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Hi fellow dads,
My situation is as follows: "I am a domestic abuse survivor and am left with modest savings (~2k; out of which I am affording 500 monthly rent and day-to-day expenses); my ex's earning is decent (~45k) and our 7-yrs-old son stays with her. We separated in March-end and next day, I went abroad to rehabilitate (realising I was on the verge of collapse) & safeguard son (who we were not offering a good environment) - No physical or verbal abuse between us but incessant lies & adultery from her side. With whatever-functional mind, I covertly investigated and got my hands on multiple evidence of what she was doing. She never came clean to me - & decided to manipulate even on the day we mutually filed for 'No Fault' divorce (only this time, she didn't know that I knew what was going on). I reported my case to several UK-based domestic violence organisations after moving away to figure out my rights; returned from abroad after 3 months to counter escalating child alienation attempts and initially went through major difficulties with housing/arrangements etc. Thereafter, when I informed my ex of my return along with a request for one-night sleepover access to my son on weekends (in my mind, primarily to be available to him in case she was not serving him well) and nominal/temporary financial support, she said - her solicitor says that she is not obliged to financially support me and didn't comment anything about the child-access. Despite being eligible for the legal aid, I couldn't claim it (which none of the support organisations thought was important mentioning, costing me time) as under the influence of her gaslighting, my mind didn't allow me to research & figure out how crucial it was to report prolonged abuse whilst I was going through it. Next, I am preparing to self litigate Child Access (C100) & Financial Arrangement (Form A, E) ASAP. BTW I am expecting an intimation for conditional order soon."
I have following questions:
- Does applying for financial arrangement &/or suing (for harm - major mental & physical health plus career prospects) in the UK have similar outcome & timeline - practically speaking?
- In what sequence would you recommend I should apply for child access and financial order (and/or suing), & why?
- Would my divorce be automatically delayed now due to unsettled financial arrangement; or do I do something for that?
Kind regards ❤️
In your position I’d probably park the ‘suing the ex’ stuff. If you believe you’ve been the victim of abuse it’s a criminal matter, so that would mean involving the police.
Concentrate on sorting out a financial and contact arrangement whereby you have as much access to your child as possible.
There are some very helpful guides on the Advicenow.org.uk website which will guide you through the process. You can apply for the divorce before the financial matters are sorted. The divorce will take a while as there are several stages to go through, especially if she doesn't respond, so focus on sorting out child arrangements as soon as you can. I've never heard of anyone suing in this situation so suggest you forget that.
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