[Solved] Please help

Hi,

Your Daughters mum has just given birth so her body will be a flood with hormones, she will be very protective, exhausted... and a lot of other things. If this is her first child then are you aware if she has any support for her and your daughter in terms of family and friends that are close by to help when she needs it?. You'll want to know for your daughters sake if nothing else.

You seem to be on talking terms so write her a letter explaining about the change in payments due to you working circumstances, that you are sorry for the inconvenience and upset but you will of course continue to pay support towards the upbringing of your daughter every month in line with the recommendations set out by the CSA (now CMS), let her know that she may actually end up with a bit less money if she was to take it through the CMS due to the the charges to both parties for using the service. see https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance. its better if you can keep it to a personal agreement, you can suggest that this agreement is put down in writing between yourselves if this helps to settle things.

I would also state in your letter that you wish to be apart of your daughters life and ask that she considers making a regular arrangement where you could spend some time with your daughter each week? maybe offer for this to take place at your parents, or hers, or somewhere neutral like a Sure Start Center if one is close by if she has any concerns. You could also look into mediation which is a really good way forward as the mediator puts the child's best interests first and gets both sides to see the bigger issues at hand both now and in the future. See http://www.nfm.org.uk/. Since your daughter is a new born, her mother may be breast feeding, if so then this will impact upon how much time you may be able to spend with your daughter in any single period.

If your ex has already registered the birth of your daughter at the registry office then you need to go there and check yourself if you are named on the birth certificate, if you have not been put on the birth certificate and you are not married then you do not have any parental responsibility at all, and therefore have no rights to see your daughter, but yes as her biological farther you still have to pay maintenance. If you do not have parental responsibility then i would strongly suggest that you get it as soon as possible. please see https://www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/what-is-parental-responsibility and read each page about what is parental responsibility, who has parental responsibility, how to apply for parental responsibility.

Your on a really good forum here and there is loads of really good advice and support.

Hi there

She's such a sweetie! It's such a pity when new mothers take this stance, it should be all about what's best for your daughter and not what she can get out of it.

As far as child maintenance is concerned, you can also open a case with the CSA ( now called the CMS). Unfortunately CM and contact are two entirely separate issues , it won't matter that you are not on the birth certificate, unless you are denying you are the father, or that you are being prevented from seeing her, if you are able to pay, in the eyes of the CMS that is all that counts. Here's a link to the CMS calculator that will give you an indication of what you might be expected to pay.

www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

As your daughter is still very young contact would be in short but frequent periods, but if you are having difficulty communicating with your ex you might like to think about mediation to try and reach agreement.

www.nfm.org.uk

If this fails then the only other option is court to apply for a Child Arrangements Order. This puts immense strain on a separated parents relationship and should always be a last resort.

Have you thought about writing to her about how you feel and what you would like to happen? If you look in the stickys at the top of the legal eagle section you'll find a link to the CAFCASS Parenting Plan, this might be a good starting point.

As far as getting on the birth certificate, this can be done either by the mother agreeing and both of you filling out a Parental Responsibility Agreement. Which is them lodged with the Registry office, or by court order.