Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi,
I am new to this so please bear with me.
My ex partner and I separated 5 years ago. I have had weekend access and had never missed a maintenance payment until last October when I took the plunge to start a new business. A genuine attempt to make a long term plan that benefits all. Around the same time, my partner of two years and I got pregnant. Bad timing I know, right? Since then, I have seen my six year old son once and was made to miss Christmas and his birthday. She has never given me a genuine reason for cutting contact. I spoke to the csa, was given a temporary nil payment and offered voluntary when I could. I've given twice. I tried to do it as I felt it should be done.
I've seen solicitors and had my MIAM signed, but with how she is I feel mediation is a waste of time given that it is not enforceable, yet court may be expensive and long winded.
I feel what I want for my child and I is only fair and so should be an easy and quick conclusion. But these things are never easy, and I only have one shot financially. I'm keen to represent myself in court so any advice would be such a help.
My son needs his father and his father is there for him. But it breaks my heart that he does not know that.
Thank you
Hi there
It's highly likely that she cut contact because you stopped paying her, did you discuss this with her prior to stopping the payments? Her outgoings were probably positioned to take account of your contribution and without it, just before Christmas, it may have left her struggling...that would cause bad feeling, but it shouldn't have interfered with your regular contact with your son, its punishing him too.
Has your ex been invited to attend mediation? If you don't feel that you can rely on her sticking to any agreements made during mediation you can ask the mediator to sign off the C100 to enable you to apply to court for a Child Arrangements Order for contact.
As long as there are no safeguarding issues to your child and no allegations made, court should be fairly straightforward and doable if you wish to self represent. The court won't be interested in the financial side of things, maintenance and contact are entirely separate issues and one doesn't rely upon the other.
There are plenty of stickys about the court process at the top of the Legal Eagle section which you may find useful and we are happy to advise and support you should you decide to go it alone.
Welcome to the forum.
For help representing yourself in court I found the following...
PSU (Personal Support Unit) give free advice, help filling out forms, accompany you in court, etc. The only thing you would have to pay for would be the court applications if necessary which cost £215 however you can get help if you're struggling financially. Alternatively there's McKenzie friends. I think whether you pay for either of these depends on your circumstances but worth looking into.
They have many offices in different areas around the country.
It's relatively straight forward self representing and to be honest it made me a better person I learned so much and the pride you feel when you get the outcome your child deserves is amazing whilst not destroying yourself financially like you would if you paid someone.
As MOJO has said we will be here for support and there's some great posts at the top of the legal eagle section 🙂
Paul
I've had to delete the link you put up to a company offering their services for a fee. If we were to allow this on the forum it would be the same as recommending them, which we can't do.
Hi again,
Thank you all for some great advice.
I have decided to go to court, I have my signed C100 as my sons mother refused to attend mediation. I have decided that shared custody is my goal. I feel it is in my sons best interest to be with me in a stable environment as much as possible. I assume this has certain implications with regards timescale etc, but I think I can apply for some kind of interim contact order.
As no allegations have been made against me and there is genuinely no reason for her cutting contact, I hope for at least a swift decision regarding contact. I've missed Christmas, his birthday and next will be Easter. While it is heartbreaking for me not seeing him, I am confident I am making the right choice.
Thank you for your great advice and support, I will be sticking around here, it is a great site
Hi Fighting Dad
Keep posting and we will do what we can to assist you throughout the court process.
Once you have received a Notice of Hearing from the court, CAFCASS will be in touch to arrange a telephone interview. They speak to both parents, carry out safeguarding checks and then produce a letter in time for the first hearing.
It's advisable to write yourself a short Position Statement for the first hearing, no longer than 2 pages. Include a bit of background, the current situation and what you would like the court to do. You can take this to the first hearing with you and provide a copy for the other party and the judge.
How quickly the matter can be resolved will depend on whether the court can get you both to agree a way forward. If you are able to agree with the help of the court the proceedings might only take 1 or 2 hearings. If you cannot agree, then further reports and hearings might be required.
It's worth having a look at Lucy Reed's book if you're going to be self repping. Good luck!
As you mention an interim order you could request that on the C100 form, in the section where it asks what you would like the court to do. Just a brief sentence asking the court to consider placing an interim CAO order to reinstate the previous arrangements.
If you use the search engine to look for position statements, there will be lots of previous posts with info and links to templates. The search tab can be found just under the yellow Dad logo at the top of the page.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.