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Hi,
I need some advice on what to do next...............
My ex after we split reduced my access to my daughter to 7 hours on a Saturday every other week once she learnt of my new relationship, this was 8 months after we split for the final time. In December that year I took her to court & got fair access awarded to me, shortly afterwards and for the following year my ex made mine & my partners life a living [censored] by sending annonymous cards, nasty letters, spreading nasty rumours, stalking my partner, being abusive - to name but a few, we have had to call the police on a few occasions . One day we had an email row about dates for the following year, she ended up telling my daughter i was not letting her go on holiday. My ex ended up becoming abusive in the street, so i called the police. My ex ended up going back to her car & also called the police until she drove off & became in breach of the court order, she ended up attempting to take out a non-molestation order out on me and accused me of trying to trip her up whilst holding our daughter and even sporting a bruise from somewhere....in her statement she told a massive pack of lies and had a few of her friends conjure up false statements. On the initial court hearing i had to take undertakings prohibiting me from going near her house and we had third parties collect and drop off her daughter, luckily I had recorded & saved alot of her unacceptable behaviour in various forms, i dropped my solicitor & went to town on my case. At the beggining of our final hearing her solicitor advised me she no longer wanted to go through with it all and wanted to make a deal, i ended up getting the case dismissed & i got a fairer deal and had no legal fees to pay - the only thing was that the undertakings and third party arrangements remained because they were working, we also had a contact book which comes & go's with our daughter.
This felt like a victory for a while and minimal contact was amazing for myself & my partner but the contact book got fuller & fuller of rants each time we received it. On one time when my partner dropped off my daughter (my partner was one of two selected third parties), my partner was being as nice as she always is but my daughter asked for another cuddle on my ex's doorstep, my ex pulled my daughter back by her onsie and slammed the door, this disturbed my partner. We ended up making note of this in the contact book and said we would drop off my daughter halfway down the drive as this would be the best thing for our daughter, my ex ended up writing that my partner was no longer welcome to be a third party and if she dropped off our daughter she will call the police. I always keep my responses in the book to a minimum but i did say that all the rules of both court orders will be followed including selected third parties.
The next thing i know i have received a letter from her solicitor stating i got my daughter to be horrible to her mum and say that she wished she was dead, she also stated that my partner has been abusive more than once and she has feared for her life should things escalate, the solicitor states myex wants a change in the 3rd party and that my behaviour is unacceptable and should it continue then they will take us back to court - this is however all completely untrue and infact we have audio recorded all of my partners encounters whilst dropping off my daughter.
What i need advice with is what to do next? Do i respond to her solicitor? I cannot afford my own solicitor, i was going to go to the Citizens advice this week. My other 3rd party is my dad but he cannot do all of the drop off's. I was thinking i need to re-submit the C100 form in order to have the original court order changed, to include things like pick up & drop off via school, 3rd party to 3rd party contact instead of direct contact or even the book - any changes needed to reduce any form of contact to its absolute bare minimum and above all to raise these lies and behaviour to cafcass & the courts.
Hi there
Could you tell me if you have full weekend contact and if it would be possible to do a pick up from school on Friday, dropping back in school on Monday morning?
This would be the answer to the problem, you would also have to think about arrangements during school holidays, perhaps this is something your dad could do, or you could think about meeting in a public place for handovers if your dad wasn't able to. Some people use supermarket car parks or the entrance as they have cctv, which does afford you some protection from false allegations or hostile behaviour.
You would need to apply for a variation of the existing order, but unfortunately you would need to attempt mediation before you could make an application to court. If mediation fails you would apply for a variation with the C100 form,
I would respond to her solicitor, stating that no such thing happened and that in fact you and your partner have had to deal with a barrage of verbal and written abuse for some time, which you have proof of. I would photocopy the communication book. Suggest to the solicitor, to avoid further unpleasantness,that handovers could be done via school, which would cancel out the need for third party involvement, except during school holidays, or if you have midweek contact, suggestour dad or a handover in a public place for yours and her protection against further difficulties.You could also say that if agreement can't be reached you will not hesitate to apply to court for a variation.
All the best
I agree with Mojo - if you can arrange for handovers to take place at school where possible, this would probably be your best option.
Failing that - you have two options
1 - apply for a variation using a C100 but this will require attempting mediation
2 - apply for enforcement using a C79 if she refuses to stick to the court order- you can indicate this intention to the solicitor - this route doesn't require attendance at mediation
Hi,
Thankyou both so much for your replies. I have my daughter from 6pm on a friday until 6pm on a Sunday and I would be able to pick her up and drop her off. If i do go down the C100 route which i believe is what will need to happen, are you sure i will need mediation? We attempted that the first time around which failed and i currently have to honour these undertakings stopping me from going 100m to her home, i know the case was dismissed but the undertakings remained due to them being successful.
Unfortunately, there is a page in the C100 that a mediator needs to sign unless you qualify for exemption from mediation. You might be able to get away with not attending if the undertakings mean there can be no face to face contact.
Attempting mediation doesn't necessarily mean having to attend together. If the matter is unsuitable, or the parties cannot agree, the mediator can sign it off.
It might be worth giving these people a call to see if your undertakings would exempt you;
Having just looked over the form it appears that you can can claim an exemption from mediation.
Page 4/section 2 states ..." in addition you must tick one f the boxes below and ensure that you, your legal adviser or a family mediator completes the relevant section....
So you'd tick the yes box at 2b and complete section 13
At section 13 you would tick the first box. 'domestic violence' and then complete section 13a 'The applicant confirms that there is evidence of domestic violence, as specified below.
Scroll down section 13a and tick the 5th box, a relevant protective injunction which is in force........an undertaking given in England and Wales..... would seem the appropriate box.
You would need to take evidence of the undertaking to the first hearing.
I still advise that you write to her solicitor and suggest the school as a handover space.
Best of luck
Thans to both Yoda and Mojo, you have both been really helpful. I have written to the solicitors as you have both suggested and i will apply for the variation and attempt the mediation exemption - I will let you both know how i get on, thanks again.
Hi Mojo,
After ticking the 5th box on 13a, do you know if I would need to complete 13d and would I still need a mediator to complete section 14?
Cheers
No, I think you would move down to the last section just to sign the form.... section 13a allows the applicant to make this declaration without the need of a mediator...at least that's how I read it.
All the best
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