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Big weekend just gone, on Friday my remortgage completed so my ex received the pay off to transfer the deed and shift ownership of the family home into my sole name. I also paid her the remainder of the sum agreed for her "fresh start" with her ex boyfriend. She received the mortgage money direct via solicitors so there is no comeback from that, she has, however, failed to send requested e-mail acknowledgement of receipt of the other money which is a concern as this was agreed through a (signed and witnessed) separation agreement. I recognise this has no legal status with regard to finance so need to chase up receipt. Also angry that she has chased up the money repeatedly then didn't keep to her side of the deal.
I think my position is strengthened as she now has no claim on the home and part of the agreement was that I would not pursue maintenance payments for the two boys, should she become difficult I would pursue them, through CSA if necessary.
I am still reeling emotionally from the speed and brutality of the split and am grieving hard over the loss of the relationship and family unit, I see the effect on the boys every day (8 year old told me he doesn't like that they are always kissing in front of him on Sunday).
I still veer between feeling strong and in control and desperately sad (depressed). Sometimes having the boys, house, family support etc feels like I've come out of it too well, allowing her to perpetuate the myth that she's the victim in all this, others I feel like the mug who is left looking after her kids while she goes off to find herself?
She has a new job now so I will expect her to keep to agreed contact times (this has been a major bone of contention since the split). I'm not sure of the process if she fails to? Is it back to mediation then or does she have to apply for a contact order. I am not adverse to going down the legal route as I fear she will want something (someone) back when the greener grass starts to go brown.
Feels unfair that she has "cashed out" and now has no responsibilities, £50 a week rent and 1000s in the bank! And she used to be so moral and outspoken about stuff like this!!
Hi there
It's going to take time, I think you're doing really well and you should be proud of yourself for working so hard to keep the family unit together, in the family home....there are many that for whatever reason aren't able to do that.
Your children have had to deal with much upheaval but at least you are their constant and they have the security of being at home and the continuity that that provides.
As far as contact is concerned , if she starts messing the kids about then you are within your rights to stop access, without an order and being the primary carer you hold all the cards here. It would be her that would have to initiate mediation and make any application for contact. With the age of your children their wishes and feelings will carry weight.
The final decision is yours, but my opinion is that, after a decent period, if she is working, then you should claim through the CMS - if you can afford to look after them without that money, then put it all into a savings account for them when they are older, and that will counter any argument she has about not sticking to the agreement.
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