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Hi all,
I'm new here and hoping someone can give me some advice. I have three children and been divorced 3 years. Early on I had to get a court order to see the children because my ex was constantly trying to find ways for me not to see them (picking fault at every opportunity, I think its a case of Parental Alienation) Anyway I was granted the court order and things settled for a while and I saw them regular, I always packed loads in when they came and they always looked forward to seeing me. Last year I booked a UK holiday and took them away for a week, when we got there half the chalets were empty and I told my oldest daughter who is 14 that next year we would book last minute. This year in July (I was due to have them for a week in August ) I got repeated texts from my 14 year old asking if we were going on holiday and had I booked anywhere, I replied we would go someone where but because of work it would be last minute as I had said before. Two days latter I got a call from my ex saying I had badly let the kids down and they never wanted to see me again. Next day a letter came from here saying I had constantly let them down and they didn't want to see me, there was also a letter from my 9 year old saying she felt let down and didn't want to see me. The words she used in that letter were definately not of a 9 year old, it was cleary dictated.
So I haven't seem them since, I have tried calling texts etc but nothing. The problem is it will cost me again to get here back in court and I don't have the money as I am on a low income (I have an illness so only work part time) In any case the judge will probably just slap her wrists, the contact will start again until she starts again.
What I really want to do is have social services /cafcass interview the children to ask them directly if they really don't want to see me ever again, if so I will back off, if not the courts will know she has turned them against me.
Also is Parental Alienation recognised here now, she had the youngest calling her new partner Dad within weeks of knowing him, when I asked my son why he felt the need to call him Dad he said "because mummy told me to"
She also wrote to me shortly after meeting this guy to say he wanted to adopt my children, this was either designed to wind me up or she has PAS bad, I think its the latter, but what can I do.
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated.
One other thing, is it worth me applying for shared residency. When I first started with this a solicitor told me that if she carries on with her attempts to destroy my relationship with the children she could be helping me build a valid case for joint residency, in that at least I have demonstrated my total comittment to the children having a good relationship with both parents, she however cannot claim this.
Hi Williams,
I am sorry but I don't have any experience about your type of situation, but what I will do is ask our legal experts to respond to your questions. They usually post a reply in a couple of days (but I wonder whether this snowy spell will cause delays).
I don't know how you might go about getting an independant interview for your children.
If you have joint parental responsibility then I would assume you have to be informed of any attempts for your children to be adopted. But this is just my gut opinion.
Anyway, keep posting and watch for the response.
Dear Williams,
As you have a contact order, your children’s mother is legally bound to comply with this, if she does not this can constitute contempt of court and she can be penalised, but you do have to reapply to court for this enforcement.
You are able to apply to court yourself, without a solicitor and this will cost much less, or you may be eligible for legal aid if you are on a low income. You are able to test yourself for legal aid eligibility on the Community Legal Advice website, or by contacting them on 0845 345 3435 and they will go though the calculation with you. If eligible for legal aid you are able to appoint a solicitor to represent you
The process for an application for enforcement would depend on the type of contact order that you have. If your order has a penal notice attached to it warning the mother of the possible penalties for breaching the contact order, then you are able to apply immediately for enforcement (using form C79 available from www.hmcs.gov.uk ), however given that your order was made three years ago it probably does not have this attached. If this is the case then you would firstly have to apply for a penal notice to be attached to the order (using form C78 also available from the above website), following which the mother would have to breach the order again before you apply for enforcement using the C79 form. You should also download form CB5 for guidance.
If the matter does not go back to court then the order can not be enforced.
As a general rule, CAFCASS will not become involved unless ordered to do so during court proceedings by the court, and social services will usually only become involved if they believe that a child is at risk of harm - although this could possibly be argued as emotional harm, it is unlikely that they would become involved as it is a domestic matter rather than a matter of child protection.
The court are able to enforce the order and penalise your ex partner if they believe it is appropriate to do so, and the penalties can be very serious depending upon the circumstances and include warnings, fines, ordering the mother to do unpaid community work and imprisonment.
The court would decide what weight to place on the children’s opinion based on their age, understanding and maturity, and it is likely that your 14 year olds opinion will hold considerable weight, however your 9 year olds opinion will probably be just one consideration of many, and your other child’s will be given weight dependent again on their age and maturity.
The court would usually enforce the order in respect of your younger children, but they may choose to allow your 14 year old to choose for herself, as at 16 years old it will be her decision entirely.
The court would hear arguments from all parties and in some cases Parental Alienation Syndrome is recognised, however this is something that is claimed often and the court are cautious when it comes to such arguments although they will recognize it if they believe that this is what is happening in your situation.
It is advisable that any letters or correspondence that you have form the mother are placed before the court as evidence to support your suspicions that it is your children’s mother preventing contact and not the wishes of your children. However even if this was the wish of your children the mother does not have the legal power to override the court order and has still committed a breach by not taking the matter back to court if she wished to alter what was ordered.
The court are generally in favour of contact and will enforce an order when they feel that this is in the best interests of the children in question, as it is believed that contact with both parents is best for children.
The courts do frown upon children calling new partner’s mum or dad when they have a relationship with the other parent, however they are not physically able to stop this from happening, they are able to tell the mother not to allow this and it may go against her if she still does, but they are not able to actually stop this.
When it comes to adoption, your full consent will be required for this as you were married to the mother and therefore have Parental Responsibility. Adoption is a very serious step as it would break any legal ties that you have with your children and would treat the mother’s partner as if he were their biological father, and so this is not something that is granted lightly. It is very rare that this is granted when the children have always had a relationship with their parent and that parent has parental responsibility for them and does not consent to an adoption.
We hope that this information has been useful to you, should you require any further advice or assistance please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an adviser will be happy to help.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
On a quick reading through this, one comment I would make is that if you went back to court and made a point that you believe that the letter your 9 year old sent was dictated, and asked the court if Cafcass could have a word with her to establish this either way - if your daughter did confirm this, then the court would not take kindly to this at all. IMO, you simply HAVE to go back to court on this - if you are on a low income, you may be eligible for legal assistance. If you don't do this, both you and your daughters could regret it for the rest of your lives.
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