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Hi guys, didn't think I would be writing again so quickly after the court hearing, As many of you know I went for full custody but was granted 50/50 shared care.
Not wanting this to hinder my life or my sons, myself, my wife and family have taken it in our stride and adapted as best as we could to the change in living arrangements for my son and what the court has instructed.
So only a month on, my ex wife contacts me and states that she is having problems with her car and as unfortunate as the situation is she will not be able to have our son for a period of time stipulated within the court order this week. The period of time is 4 days, 2 of them being school days. She would need to collect him one day and take him to school and collect him on another. I replied and said that I was happy to collect Son over weekend from her house to help her out but that the rest of the court order must be complied with, i.e.: she must have him when she has been instructed to. The ex then got very angry with me stating that my sons school is right on my doorstep and she has to travel across town and get 3 buses just to get him to school. I responded accordingly stating that when we have our son it is our responsibility to ensure that there are adequate provisions in place should a problem arise. She didn't like that. Anyway, a short time after she texted me telling me that my son who had stayed with her for 10 days had barely slept and it was because of something my wife had told him about windows and doors and therefore he was petrified about burglars getting in. Of course, I didn't bite and tried to diffuse the situation. I explained that should our son be experiencing problems it might be something to do with the fact that he is struggling adapting to the current arrangements. He has voiced that he doesn't want to live with her and this view is continued from him. Basically she has said that she cannot have him for the time this week that she needs to so where does that leave us? Do I collect school if they ring and he hasn't been collected?
Any way cut a long story short, I picked up my son to help her out. My son then proceeds to tell me that his mother had a go at him because he wanted to live with me and my family. I think this is disgusting. The very fact that she has gone straight to him and told him off. Then he tells me that his mums boyfriend who was previously not allowed in the house due to domestic abuse and violence between the pair has been arguing with his mum. His mum hit him and they argued, causing him to be scared. It was deemed at the last court hearing that there was no problem with the boyfriend being there any further.
My view is that I chose to let this happen, wait and see what happens because she WILL fail. What constitutes 'too much' ? Do I let my son suffer while collecting evidence to take this back to court (I don't like the idea of that). Do I take it back to court on the basis that this is not working and son isn't settling ion to this at all? The SW said that he felt he would find it difficult at first but would settle in to it. It has only been 6 weeks since court and still we are no nearer to him being settled there. His mother is shouting at him when he is there, he has been smacked, mum & boyfriend are arguing and now she is discussing adult matters with him (6). I can see that his mother is struggling already so its a matter of time really.
Any help would be respectfully appreciated
It's really difficult for you all, I wish I could say that you should suspend contact and go back to court straight away....after all that would be in your sons best interests, but I'm afraid the court wouldn't see it that way, they haven't been the best support for you and your son in my opinion.
If it were me I would have my child whenever she asks me to... and keep a log of all the times she lets him down. I would sit him sdown and explain in simple terms that mum isnt reliable and that sometimes he won't see her as planned.
Give the Social worker a call and ask that they log what your son has told you, about what he witnessed with the boyfriend and the fact that she is already backtracking.
Perhaps you could ask mum if she would like to revert back to weekends and suggest that she has alternate weekends and a day in the week and shared school holidays. She might go for it, if she does after six months you can reapply to have full custody again.
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