[Solved] Positive Parenting Programme (not Triple P) - a groundbreaking failure

My Husband has been going through the Family Court system for two years, for a CAO with his children. The mother (I'm still not sure she deserves that title) has always been hostile to contact and the relationship between him and his children needed to be reestablished.

Contact was going very well and overnights had been introduced - they have half siblings from me and my Husband, and their relationship was blossoming too. Without going into too much detail, the mother quite clearly did not like how well the contact was going and her efforts to thwart it, weren't succeeding. She much preferred the idyllic nuclear family set up she had before, with her new victim (sorry, partner) playing Daddy.

After having several interim orders to gradually increase contact, the judge decided they were perfectly able to come to their own agreements for contact and therefore closed the case, with a liberty to restore. Odd decision I might add, considering each and every order resulted in going to court as the mother continuously dragged her heels, spouting every excuse she could think of as to why contact should not progress.

As suspected, my Husband had to restore the case and back to court we went. However, the mother decided to change tactics and now stated one of the children was suffering from anxiety and self harming and the other simply did not want to go. Cue her initiating CAHMS referrals and overnights stopping. Quite a U-turn, as a week or two prior to this she had begrudgingly admitted the children were adjusting. Of course, she used her children to message my Husband and inform him they did not want to see him. The actions of an "encouraging, pro-contact" parent supposedly!

At this point the judge became quite confused and could see there was more to this case then meets the eye. It was decided that the children be appointed a Cafcass Guardian and they be sent on the new pilot "groundbreaking" Positive Parenting Programme (it's not the Triple P Programme). We were informed the programme involves meetings, emails, phone calls between all parties to all work together to support the children in contact moving forward. Their website also says they use "restorative practise principles" to help undo the emotional harm that has been afflicted to the child. It is designed to make the alienating parent look at their behaviour through their childrens eyes and begin to put their needs first. Great, we thought, they are finally listening and are going to help...

However, it turns out this programme is 4 sessions in total; an individual meeting with each parent, then the guardian meets with the children, then a joint meeting with both parents - this took 3 and a half months. No emails or calls inbetween this, besides arranging the actual meetings. My Husband had his meeting with the Guardian, which was quite intense. He got across his concerns about the mother heavily influencing the children, and he was assured they would get to the bottom of what is happening. They reiterated that contact must move forward and overnights be reinstated, highlighted the importance of their half siblings and my Husbands side of the family ie. Grandparents, Cousins etc.

This all sounds very positive. Then comes the joint meeting. Cafcass said they have ascertained the childrens wishes and feelings by asking them three/four scripted questions. The guardian recommended no overnights at all anymore but a day visit every 6 weeks, in their home town, for 6 hours. Their half siblings are no longer to be included in contact at all. One skype call and one email a week. Their reasons are for the following:

- Lack of trust in the relationship, which needs to be built on (of course, the mother has told them she does not trust their father and has done her best to damage their relationship! Great idea to reduce their contact so they can build trust! Excellent!)
- They only see their family as their mums side of the family and aren't interested in having "another" family.
- They would rather be playing out with their friends and they miss their toys.
- It's too far to travel (2.5 hours) and they worry my Husband won't take them home.
- They worry that if contact increases, it will keep increasing until they are more or less live here.
- They don't want to see their father at all...but say they DO enjoy their time with him and did enjoy staying overnight?! (How very conflicted?!)
- Oh, the guardian did however manage to ascertain that there was no anxiety or self harm occuring, as the mother had bleated over the past few months.

What they have completely failed to realise is that these answers are completely coached and the mother has introduced these worries to the children. Considering this was supposed to be a programme that recognises parental alienation and tackles it, cafcass have done diddley squat. The guardian has asked 3 basic questions and taken their answers completely at face value. My Husbands individual meeting was utterly irrelevant, everything he was assured of has been completely ignored.

It also transpired in the joint meeting that the mother has been sharing disagreements she and my Husband has, with their children. When he challenged her on this, she simply shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes. And apparently cafcass are unable to see maybe, just maybe, SHE has been influencing the children?! Also, skype calls are supposed to take place every week, which never actually do, despite her "best efforts". When my Husband asked her how she encourages the children to Skype she said she lets them decide for themselves, as it should be their choice! Again, cafcass sat there and said nothing, with blank faces. Laughably the mother said she feels the children will have no issue skyping or emailing now as they know they won't have to stay overnight - it has been over two weeks now and he has not had any replies to his email and he sits their dutifully waiting on skype at the agreed time, without even a text from the mother to inform him it is not happening. The guardian has been informed of this, but she has said to just speak to the mother and has turned a blind eye.

So this is where we are at, and this is our experience of the "groundbreaking" intervention that is the Positive Parenting Programme, designed to tackle parental alienation. It will be rolled out nationwide soon. It's hard to express the disappointment.

As the guardian made it clear the above were going to be her recommendations should he wish to still go to court. Knowing the court are 99% likely to just go with their recommendation, my Husband has relented, and had to agree. Doesn't it very much look like a tick in the box for this pilot programme, though? It has been successful in avoiding further court hearings, the parents have reached an agreement, the children have had their wishes and feelings heard, everyones happy, eh?

I'd like to that Mojo for all of the support and advice over the last two years - it's what has kept me sane.