[Solved] Not getting mediation result written up and other stuff

Part of me wants to message her and say something like' come on you cant not see the boys for 2 weeks, they will miss you and its not fair on them' but another part of me (the selfish part) says to say nothing. If she did something about it then she would probably have them with her instead of with me and I would get to spend less time with them and also they will start to work out things themselves, like mummy doesnt see them for 2 weeks because of the long drive etc but daddy does do the long drive to see them every week!

So should I say something?

Say absolutely nothing.

You do not control how she parents them when they are with her.

Plus if you go to court if she self-represents and is completely unaware she may let things like this slip.

Things have moved on a lot.

During the week my boys are either with me, exs mum or exs neice. 2 sundays ago my job got cancelled (im self-employed) so I asked if I could have my kids on monday, ex said no but I said im having them anyway. I know it was probably wrong with such short notice, she was really unhappy with me but agreed that if i give her 2 days notice then I can have them if they are not with her. On the tuesday I asked for them on the thursday and she agreed, On the thursday I asked for yesterday (tuesday), she said no as with neice, I said but I have given you 2 days notice and left it at that. On monday, tuesday came up and I told her I have given her 2 days notice so they are going to be with me (I had them on the monday).

She got the right hump, said she was going to come get them and I told her no, She said she would call the police, I said call them. She then said that I wasnt having them on the tuesday and if I did then I wouldnt like what she would do, she then said if I have them tuesday she would stop me seeing the boys.

Thats it for me. I cant live under those sorts of threats, if she doesnt get her way she will do it again and what if she follows through and stops me seeing the boys for a day or worse more.

So i phoned the mediator that day (monday) and told her mediation hasnt work and can I have the paperwork to say it hasnt work. She suggested that she could call the ex and I say ok. I then emailed the mediator and the ex saying mediation is off unless the ex agreed to the mediation results written up and a consent order obtain with each party paying half. If she doesnt agree t this then I will deem mediation to have failed, i gave her until this friday to decide.

Monday night i get a call from the ex, she wasnt happy and went into loads of stuff from its my fault it didnt work to downright abuse. She denied saying i couldnt have the kids and said the call was on speaker phone and recorded so she could prove it. I said I know you said it so send me a copy of the phone call and I will tell her the minute and second she said it- she, off course refused and said she didnt have to.

Tuesday morning the mediator calls me to tell me the ex has agreed to mediation being written up but not a consent order (funny how after 5 weeks of thinking about it she has no decided to get it written up after i had said mediation has failed). I then email all back saying that this isnt acceptable and its with a consent order or I will take it further as I cant live with the uncertainty that she will stop me seeing my kids.

That after a coupe of hours I get another email from the ex requesting an extension until the end of the month, outling the issues above regarding who my kids are with etc. She also requested from the mediator the costs of a consent order.

I emailed back saying that I will give her until a week tomorrow (thursday) to make her mind up. I have also asked the mediator to send me the relavent paperwork so I am ready to go Friday. I also said I am not prepared to discuss things further via email or more mediation appointments.

I was fuming she would even suggest that she would stop me seeing the kids just because she cant get her own way, I have calmed down a lot but I am still not happy. My attitude is that I want it legal when I see my kids, I cant live wondering if this will be the week she will say it again or stop me seeing my boys.

Its like she thinks the kids are hers, she makes all the decisions and I am just this bloke who has the kids sometimes (which will enable her to have a social life) and someone who pays her money.

The thing is things were going ok up to now and I know I risk seeing the kids less if this ends up in court and the court orders so. I also know she will make up all kids of stuff about me, I just cant live with the risk she will try to stop me seeing them altogether.

I hope I have made the right decision or should I have let it slide and carried on as before?

It will drag on like this for years . Get an order in place

hi,

sounds like a lousy mediator. mine was 20 min video call. got sign off for court application. job done. citydad is right. you will just get more headaches if this doesnt go to court.