[Solved] Pick and Drop OFF solutions

I have just come out of the centre and in the community now supported of course.

I am writing a contact proposal (see my first post) and was advised to increase contact gradually. In your case, 3hrs, then 5 then 8hrs, staying late for dinner then overnight (1, 2, 3 nights).

I have used 4 weeks interval to progress to the next stage. Ex should suggest where you can pick and drop off child so that sorts out the non-mol bit. She can also apply to discharge the non-mol or vary it to allow for drop offs. When does the non-mol expire? Might be worth planning your proposal calendar to sync with when the non-mol ends. You can also request for a variation if it conflicts with the court order.

Why not use the grandparents' ?

The non molestation order I have states that I can come to her house to pick up son, but only from the driveway. However, she doesnt want me near the house and wants everything done at the centre. Problem is, she claims her parents are too weak to take the 10min bus journey to the centre during weekday and she cant because she works. Also, wants son on Satuday. So that only leaves Sunday.

Your contact proposal is that the final one or an interim?

So what do people think should be my stratergy, both in the interim and long term goal of shared residency with 3 overnights in a week.

I think it will benefit my son to see me more than one day a week especially in the interim.

Sunday is not a problem. Its finding a solution to allow contact on the weekdays.

Need to find a way of getting interim contact in the community that is more than one day a week.

Hey guys, don't get so bogged down in the details, better to have your general proposals of contact prepared and let the court / CAFCASS agree on the finer points. The judge just wants to see you focused on the best interests of your children and will deal with timings and locations once the basics are in place. Good luck and well done for being there for your children 🙂

BM

With the current situation you are in, I would definitely be asking for unsupervised contact away from the contact centre.

Whether you get the number of hours you are asking for is something that will be decided in court. The things to consider is that what you are asking for is a big jump from what you currently have. But with these things, if you ask for 3 whole days, and perhaps only get 3 half days to start with, then that is still progress and something that can further be built upon.

The fact is, the contact centre is prohibitive and limits the time you can spend with your son. So without any good reason to keep contact in the centre, naturally it should move to your home and the local community.

It would be far better for your son to spend plenty of quality time with you than it would be to have a childminder look after him in the day - I don't know if your ex works or not. But in any case, without reason to keep you both in the centre, you should push for more time during the week and weekend for contact in your local area. You live local, and thus there will be minimal disruption to your son. State to the court that your proposal for midweek contact and weekend contact will allow you and your son to further bond, whilst doing activites appropriate to his age, all locally, which wont disrupt his routine.

As for drop offs and handovers, it seems to me that your ex is just making excuses for why these cannot occur at certain locations, in the knowledge that it could thwart contact. This is not good enough on her part. I would go to court with various options for how handovers can be facilitated i.e at her home on the driveway, at a local police station, public place (train station/supermarket e.t.c), or even the contact centre. If she makes excuses for why none of these is feasible, then the judges will quickly lose patience with her.

The key thing is to be part of the solution while allowing your ex to continue to show why she is part of the problem. The court wont tolerate her putting roadblocks in the way and im sure handovers can be agreed if the judge/magistrates lean on her and her solicitor.

Simon.

Thanks Simon

Me fear is that the 3 magistrates and legal advisor who are handling my case will be blind sided by my ex DV allegations and keep me at the centre to cover their asses.

I need to find a way of stopping this.

I think here the key thing is that your ex has put herself in a bad position by making the allegation now, especially after a finding of fact hearing was turned down - either by herself (which I find strange that she was given a decision on this) or by the magistrates.

Going forward, you need to nip this in the bud now to ensure that any allegations are dealt with now. It is clear that your ex is using them to thwart contact and delay progression, so they need to be dealt with now, so that they do not impact proceedings any further. You could state to the court that you are concerned that fresh allegations are now surfacing, during proceedings, that have never bee made before either to cafcass, court, or even the police. And on that basis, you would like the court to determine whether these allegations are relevent to contact, and if do, hold a fact find hearing to ascertain whether they are true or false. The fact that your ex has made an allegation now, which dates back years, that has no evidence to substantiate it, would suggest to me the holding of a fact find would be pointless, and secondly, the allegation wouldnt get very far.

Also, if your ex truly felt the allegation meant your child was at harm during contact, she should have made the allegation in court before now, and to cafcass during initial safeguarding interviews. Any mother who truly has the best interests of the child at heart would speak up about this type of allegation when she had the opportunity in court. She didnt, which to me, makes her claims seem extremely spurious.

I think ask for a fact find, or that the allegations be treated as allegations not found, and that the case can then proceed without them clouding the important issues. You need to get the court to cut through the guff and hone in on the real issues at hand. Which is contact progression; nature and duration.

Hope this helps.,

Simon.

Try not to get too sucked in to defense, it's for her to prove why contact should not progress. Your priority is getting an unsupervised order. I also think your current position is unrealistic but it's a good stand point for negotiations. I agree with Simon7580.

From conversation with cafcass, i think the norm e.g. 2hrs supervised, 2hrs supported, then 2/4hrs unsupervised progressing to 6, 8 and evening etc.

I would write an overview plan up to overnights so you can save coming back to court endlessly with a clause permitting an application should things go wrong. There is normally a review hearing before a final hearing so don't bug yourself with the fine details

Try not to get too sucked in to defense, it's for her to prove why contact should not progress. Your priority is getting an unsupervised order. I also think your current position is unrealistic but it's a good stand point for negotiations. I agree with Simon7580.

From conversation with cafcass, i think the norm e.g. 2hrs supervised, 2hrs supported, then 2/4hrs unsupervised progressing to 6, 8 and evening etc.

I would write an overview plan up to overnights so you can save coming back to court endlessly with a clause permitting an application should things go wrong. There is normally a review hearing before a final hearing so don't bug yourself with the fine details

Hey, thanks

Can you tell me a bit about your circumstances in your case?

Was your ex willing for you to see your child or did you have to fight it? Also, what was the reasoning for your contact to progress from 4 to 6 to 8hrs? Did your working hours have any bearing on it?

Each case is different so it would be interesting to know if youre happy to share

PM me

PM me

hey, i'll do that. thanks.