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Hopefully this is the correct forum to post in.
I'm looking for some advice on making reasonable requests for contact over what we'd typically consider key dates - Christmas, Birthdays, Fathers (and Mothers) day.
My ex and I have an agreement whereby I see my daughter regularly for sleepovers. Generally this works very well, although given the opportunity I would increase this - It's currently iro 110 nights/year.
However, for "special dates" it really depends on who has her on that date - so far, I haven't had the luck of the draw! And particularly for Christmas, my ex has quite categorically stated that I will never have her for Christmas day, although I can see her for a couple of hours - So far, I can see this isn't completely unreasonable. However, I've proposed that my ex continues to have my daughter for every Christmas, on the basis that I can see my daughter on boxing day, and that she stays with me until the following day. This would allow her to spend quality time at both homes, and not be rushed to open gifts, eat and return home.
For birthdays (my daughters), I've suggested we agree the other parent spends time with her the day before of afterwards. So she has quality time with us both.
So far, I'm faced with a resounding "no". I feel that my suggestions are reasonable, and that it's in our daughters best interests.
How do others make arrangements over these dates, and what issues have you faced?
If I was to take this to court, is it likely a judge would look to rule in my favour? I hasten to add, I'd rather avoid this!
Thanks
Hi Chris
Arrangements for special occasions are often a bone of contention and many of our members have varied arrangements.
Examples of my own experience and some others I've seen working are;
Birthdays - alternating between each parent, time with both parents, or an extra contact date for the NRP as close to the birthday as possible
Christmas - alternating one week each of holidays with handover on Boxing Day, Xmas eve to Xmas Day afternoon alternating between each parent, Xmas Day split in half between both parents, alternating the morning / afternoon the following year.
The possibilities of a split / fair arrangement are endless but only feasible if you can reach agreement.
If you are unable to agree yourselves or in mediation, the only other route left is court. A judge is likely to decide a fair split and try to get you both to agree this in their presence and it would then go into an order. If you can't agree at court, the judge will decide and generally they are very fair with special occasions.
To give you an idea of other contact, a very bog standard arrangement is alternate full weekends, one midweek overnight and a share of special occasions and school holidays.
Good luck
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