Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Ok, so I left my ex of 14 years last november, we have 3 children together (5,10 and 12), Ive not seen them since I left despite many attempts to do so. My ex has always repeatedly told me the kids hate me and dont want to see me (which i believe as I know they be hurting and upset with me) My 2 oldest have sopped messaging me, and my middle child even messaged me to stop messaging him.
Ive tried so hard to plea with my ex to let me see them to speak to them, but she wont do that, saying they hate me and she doesnt want to upset them, and letting me know, i did this to myself etc etc.
Im currently speaking to a councilor once a week which is helping me deal with my emotions, but its still really hard not being able to see or speak to my children.
I think enough time has gone past where I have done everything my ex is asking of me and I think I need to get some legal advice or backing or at least set the ball rolling.
I'm looking at advice here as to where I go and what to do from here? Do I have rights even if my kids "don't want to see me"?? Is my ex stopping me from seeing the kids, or just granting their wishes, its just hard and confusing at the minute for me.
Any advice where I stand legally would be great, and if there are any family law firms that offer free advice etc I would be grateful for any links
Best thing to do is arrange mediation. If she fails to attend then you can submit a c100 to try and get contact with your kids . It cost £215 to apply and if you arent working you can get legal aid so it dont cost anything. A solicitor may offer 30 mins free advice , but generally a lot charge a one off fee for a consultation. I wouldnt bother unless the advice is free to be honest
im looking into mediation, ive just sent my ex an email (shes blocked me on everything) pleading with her to open up communication with me so we can discuss this together rather than her just get letters from solicitors etc.
Can I just arrange mediation without her consent? Not sure how that process works entirely
@li4m79 When you approach a mediation service they will attempt to contact her to arrange the mediation.
If she refuses then the medication service will provide you with a sheet of paper which you add to the c100.
Good luck
hi,
you need to book a MIAM mediation appointment. can get a video call for £100. and they can decide whether or not to invite your ex for mediation.
What we're the reasons you left?
It can be difficult for the kids when a parent leaves, it's hard for them to understand and accept.. At this point they are also very vulnerable so not only will they lash out but also say things that they don't mean or have been influenced to say.
5 months or so is not long enough for them to get heads round things.
Do you have any family or friends who could reach out to ex or her family in a good way to mediate?
Otherwise the advice given by the others would be best. Keep in mind that your eldest 2 will have their voices heard and so if they do not want to see you, in the first instance the courts (via CAFCASS) will try to understand why and go from there.
Look after your physical and mental well being, seeing the Councillor is great, just ensure that the purpose is as you say (dealing with emotions and feelings of not seeing the kids) and not anger management or psychiatry etc as the courts can request access.
It seems like you are doing the right things and taking the right approach.
All the best.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.