[Solved] Re: Ex wants to move my son 200 miles away

Hi there

What court process are they currently in? Is your partner the applicant for a Child Arrangement Order to have contact with his children?

Courts are generally loathe to change residency without very good reason and you would need evidence to support such an application. He could try asking for a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent her moving but these are difficult to get for moves within the same country unless your other half can prove it is to prevent contact taking place.

Re the Cafcass interview tomorrow, your partner needs to stay child focused and not bad mouth the mother but state any concerns he has in a factual way. There's a really good sticky on Cafcass at the top of the Legal Eagle section.

As for supporting your partner, it's a tough one, I've been doing exactly this for a long time now. You both need to detach from it as much as much as you are able which is quite difficult to do. You could encourage him to post on here and speak to Dads in similar situations but that's easier said than done, my other half won't.

I've helped my partner with all the legal paperwork as he's self repping which has made me feel a bit more helpful, at least on a practical level. Be patient with him and encourage him to talk to you when he wants to.

It might be worth having a look at the Families Need Fathers website, they run branch meetings all over the UK where you can both go to get advice and speak to other parents in similar situations.

Your partner is lucky to have you supporting him, it's not easy process to go through for any of you.

Good luck and feel free to post as much as you like, you'll get as much support as you need here 🙂

Hi there 1626

Yes its a child arrangement order but if The Ex is going to be allowed to move away because SHE wants to, with no thought for the children and how it will affect them, what good will it do? It would seem that the situation is all about how it affects her and how will she cope etc. etc......

It makes me wonder why the system is so against Father's and them seeing their children after a separation? All kids need their Dad in their life, he is their Hero.

I will let him know about the 'Prohibited Steps Order ' and have a look at the 'Families Need Fathers' website.

It is awful to see him feeling so utterly helpless in all of this when all he wants is to see them and spend time with them on a regular basis. Just wish I could do something to help 🙁

Thank you for your help 1626 x

No worries, it's not a great system and so unfair at times. Unfortunately, it's a common theme with mum's to put their own needs and ideas above their childrens need for a relationship with their Dad. Heartbreaking. Feel for you. Feel free to pm if you need to chat further or in more detail.

The other thing you can do if your partner isn't represented is call Coram Childrens Legal Centre, they have a telephone line for free legal advice and they will speak to you,. I used it a lot to get advice for my partner and they were really helpful 🙂

I think that you perhaps cannot avoid getting involved. He is in a difficult situation having walked out on his children (which is how it will be presented) and having not seen them for 3 months. Therefore he is the bad guy in the eyes of the court system.

His ex will almost undoubtedly be allowed to move. In reality the court process will allow her to do more or less what she wants. His only realistic chance of rebuilding his relationship with his children in a meaningful and long-term way is to move in the same direction.

I am sorry if this comes across as blunt, I have sympathy but this is a tough and adversarial process. I have been through much of this myself, albeit with a lesser distance, and he is likely to rapidly hit the solid wall of reality. He needs to continue to try to keep them local, but expect and plan for the worst.

I am also surprised that they are embroiled in the court process within 3 months of separating. There has been no time for things and emotions to settle and that makes it more likely that it will not go smoothly and that the childrens' requirements will be relegated below those of the mother.

Have they tried mediation? Is he represented? Is she?

By the way, be very careful with CAFCASS. Do not say anything adverse about the mother, be constantly child-focussed and single minded in his interest in their needs.

I hadn't seen that their split was that recent (trying to skim through and pull out the relevant info) sorry. I'm not excusing anything she has done in front of the children but if that's the case she is bound to be feeling raw, especially if he has a new partner already. Wanting to move will probably be a knee [censored] reaction to provide her with some help and support for the children at a vulnerable time.

Having said that, it doesn't stop you helping your partner but IMO she will need time to readjust......

...yes three months is no time in the scheme of things and feelings will be very raw.

If the suicide attempt and eating disorder are documented then this may provide leverage with a PSO. Attempting suicide whilst the children are present is harmful to them and whilst I feel sympathy for the obvious distress of the mother, the children's well being has to be the priority. If this is bought up with CAFCASS and the court then I would hope that the father can show concern and sensitivity for his ex, but his main concern must be for the children.

I've just seen the duplicate post, I'm going to delete that as it could confuse with the same threads running parallel.

I'm also going to move this into its own topic , it's better not to tag new queries onto older threads.