal offense to have a drink on your own property, but she has made out that i was heavily intoxicated and on drugs, but this is far from the truth as i don't do drugs and had drank only 4 cans of lager, that is why the courts have requested i do the drug and alcohol testing....(false accusations they have to investigate to cover themselves)

I called the company that do the testing and they confirm that it is 800+vat!!! plus i have to supply doctors records, which I've requested, i was told to supply hospital records too but my gp told me they were included in my medical records. My old solicitor i had has warned me that if my ex suggest that i have mental issues (which i don't of course) then i might be made to do a psychiatric evaluation which would cost a further 3000, i currently pay 43 per week in child support and im unable to get legal aid...

Im worried that it will look bad if i don't provide test results...

Ah, right. It wasn't clear that the courts had requested the tests. If the requests for the tests was included in the contact order, then not complying would be contempt of court which is serious. But even if the court only 'suggested' that you have the tests done, then it would still look bad if you don't, so I'm afraid you don't really have much choice in this after all.

I agree that you are allowed to drink on your own premises, and in moderation is certainly not a problem - however, this is one of the dangers of Facebook, so I'd certainly be very careful what you put on there in future - basically, treat it as if the world and your ex can see everything and don't put anything up there that you wouldn't want to be presented in court. It's much easier for you if your ex has nothing against you - that way you may avoid the psychiatric tests.

thanx for the comments, Ive learned from MY experience to be careful what goes on facebook in future, the courts haven't even seen the videos, they just went with what my ex has said about them, Ive seen the video clips and its nothing more than a few friends having a bbq and drink, playing guitars and having a sing song, but my main concern is that i don't have 800 bucks to pay for this test, im hoping it will be put on her public funding certificate.
also do i have to pay court fees every time we attend court, even though im representing myself?

some added information that might be useful, is that i applied for leave in order to apply for contact with her son as well as my daughter (he was 3 months old when i met my ex, and treated him like my own for 5 years, shes adamant that i do not have contact with him whatsoever, and even rejected presents i have sent over for him for his 6th birthday a few weeks back)the magistrates caught her out lying and she contradicted herself in the hearing for leave, needless to say i was granted leave. I am fully aware the tactics barristers use in court and have devised some of my own questions to put forward to my ex to see if she will contradict herself again, as i have an inside knowledge of what happened.

thanx again for the advice

I am fully aware the tactics barristers use in court and have devised some of my own questions to put forward to my ex to see if she will contradict herself again, as i have an inside knowledge of what happened.

You don't want to give the court the impression that you are than trying to get one over on your ex, but instead that you are acting in the best interests of your daughter - I'm not saying don't do it, just think carefully how, and be prepared that she may not be caught out.

As I said in my first post, you need to speak to the Childrens Legal Centre.

Hi bellas dad

Firstly a warm welcome to the Dadtalk forum. I hope that you find it a helpful place to be. Clearly there's a lot going on for you right now with regard to court appearances, testing etc I'm sorry to hear that your ex is behaving like this. The lack of contact with your daughter is very sad, especially as it sounds as if you have been a very loving and involved dad before all of this, and of course to her son. With a new baby on the way I can imagine you want to sort out regular contact and get this in place as soon as possible.

I will pass on your post to the Childrens Legal Centre for their input. It may take a day or two for them to post back, so do keep watching this thread.

Bye for now.

Thanks guys,

Still haven't heard if i can take the tests on her public funding certificate....

I Don't intend to go out all guns blazing in court, just catch her out on a few discrepancies in her statements and evidence in regards to police reports etc...

And also the money i pay the CSA after she applied for it, isn't really important, but i believe the time she stopped me having the kids to when she put the application in is.

Got court next month on the 15th, tests results need to be submitted within next 10 days....
I'm awaiting another statement from my ex by tomorrow (should make for interesting reading) which i have to reply to within 14 days, still awaiting medical records, they need to be sent off too, am i right in assuming i don't need to send them to her solicitor? and how many copies do i need to send to the court?

I have also decided not to pursue contact with her son, even though i was granted leave to apply for contact, i feel our relationship would have deteriorated immensely, being as Ive not seen him since march, and my ex has told him that I'm not his real father, which is upsetting, but i think it might be best to leave it go, because my ex is adamant that she doesn't want me to have contact with him....

One point I'd raise is your decision not to persue contact with her son. The courts obviously thought that this was a reasonable option and you may consider the following:

1. You are the only father he has known - your ex telling him you are not his real father must have been devastating to him, so if you abandon him, it is really going to affect him.
2. He is a brother to your daughter, they presumably are still quite close so it will affect them both if you seem to favour your daughter
3. The courts may not view it as well if you are coming between children - I think they prefer to keep relationships intact where possible.
4. your ex is probably adamant about contact as a way of 'scoring points', and almost certainly not acting in the best interests of the children.

Just my opinion, but worth considering before you make a decision.

Thanks again for the reply....

I was the only dad he knew for just under 5 years of his life, until my ex got with her current partner a week after we split, hes still with her now, he seems nice enough though and Ive always got on with him.

But when i went to see my daughter a few weeks back under the supervision of my ex's mum, my own daughter asked me... "are you daddy lee?"

now this was heart breaking enough because she has always known me as "daddy"

she then referred to my ex's current partner as "daddy Chris"
this again was upsetting, my daughter is only 3 so obviously my ex has trained her to say that, i also believe its not in my daughters best interests to have 2 fathers, as this will only confuse her in later years, thus means my ex is not looking out for the welfare of my daughter...

my point is.. if shes told my own daughter to call me "daddy lee" what has she told her son who is 6?

for all i know shes told him I'm dead, or Ive abandoned him or whatever,

i appreciate your comments and its a really hard choice to even think about, but i feel the boy might be better off knowing now, and if i keep applying for contact with him, his mother will definitely come up with more false allegations again, which will prolong everything even more...

I haven't seen him since march, i do miss him dearly and understand that he has a close relationship with my daughter, but I'm at a loss with this one, as my ex will definitely do anything she can to stop me having access to him....

out of curiosity do i sent her solicitor copies of my medical records? it cant be right really, because that means she will have to send hers to me?

I'm not sure of the procedure with exchange of papers, but I would say that you should have access to her records if the court has requested that they be produced - she will certainly see yours. Childrens Legal Centre will answer this one, or you could give the court a call.

Daddy Lee & Daddy Chris isn't actually so bad (though I can understand your feelings) - my ex refers to me by my christian name to my children (which they don't like). I don't think it's so bad that she has 2 fathers as long as you both love her and she understands the difference between the two of you - but again, that's my own opinion, and not necessarily right in many circumstances.

Obviously my daughters welfare is my paramount interest (see what i did there lol)
but the fact that my ex has trained my daughter to call me "daddy lee" proves that she is trying to distance my daughters emotional connection to me, do you think it would be a good idea to bring that up in court?

I wouldn't make a big thing out of it, but you could mention it as an aside - it's amazing how astute the judges are in family courts in my experience.

Theres a few things i wanted to say in court, but without sounding bitchy, so i think im just gonna mention one or two things, and throw them out there, cant do any harm i suppose, at least the magistrates will have some knowledge instead of none.

Yep, if something catches their interest, they can ask you to expand on it.

well work is ending for me now, hopefully ill have a letter regarding the tests when i get home, thanx again 🙂 )

Dear Bella’s Dad,

Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, we apologised for the delay in responding to your query.

With regards to the drug and alcohol testing, as the court has requested this you must provide it. Whether or not you are able to have this funded by the mother’s legal aid will be a decision for the Legal Services Commission to make and if you have still not heard back from them it may be worth contacting them and also letting the court know that you are awaiting a decision on this. The court may postpone the deadline for these, if they feel it is appropriate.
You are also able to contact the Legal Services Commission to ask for an update regarding your request, although you would have to use the website to find your local office as the general enquiries line can not answer case specific queries. The link to find your local office is http://www.legalservices.gov.uk/aboutus ... ffices.asp .

Any evidence that you provide to the court, such as records, would generally also be provided to the other involved parties, the same as the mother’s solicitors are required to provide copies of their evidence to you. If you are not happy to do this, then you are able to speak to the court about this, but it is unlikely that the court would rule you do not have to provide this to the mother’s solicitor as it may be relevant to any arguments they are attempting to make.

You are able to raise to the court anything that you are concerned about, however issues such as whether your daughter should also refer to the mother’s partner as ‘daddy’ is very much a parenting issue rather than a legal issue. Although morally this may not be correct, it is not something that is covered by the law as it can not be policed, although it may show a negative attitude from the mother towards yours and your daughter’s relationship, it is for you to decide whether to bring this up in court.

It is for you to decide whether or not you wish to have contact with the mother’s other child. It is reasonable for you to make such applications for this child as well as your daughter as you have also had a relationship with this child and have treated him as your son and this is what the child is familiar with. The courts will often view this relationship the same as they would your relationship with your daughter as the child has known you as his father throughout his life.

Any queries that you have regarding the evidence that needs to be supplied, how and when this is supplied, should be directed to the court, as although they can not give you legal advice, they are required to help you with procedural matters if you do not have any legal representation.
There are also several websites that offer advice and tips for representing yourself, such as http://www.fnf.org.uk/law-and-informati ... g-yourself and http://www.elc.org.uk/pages/lawlips.htm .

For any specific legal questions that you have that are not purely regarding procedure you are able to contact ourselves, or the Citizens Advice Bureau.

We hope this information is useful to you. If you need further legal advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help you.

Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre

Hello there,

well my ex's solicitor have agreed for me to have the tests done on her public funding certificate and im in the process of arranging an appointment to have the tests done 🙂 )

her solicitor also sent me a letter stating that they have not requested my ex's medical records because my ex is concerned there is sensitive information in there and they are writing to the court for her to be exempt from this....

I spoke to her solicitors office today (the person representing her is on annual leave) and told them that i have already sent my complete medical history to the courts and that my ex has been ordered by the courts to do the same, i told them i was aware of the 'sensitive information' and told them that this would be relevant to my case, her records will show that she was diagnosed with a mental health illness and that she has been submitted to hospital with self harm and drug issues (before we met) i feel that the magistrates will see this and give her claims that i was violent to her and all the other allegations shes made up a second thought, and realize that she is making everything up.

She has already delayed the case on a number of occasions, and im expecting a statement from her by Friday.... but seeing as her solicitor is away on holiday, im just waiting for her to use that as a reason as to why she can't submit her statement again.

Im slowly getting all my evidence together and im feeling quite confident about the whole thing, it just seems to be dragging on.. i was supposed to see my daughter yesterday as per the interim contact order set by the courts, but my ex txt my for the first time in 6 months to tell me my daughter was ill and i was unable to see her 🙁 (

thanks to all who have offered advice and support, its been a great help 🙂 )

Reading this last post, it occurs to me that there is some specific sensitive information that perhaps shouldn't be revealed outside the court, and certainly not to the public. Is it worth the Children's Legal Centre commenting on this, and possibly also issuing guidelines on this? I'm concerned that if your ex came across this, it could be held against you.

I understand that the sensitive issues shouldnt be made public, and agree with patient confidentiality, I am not asking for the reports to be sent to myself or be made public, but for them to be sent to the courts as i have done with mine... it could be another delay tactic being used, but i dont see why my records should be demanded by the courts and she be exempt from doing this because of "sensitive content", surely everyone's medical records have "sensitive content" that they wish no others see...

The courts are looking into the records to see if they contain evidence to support the allegations made by each party, my ex is accusing me of being violent, an alcoholic and drug user, my medical records contain no evidence to support her claims, whereas i have mentioned in my statements that my ex drank alot of wine and gave me 2 black eyes on seperate occasions, so her medical reports were requested also, and her records will show a history of mental health issues, self harm and overdoses on drugs...

Surely they would be keen to look into it if they are looking towards the welfare of my daughter?

would be grateful if the CLC could shed some light on the legal issues involved 🙂 )

Ah, looking at my post, I haven't said what I meant. I agree that everything should be available to the court.

What I meant is that I'm worried that some of the stuff you are posting on this forum could possibly get you in trouble if your ex came across it on here. That's what I meant about CLC giving guidelines for.

I understand some of the content, ive posted is sensitive, but ive not gone into great detail, and felt that the information would help others give me advice on what to do,

Besides i understand this site to be quite anonymous, and also regards to the amount of topics on here its quite unlikely that my ex would come across it or even know its me, got my drugs and alcohol test today 🙂 )

Now i can prove to the courts that i don't drink excessively and i don't do drugs... this was all my ex was going on....
tried to call the clc helpline but i cant seem to get through to anyone