[Solved] Quick Question on nursery fees

Not sure about the fees side of things.....i know from the Maintenance side you should be paying her 15% of your wages anythign else is at your descretion and for your child only not her and her fella's benefit! Why help her feather her nest with her new fella if she's refusing you contact with your child?....contact that your child deserves!

if she refuses contact you don;t have many options as far as i can see it.....try writing her a letter stating why you should be a part of your childs life...use the words "our child" so she is reminded that your child is not just hers!
if she still won't then suggest mediation to sort out your differences........you have to try mediation first or at least show that you've been prepared to but your ex won't before court would let you go for a contact order.

Your final option then becomes applying to the courts for a defined contact order.......and beleive me that can be either a short process if she doesn't contest it or it could be long, painful and costly if you uses solicitors.

there will be others on here who are much better placed to advise than i can who will pop by and help you out

I would say you need to only pay the maintenance, I know this sounds harsh but you need your own place to have quality time with you little one overnight stays etc.
im learning slowly that its all about control with the ex's. why make it easy for her when she stops you seeing your L1.

I am happy with my new partener and she is due in next 2 weeks , we did talk about leaving maintainance the same for my ex but she is stopping me having them overnight. so will be dropping it to what csa work it out to.

andy

How do you pay your share of costs? If it's anything other than by standing order then stop and set it up stating child maintance or you'll find out the hard way if she goes to the CSA as no doubt she will if you dont buckle to her. Even better see if you can pay your share of the nursery fee's direct to the nursery so she cant use the funds for other purposes

Thanks for responses so far folks.

I pay her thru standing order and have done since day 1. We came to an agreement over money which is not 15% of my wage but it was agreed to be a fair amount that both of us were happy with. I was left with £0000's of debt and I'm still paying some of those now!!
We agreed to pay half of everything extra for our son and that included his nursery fees even though she decided that it was time for him to start even though we had grandparents to look after him. Nursery has been great for him and I always wanted him to go albeit not as soon as she did!

I'm quite lucky that even though I stay with a parent I'm on my own a lot of the time as my mum doesn't stay at home often and especially if I have my son. I know this still isn't ideal and I would like nothing more than to have my own flat/house to call our own but can't quite happen just now. However, I have been with someone new for over a year now and really think she's "the one" I didn't introduce my son to her until 7 months to make sure she was the right person for me and also my son. It's come to a point now where we'd like to take it to the next level and move in together and that may be able to happen soon.

As far as I can see I'm not gonna get to see my son more than what I do just now without court orders and solicitors which I don't want to do and can't really afford!? His mum had also mentioned that if I did then she would stop ALL contact!!? That is the last thing I want!!

So, do I do her no favours and tell her to find the money between her and her new fella since they've managed to buy a house together and obviously have some money!? Which then also asks the question of what my money actually goes on?!?! A 3 year old doesn't take up THAT much money! What does our maintenance money actually go towards? Risking that she turns round and accuses me of not caring for my son and possibly reduces contact even more?!

She can spend the money as she see's fit. If your paying debt from the previous relationship and the amount then use the CSA calculator as a guideline and work out a new monthly amount.

If the debt is from the relationship and was for the benefit of the relationship, then it is taken into account in the CSA calculation (not sure if the online calculator does this?)