[Solved] One day soon i hope, shes gona know how it feels !

There is always the feeling within us to have someone who has wronged us have a taste of their own medicine - to experience how they have made us feel, and understand the pain and suffering they have caused us. It's part of being human, but perhaps not one of our better qualities.

I know how most dad's feel who have been denied contact with their kids, or a right a proper relationship with them - because I have experienced it myself. I can tell you that I have hit the depths of despair, and although it's a bad place to be in I would never wish it on anyone else, because there is no place in my heart for vengeance.

As much as m ex has wronged me, caused me pain and suffering, mental anguish and torment, and also denied our son a proper relationship with his dad, I don't have any ill feeling toward her or desire to get my own back. My duty as a father is to minimise conflict, so our son never experiences being in the middle of such a situation. He deserves to grow up knowing he has 2 parents that love him, and not to have to feel as though he has to choose between them for fear of chastisement or disapproval.

Kenny, turn the other cheek. If your ex wishes to be bitter and cruel, let her do so. Enjoy your relationship with your lovely daughters and enjoy the love that they bring to you, and the love you give to them as their father. You will be eternally rewarded for that. Your ex has used your children as a weapon to hurt you. Don't be the person that exploits them to get one over on your ex - you are a better man than that. We are all better men that that.

What I'm saying is that as much as our ex's have hurt us, let us not behave in the manner in which they have mistreated us, for that makes us as bad as them, and I know for certain that is what we are not.

Rise above the negative influences in our lives for the good of our children.

Simon.

I wouldn't worry about trying to get back at your ex it's just a waste of energy and will only eat you up inside, it's far better trying to forgive your ex and work towards an amicable relationship with her for the sake of your child/children as the longer the hostilities carry on the worse it will be for the kids.

Even if it means swallowing a bit of pride just try and built a relationship with her and I promise you will feel better in the long run sometimes in life you just have to forgive and forget as you will probs never make her feel like you did no matter what you do some of these women are heartless and lost all compassion, be the bigger person and let it ride 🙂

Slim 🙂

Just got mine and she is pi**ed big time hahahahaha!

I so admire you guys and what has been said about forgiveness. I unfortunately cannot forgive my son's ex for what she has done.

I've had to stop my sister from going round and beating ten barrels of [censored] out of my ex it's just as hard on the family never mind the dad

I understand why people don’t want to forgive their ex’s, or their family members ex’s for the wrongs they have perpetrated. Because of course for a mother that sees her son devastated by losing contact with his child, it is a double whammy for them – seeing your own child suffer while coming to terms with the loss of contact with a grandchild. Of course it’s hard to forgive in this situation.

But I always have thought to myself, there is no purpose in harbouring a grudge and making it known to the ex partner that a grudge exists. For me, I can find a place in my heart to forgive my ex, not just because that is in the best interests of my son and because fostering an atmosphere of hatred around my son is destructive, but because in myself it is also wasteful and destructive. I do not want to live my life with hatred inside me, nor do I want my son to see me as a hateful person, or grow up surrounded by destructive emotions.

Forgive or forget, whichever it is or isn’t, I really think it’s important for the negative feelings that arise from these situations to be kept away from the child. They don’t deserve the burden of it all.

Simon.

I have no contact with my ex what so ever Kenny I've changed my number 6 times this year as I was sick of the abuse, I was getting constant calls calling me a drug addict a child abused a DV abuser she was saying just kill yourself do us all a favour and make sure you slit your wrists up the vain so it's quick, she'd end the call by saying leave me alone leave me alone stop harassing me I had enough and cut her out my life completely I couldn't live like that.

I only see her on court days and she is absolutely vile, shouting and screaming in the waiting area she seems to get worse and worse and now everything is going my way and a order has been granted she really has lost the plot she seems to dig her heels in even more, I don't hate her even though she barred me from all the scans, the birth she stopped me from seeing my daughter for 5 weeks after she was born my Girl is 10 months old not seen her for 8 and ive only seen her for 5 weeks out her life I just feel sorry for her she's an alcoholic who has isolated her self and her daughters from all her family friends everyone it's soul destroying I've let all the authorites know and they go round planned with a time and date so everything is fine and dandy when they attend and the police ss ect make me out to be a spurned ex.

I couldn't live with the hate like she does it takes up too much energy I'm channeling it into fighting for my Girl instead I couldnt even get her back she has lost all sense of compassion it's a no win situation every time i see her i'm nice polite and happy like I said I just feel sorry for her it will take years for her to come around but that wont happen until she gets help with the drinking.

Slim

Slim,

Your description of your ex really depicts a woman who is consumed by hatred, who wants to inflict pain and torment on others, especially you. She is practically jekyll and hyde in nature, what with the way she spews forth vitriol towards you at any opportunity, yet to anyone else she portrays herself as nice as pie. She is a classic case of someone with a severe personality disorder. I'm amazed that nobody in authority has even picked up on a shred of her abnormal behaviour. It's quite worrying really.

Yet whilst nobody can condone your ex's behaviour, or the behaviour of other ex's like her, I can't help but pity these women. They are so desperate for control and to exact revenge on their ex partners, and have no problem at all in using the kids as weapons, that you can't help but look at them with some form of pity. They will go through life with the same cycle of destructive behaviour in every relationship they find themselves in. Not once do they look in the mirror and say to themselves its about time to change, because what they are doing is wrong. This is because they don't feel any guilt or remorse for what they are doing. They believe in their model of the world, what they are doing is acceptable. It's horrific when you really think about it.

What amazes me is during the court process, cafcass and the judges themselves do not have the ability to recognise the women that suffer these problems. These women are mentally unstable, and truly do need help restore normality to their mind and their lives. Cafcass all too readily buy into the women are victims ethos, yet they never look far enough into things to recognise there are serious mental issues at play, and some of these women are vindictive, manipulative, calculating individuals. It's pretty bad when there is an agenda to hurt the father, exacerbated by a mental imbalance, that is backed up by a degree of intelligence. It ends up being a systematic attempt to deny the father contact with the children.

I just wished that in a lot of family cases, especially after seeing these things time after time, the FJS isn't able to recognise when mothers need help. More so, I wish the FJS had the cajones to actually make a stand and get these people the help they need.

In your case Slim, it doesn't seem that your ex is going to change her ways anytime soon. You really have a job on your hands in managing the situation so it limits the effect on your daughter. I suppose we live in hope that our ex's snap out of the mindset they find themselves trapped in.

Simon.

That's absolutely spot on Simon that's exactly what's she's like I'm sure she's bi-polar and self medicates with a bottle of vodka a day, I've really got my work cut out thats for sure but I'm sure the courts are getting wise to her.

Simon you have described my ex down to a tee, just wish the courts could see what you have described. To a stranger she is a sweet innocent girl who is a victim of DV, but the truth is everything you have described. I had an abusive phone call from her last week so hopefully that will start the process of the courts and professionals of seeing her for what she really is.

Oh Simon....your analysis is so spot on !
As you know, my sons ex falls right into the category of " personality disorder " and I have yet to meet
the person who thinks her behaviour is normal.
And yet....whilst everyone asks us if she " is all there" or " she has lost the plot" the "system"as such doesn't
(want to) see it....despite the fact it's blatantly obvious.
All we can do is to chip away, bit by bit in the hope that one day my son is going to have a normal
father-child relationship.
In the meantime we carry on being on this emotional and sometimes traumatising roller coaster ....hoping that some day justice will prevail.
I have come to realise some time ago that her behaviour will never change.
All I can do is pray the serenity prayer.

Take care
Kirsten