[Solved] Received this letter from my Daughter aged 4, Help

Hi there,

That is a truly awful thing to receive from your daughter, I would suspect your ex has been behind this.

Your ex as an obligation to make your daughter availablet o see you and encourage her to also.

It's very common for ex's to try and manipulate children especially when they are so young.

You do have rights and there are processes in place for you to be able to see your daughter.

You would firstly need to at least try mediation as this is now expected by the courts and they won't hear a case until you have, if you can't get anywhere or your ex won't attend then the mediator will sign your court forms to show you have tried and you can apply to the courts for help.

If you get as far as court you don't need a solicitor as you can self represent and many of us have done this and can offer you advice and support.

The one thing mediation or court can't do is manage your ex's attitude though so you may have a long fight/journey ahead before you get to an acceptable place .

We are here for support and advice though so ask anything you need to know and we will try and help as best we can.

GTTS

Thank you for your quick reply.
I have just one quick question as I was talking to a nurse today and she said that my ex partner may be causing emotional abuse to my daughter by sending me that letter, can this really be true and if so who would i have to see. My Daughter is a beautiful girl and we have a very strong bond and I pray that my ex will not poison her mind.
I am sorry to keep bothering you with my problem and I am shaking just thinking about this.

Many Thanks

Eddie

Hi Eddie,

Sorry to hear about your situation.

If I were in your place, I would start the court process / mediation today, you can do this by calling them - http://www.familymediationcouncil.org.uk/.

Try to get a letter from nursery on what they said to you and present it in the court, it'll certainly help your case.

Why can't you see your daughter at nursery, pick her from there, since there is no child arrangement order and assuming you have PR, they should allow you to pick her up.

I hope this helps.

Thank you very much for your reply.
I will take you advice and hope this all turns out ok for my Daughter.

Many Thanks again

Eddie

Hello Eddie,

I feel so deeply for you.

The letter you received may have been written by your daughter but I believe it is her mother's doing which is an absolute disgrace. The fact she gave it to you indicates the level of her vindictiveness towards you and the depths to which she will stoop. Let us take something positive out of this, you have evidence which you can produce to the court indicating how the mother is behaving towards you and your daughter so whatever you do, save the letter!

To resume contact with your daughter as soon as possible, is priority. You have to be seen to try mediation first before applying to the court (I believe you can ask the mediator to sign the appropriate form without going through the whole process) and then, without hesitation, I would apply to the court for access to your daughter.

I have no tolerance for this type of mother, my approach is go to court, you can choose to represent yourself (lots of help and advice available here from the moderators) or employ a solicitor. If there are no safeguarding issues you will get access to your daughter, you can then make requests of the court and a judgement made regarding length of time and days which will then be written in a Court Order. The mother will then be unable to refuse contact or if she does she will be in breach of the court.

Please do not leave it too long before deciding on a course of action as judges want fathers to play an active role in the upbringing of their children and your daughter needs you.

I implore you to be impeccably behaved at all times so as to not give the mother any ammunition that may be used against you. If she offers to let you have contact with your daughter, meet her in a public place which has good CCTV such as McDonalds. Some mothers tell untruths about the fathers who then end up having molestation orders served on them, this then complicates matters considerably.

*** Please note, I have no legal training. I am expressing my personal opinion only as to what I would do in your situation.
I am a mother and grandmother who has supported her son through the [censored] of dealing with a narcissistic woman in gaining access to his children.

Best wishes.

Addition:- I have just read Nick's comment about collecting from the nursery, my Son hoped to do this but was told by the proprietor that the contract they had was with the mother because she was the one paying so they would not allow him to collect the child.

Thank you very much for your reply.
Its very hard for me at the moment as it feels like my heart has been torn out as there is so much more to this, It is my daughter that is suffering, to watch my daughter trying to stop me from leaving my ex's house the very last time i saw her left tears in my eyes, Everything my ex was asking for I gave to her in the hope of seeing my daughter. She says if my mother and myself must apologise on facebook then only can I see my daughter and have her weekends, All I have said is the truth to my family and my mother only said My ex was a bad mum because my daughter was really ill and my ex left her for her father and son to take my daughter to the emergency dept. and my ex went to work. I was advised not to put anything on facebook, I dont even have a facebook acc.
She is really distroying me as I have only just found out that my ex has been contacting my family and friends saying that the police and the domestic violence people are involved and they have told her not to let me see My daughter and this was ment to be reported 2 weeks ago. My brother and myself contacted the police as I knew this was untrue and the police said that no such report had been made. My ex just keeps on lying about everything.
I have a bad memory problem so my ex put a call recorder on my mobile phone mainly for calls from companys etc. Now all our conversations are recorded and my ex has a copy of all the recordings. Everything I have told you and there is so much more,Show that she is a compulsive liar. I must stop now and I am sorry to bother you all with my problems. I now feel really sad inside wondering what my Daughter is thinking, where is my dad. I miss my Daughter so much.

OK I must thank you all for your help and pray everything turns out OK

Kind Regards

Eddie

Hello Eddie,

Please don't apologize for telling us about your problems or how you feel. We have all been through the heartache of what you are going through AND we have come out the other side which you will !!! It is a hard road to travel but if you keep your emotions in check and do not retaliate in any way it will be a less complicated and quicker route to getting where you want to be.

Whatever you do, do NOT put anything on facebook.
NEVER give in to blackmail, once you do the blackmailer will only come back with another demand.
I don't believe you should give in to any demands your Ex makes especially when she is using your daughter as a tool to get at you.

Please remember what I said previously and hold on to the fact that you will get access to your daughter (as long as there are no safeguarding issues). You will then have time with your daughter away from the mother.

You state you have a strong bond with your daughter, this will stand you and her in good stead for when contact is resumed. I do not undermine the confusion this type of scenario causes to a child but they are very resilient.

I think you need to start the process a.s.a.p. of getting access for contact. Many solicitors offer a free 30 minute consultation, if possible it wants to be with one who is conversant in family law.

I would suggest you remove your daughter's name from your post as this is a public forum and someone whom you know could read it and your anonymity could be compromised.

Look after yourself, eat, sleep and exercise to enable yourself to stay strong.

Keep messaging to let us know how you are.

Once again I thank you for your support and I cannot believe how helpful this Forum is and I praise you for your time and effort.
I did not know that I put my Daughters name on your forum and I will remove it now, Just need to get myself together as everyone keeps telling me but its not easy.

Thanks again and I will keep in contact and update you ASAP

Kind Regards

Eddie

Hi There

I've removed your daughters name, you must be careful what you reveal on here as its a public forum...I would hate her to find your posts.

Please don't apologise for sharing your problems, we are here to listen and to help where we can.

Children are much stronger than we imagine, let's get the ball rolling and see if we can't help you get something in place so that your ex can't play you about like this anymore.

Your first step is to make that appointment with a mediator

www.nfm.org.uk

Once the mediator contacts her she will begin to see that you are serious and if she refuses to attend, or mediation fails the mediator will sign the forms for you to apply to court.

Thanks for the advice,

I will contact a local mediator tomorrow and start the process.

Do you think the recordings I have will be of any value as they really show the whole truth and highlight what she is really like. I am always calm and in every conversation try to calm her down. Its like for instance she shouting at me and saying I have never given her any money and was just using her and then on another recording she admits I give her money, Paid for her hire purchase for her car and paid her loan at £250 per month. etc.

You know as i'm writing all this down and thinking to myself maybe shes is ill because she is convinced that her lies are true.

Anyway tomorrow I am also going to my daughters school so that the teachers can confirm that the letter was written by my daughter, I hope I can produce this as the mediation and maybe it will help me..

If I have no court orders etc. stating that I cannot see my Daughter, Then I am doing nothing wrong by seeing her tomorrow or am I. I really need to see my Daughter.
But I also know that my ex will do something to really hurt me more and she will use my daughter as the weapon. But I am backed against a wall and can go no further.

Sorry again I cant stop my feelings.

Many Thanks and take care.

Kind Regards

Eddie

Hi Eddie and welcome to the forum

By all means speak with your daughters nursery but don't be surprised if they won't get involved or facilitate you seeing her. Keep a log of all communications as you have been doing and get the ball rolling with mediaiton.

Not that it's any consolation but your story is a familiar one here on the forum but keep posting and we will do what we can to support you. If the mother refuses to attend mediation you can make an application to court, it's not an easy route and one that should be avoided where possible, but is sometimes the only option available

Good luck