[Solved] Not sticking to weekend arrangements NEED HELP

Hi just wanted to clarify the agreement you made with your ex, was it a court order or just a simple agreement between both of you?

I know exactly how you feel, my ex is doing exactly the same thing. Wants full control, which is why I am asking for 50/50 shared care and I will be re-locating to her town to make this possible.

Hi just wanted to clarify the agreement you made with your ex, was it a court order or just a simple agreement between both of you?

I know exactly how you feel, my ex is doing exactly the same thing. Wants full control, which is why I am asking for 50/50 shared care and I will be re-locating to her town to make this possible.

Hi Graig,

the form is named "statement of arrangements for children"

It went through the courts as part of the divorce and was approved, I was a fool as I was in a rush to divorce her i signed it and was done with it, hindsight is a great thing.

See below the exact wording on the form

4. what are the contact arrangements between the child and the non-resident parent?

(Childs Name) stays with his father (my name) every Wednesday night and every other weekend

Its awful mate, very selfish also its difficult when they are young too, she has moved to a rough area just to be nearer her mum he had so much going for him here such a shame.

I was looking at moving but I guess you cant follow her around forever, what if she moves again is what I think.

Someone else on here may know more about that, but it seems to me that it is not a court order therefore you my want to get one.

But to get one you must first attend mediation. If she doesn't attend they will give you a form which you can use in court as proof you tried mediation.

The initial mediation appointment should not cost a lot £50 max I would say. If you are on low income or benefits then you may qualify for free. There are many mediation services so call around to get more information.

My advise would be to outline exactly what it is you want, but be child focused and make sure it has your child's best interest. Use this in mediation and if nothing comes out of it, use it in court. If your partner is being unreasonable the court will pick up on this.

Also I noticed you said sometimes you cancel/change the arrangements yourself. My advice would be to never do that and try your hardest to stick to any arrangements like glue. Even if you have to arrange your own childcare through family and friends, just make sure you don't leave your child with your ex on the times you are suppose to have them

Great Advice,

Thank you

ref the below, I always have him on my arranged weekends, they are fortnightly sometimes she will want to swap and I don't have a problem with that if It is possible for me to do so. And it works if I have an event for example to go to I will swap. The problem being there is only one answer with her and that is yes, if I don't agree it makes no odds she will keep him anyway.

Also I noticed you said sometimes you cancel/change the arrangements yourself. My advice would be to never do that and try your hardest to stick to any arrangements like glue. Even if you have to arrange your own childcare through family and friends, just make sure you don't leave your child with your ex on the times you are suppose to have them

I will follow up on your advice thanks so much

Good luck mate, let us know how it goes

Also if you haven't already done so I will start storing any evidence such as text messages between you and your ex, pictures, anything that indicates you have had your child and providing for them financially etc, may be handy should you go to court.

Thats exactly how my ex is as well, "it's her way or no way"

That is completely out of order and very unfair on the child. In an ideal world you would like to be able to work together and shift things around if need be, but with woman like ours I think court orders is the only way forward. We have our time, they have their time, end of. No using the child as a weapon and stop contact as and when they please.

I've gone to the extreme of doing a level 3 childcare course to show courts I am a devoted father and learning parenting to the highest degree, i am even volunteering in my local nursery. Of course this can only happen if you have time on your hands and financially stable , which i am very lucky to have. My plans are to open a nursery in the name of my daughter by 2016, by then I should be fully qualified.

I am also assuming that since you were married you are on the birth certificate and your child bares your name? Also in terms of her moving around, if you do go to court you can ask for an order preventing her from relocating on the basis that she has threatened to keep child away from you and it's not in the child's best interest to be moved around constantly.

It is important to understand that in divorce law in England the courts do NOT routinely make orders about children. When a divorce petition is filed with a court then the petitioner, if there are children of the marriage, also has to file what is called a 'Statement of Arrangements for Children' at the same time. This form may or may not also be signed by the respondent. The form is eight pages long and it gives the court basic information about any children of the marriage such as their names, dates of birth, where they go to school, with whom they live, who looks after them when the parents are at work etc.

The purpose of this form is to give the court basic information about the children. The form is not any sort of contract between mother and father. It does not bind them to its contents in the future and it never becomes any sort of court order that is enforceable. The form is for information purposes only. We stress this because many people seem to believe that upon divorce the courts automatically make decisions about issues such as the custody of children in divorce. They do not. The vast majority of divorces do not result in any court order in respect of the children of the marriage.

There are often difficulties about chiildren when a marriage is breaking down. One parent will not let the other see the children or one parent wants to take the children on holiday but the other will not permit it etc. This is common. However, what happens in almost all cases is that when the divorce has gone through, decree absolute has been obtained and financial issues have been settled once for all, mother and father come to their own arrangements about where the children will live, what contact they have with the other parent etc. The court does not intervene. The divorcing couple do this themselves. The vast majority of divorcing couples sort out the future child care arrangements between themselves. This may not happen immediately. Sometimes it takes time but it is what happens in far the greater number of cases.

In general the courts only intervene to decide any issue relating to a child if someone specifically makes an application to the court to do so. This incurs paying a separate court fee for the children's proceedings and that application commences proceedings which are wholly separate from the divorce. They should only ever be regarded as a last resort. There are many reasons why court proceedings about children are unsatisfactory and leave one or both parents feeling very hard done by. They are not routine in divorce proceedings. It is important to understand this.

Hi there

I took the above from information I found online, so it appears that what you have isn't a legally binding document.

Craig has given you the right advice and mediation is the first step before court action can be pursued. As there is distance between you it's normal to attend at a mediation service provider nearest to the resident parent. Here's a link

www.nfm.org.uk

You would attend and then the mediator would write to the mother and ask her to attend. If she refuses or agreement can't be reached then the mediator would sign of the necessary application form (C100) that enables court action to be initiated. Court should always be the last resort as it puts so much strain on the relationship between separated parents.

Another option might be to have a solicitors letter sent to her to ask her to stick to the statement of child arrangements, pointing out that you also make plans for your time with your child, which should be respected. The letter could outline the course of action that you will be prepared to take to get contact defined, which includes mediation and application to the family court as a last resort. Actions that you would not. Hesitate to take if firm agreements can't be reached.

Good luck