Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Have had first hearing for contact order for my son. It is very clear that my ex-wife has no intention at all to even try to reach an agreement regarding contact, constantly dictating the times and days of my current minimal contact, refusing to even consider anything additional and even dismissing ALL my choice of dates to see my son over the Summer holidays. Her reasons are always consistent...it doesn't fit in with her plans, not convenient for her!
So, having taken a great deal of inspiration and encouragement from others on this forum my aim is now quite clear. During our marriage, and indeed continuing after the divorce, I was the victim of domestic violence. I have never reported any of the incidents to the police out of a ridiculous sense of both shame and loyalty. However, the situation impose on me regarding contact with my son has got to such a stage that I want to be able to tell the court exactly what sort of person my ex-wife really is. I don't want to rush in and character assassinate her, but I want to give a controlled, concise and honest picture of her, including the physical violence. Am I able to do this by way of a personal statement, if so can this be submitted to court before the next hearing to give the judge and legal advisor time to read it? What are the likely ramifications for my ex-wife? Does anyone have any similar first-hand experience about how disclosure of the mothers' history of DV against the father has been taken by the judge/court?
Thanks
Tel.
Hi there,
If there is no record of the DV against you it will be difficult to prove. You could make a statement and file it with the court before the next hearing but you will also have to send a copy to her solicitor or her if she is self repping. There are some advice services for men that have been the victim of DV and it might be a good idea to talk to someone about it...I would think its very common for men not to want to admit to it for the reasons you have given here
Hi Kenny...its such a difficult question to answer. If she has alleged DV, with no evidence the judge could just ignore it, but he could also decide to investigate it further, and ask for reports to be submitted at the second hearing before deciding on any contact. The fact that it has been such a long time since the children last saw you, and the fact that they are very young, the court may well err on the side of caution, and even if deciding to ignore the DV allegation, could decide on supervised contact....I think that this is the best you can expect for the time being.... but I really hope I'm wrong!
this is exactly the same situation I faced.
I petitioned for divorce... filled in a c1a domestic violence form, and petitioned for residency of my children. The interim hearing gave me minimal contact until CAFCASS reports were made. Despite my two oldest children being influenced by the mother before CAFCASS, the CAFCASS officer discusssed what had happened in the marriage... included the DV Issues at length.
In my case, despite no witness reports of DV, like yourself, I believe in telling the truth will pay off, I waited 6 months for the hearing but got 150 days contact with my youngest, my middle son is pending and my eldest can choose whether to see me. I believe the clarity of my case and consistency paid off...
the mother is now breaching my contact order within a month of it being granted... I wont give up though.
Be prepared though that if you allege DV the likely result will be a shutdown of all contact by the mother...
I had no choice but to do this as I wasnt seeing them anyway.
Good luck, hope this is helpful
My advice would be make sure this is listed in front of a judge or a magistrate so a decision can be made.
Prompt your barrister during the hearing to progress matters.
Good luck
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.