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Hi,
I have a very difficult and strained relationship with my ex....
I have a two children with her and the eldest has just started year 6 and it's come to that time of year when parents select the secondary schools for next academic year.
The school closest to they went into special measures last term while the school I live near is ranked the 12th best in the county. I sadi that we needed to talk about school choices in June, in July she suggested mediation (a bit of a surprise as when I first suggested mediation several years ago to sort out our communication issues she told me to stop threatening her and I was visited by the police accused of harassment and abuse - no charges were made. She has always refused mediation since). She has not attended the first mediation session (which was due to happen last month) and not confirmed that she will attend. I would say that she is currently on radio silence and has not replied to me since the beginning of September, she does this quite a lot by putting the phone into airplane mode. While I would wish for my children to attend the better school, I know that this is unrealistic (there is ~1.5hours drive between the schools and I do not have a case for residency, though social services are currenlty keeping a close eye on her). But I think that I have a way forward that is agreeable to us both, but she is refusing to engage.
What are my rights in this case? The selection period opens today and there does not seem to be anything stopping her submitting her secondary school choices without consulting me. Can I object if she does this?
There is a child arrangement order in place - but really don't want to have to go back through the courts to resolve this....
Thanks
Unfortunately, in reality having PR means she should consult you over schooling, but the choice is down to the parent with care - if there is a dispute, then one of the parents' choices has to hold sway, and that's usually the PWC. She should definitely be talking to you about this, but I'm not sure that going back to court would really achieve a great deal.
Considering the distance between you, I don't think the school in your location can be factored in. You could do some research about school in her area and try and find a better school, but again, places are offered with consideration given to the catchment area, applying to any school outside of the child's catchment area is difficult, better schools have more applications.
I’m not after adding the school local to me to the list of preferred schools; it’s only possible if I had residency and I’m in no position to go for residency (all the evidence I have about her bad parenting and mental health issues is circumstantial).
My query is more about what I could do to ensure my voice is heard when choosing schools?
Sorry, as you mentioned the school near to you, I assumed you wanted it to be a consideration.
Unfortunately there’s not a lot you can do, aside from letting her know your feelings about the school choice.
In our area the school is more or less decided by catchment area, they ask for three choices but if a school out of a catchment area is the preferred school and they are oversubscribed, it’s quite difficult to get a place.
I would suggest you do your own research on schools local to your child and make suggestions of your peferences, it if you’re unhappy the only option open to you would be court for a Specific Issue Order.
Try and get mediation going, it’s probably your best bet to reach a decision, outside of asking the court to decide.
Best of luck
Thanks, fingers crossed she attends mediation
Keep us posted, if she fails to attend, the mediator will sign off the form. If court is the next step, I would make the application urgent as you're time limited. Perhaps you could write to your ex's local education authority, to tell them that as separated parents, you are currently mediating about choice of school for your child, who you have PR for, but if that fails you would be looking to make a court application concerning the issue.
All the best
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