[Solved] Reaching out to alienated kids

Hi chriseverton,

Sounds like a difficult situation to be in, sorry to hear about your predicament.

How is the relationship with you and the ex? I'm just thinking you should be mindful of any situation getting out of hand if you go around uninvited. Even though it is clear your intentions are right, you don't want a pear-shaped situation being framed as you overstepping boundaries, being too pushy or aggressive etc. At the end of the day, your childrens' wellbeing (emotional and physical) has to be at the forefront of your mind.

I appreciate your ex isn't responding to your texts, but maybe writing a slightly more formal/letter email might help. As a general structure you can just highlight to her that you'd like to keep in regular contact with the kids, but also appreciate that this should be at a pace they decide (not you or her). If they feel comfortable to reply or reach back out then of course you'll make every effort to keep the communication going.

For your own peace of mind if nothing else, you may want to consider sending letters/cards etc. via recorded delivery (and keep on to the receipts and tracking). Also take pics of what you're sending.

I genuinely believe all children yearn to have a relationship with both of their parents, so where you can keep your focus on that. When the time is right, they'll reach out to you regardless of who pressures them not to and it'll be good for them to know you were trying the whole time.

Best of luck whatever route you take,
CD.

Me and the ex have tried to avoid each other since separation, but never any violence or aggression. Her views on my reasons for leaving are different to the truth (accused of having an affair). I think it is time now, after over 3 and a half years (for 2 years after I was seeing the kids without issue) , for us to deal with each other face to face. She has failed to move on and probably still hates me for leaving, but hopefully she would prefer to deal with me over text than have me turning up at the doorstep

I would avoid just turning up at her house - she might claim harrasment, and you really don't want the police involved and anything on your record.

Thanks for this, perhaps a letter through the door asking her to reply would be worth doing first of all

hi,

regarding schooling, you still have to right to attend sports days, parents evening etc. if your ex is not playing ball, speak to the school.

Yes, the school are on side now. They would not deal with me until the court proceedings had finished but I have now met with them and they have added me to the absent parent list, meaning I will receive reports, updates etc

Hi mate. I just thought I'd give my experience of reaching out to a child thats been alienated.

I've not seen my two elder daughters for 5 years now. They are now 14&12 now. I started court proceedings, Cafcass went and saw my children and from then on it was clear they had been alienated so I withdrew my court application.

I attempted to reach out to the eldest child last year on social media, I was told by my daughter In unequivocal terms to F off and to never contact her again and that i had made her life [censored]. That broke me as just by the reply it showed how alienated she was.

I have no doubt that one day she will attempt to contact me however I am still very upset that she told me to F off. I found that totally disrespectful and thought I had brought them up better than that.

My mother then passed away a few months after that, she died without ever seeing them again and I suppose in my mind I feel had my daughter of responded to be positively then my mum may have seen them before she died. So I'm very upset about that and I'm not sure when they are adults and they attempt contact with me, if I'll respond positively to them. They were also given the opportunity to attend mums funeral and they refused.

It is very hard tho because I know all of this is because they simply do not want to upset their mum. Their mum has even told them they can see me, but then they hear Mum bitching about me so they are getting mixed messages from her.

I hope your experience is a little more positive than mine, but please prepare yourself that if you do reach put you may be rejected like I was.

Hi Dec. I'm so sad to read your story. I believe I'm just starting my alienated journey. My children are 11 10 7 and 5. I was with them every day of their lives up until June this year. My wife made false allegations against me again, as in 2012. Only this time it's worse. If you get a minute read my story just above yours... Take good care. Devo.