[Solved] Not able to see my Daughter

locky i did the SPIP separated parents course. did 4 hour session one evening after work. its basic stuff. organisers expect you to actively take part. we did things like brainstorming sessions with other people in the class. watching 1 or 2 videos. if court order you to do it, then you dont have to pay for it.

its better just to focus on completing the course. when i was there, heard lot of other parents just ranting about their situation and bad-mouthing their ex lol. pointless. the organisers tell court if you have attended or not. also have a feeling they report your behaviour too.

Thanks for info I'm not a person to bad mouth just struggle with large groups due to mental health but I'm sure they will take that into consideration if I'm having to complete and court date fixed 12th June happy about this just so anxious about court, all be worth it to see my daughter been buying some bits and bobs for her as my ex took all my stuff so left me with nothing but not to worry I have lots of love to give and make up for thanks

Hopefully your family can go with you and the PSU in court can supply a support worker to sit in court with you for moral support.

All the best

Just an update went to court and got access 2 hours a week to see my little girl, not a lot but it's a start, and I have to do the Parent separated course, now have to wait 13 weeks till back at court and they have to do a section 7 ( anybody got a little feedback on this please)

I have a solicter aswell now due to legal aid, due to the emotional abuse my ex and family did to me, also have to have an hair drug test as my ex says I'm a weed dealer and that I smoke, I gave up weed 2 months ago as I knew my ex would bring this into court I've explained to my solicter but the bit about been a dealer is totally not true, my ex use to have the odd spliff but I have not brought anything like that up I just said she was a good mum, as I know it's about the needs of my daughters that I want address.

My ex also tried controlling who I could see my daughter with due to my ADHD and my ex saying I don't take medication (I do) which the clinic can confirm, she wanted her sister to support visit I disagreed and wanted my mum I was lucky the judge sided with me and my mum supporting me but to be honest I don't need support but everyone puts there own take on ADHD and mental health.

If any body can give me any pointers of section 7 and next steps and if they have been through similar I would be grateful for input.

Regards

That’s good news, your case is moving in the right direction, re starting contact is a good sign. It must be a relief to have a solicitor working for you too.

The best advice is to be yourself, be honest, and keep everything child focused.

All the best

Hi Locky,

I am very happy for you 🙂 2 hours is better than nothing and you will build on that.

13 weeks is annoying. at my hearing cafcass said S7 report process would take around 6- 9 weeks. but i suppose because of all the other drama around your case, hair strand test etc, it has become more drawn out.

for section 7, for some people the cafcass officer visit their home. for me they just invited me to their office. lasted over an hour. they will ask you to respond to some of the allegations of your ex. just be honest and admit to any wrongdoing, and deny any silly lies. try your best to remain calm and do not rant or vent about your ex.do not make her sound like a bad mother. you should be asked what kind of contact you would like with your child. be as specific as possible e.g you want every other weekend, (can ask for every weekend but would be a miracle if you get that) half of school holidays, mid week contact, bank holidays. shared xmas day etc. would be a good idea to write out a list and hand it over. dont forget holidays abroad too 🙂

i would also highly recommend you go to cafcass site, and print & complete the parenting plan:

https://www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups/parents-and-carers/divorce-and-separation/parenting-plan/

i did it and took a copy with me to the interview. i mentioned it and she asked to see it. she was very impressed and surprised that i brought it along, and said other parents never do it. she kept it. it will show that your a very committed and child-focused dad. I wish you all the best. let us know how you get on.

Thank you for your feedback and I got a solicter due to the emotional and financial abuse from ex and her family, my GP kindly supported me and gave me a letter for solicters also I am in contact with a domestic abuse project which as been so helpful for me.

Regards 🙂

Thanks Bill

I've ordered the book via post the feedback you have given me as been so helpful so a big shout out to you, I'm very focused and I'm a very honest person and like I said to CAFCAS my daughter mum a good mum, I'm not about make drama, my ex is [censored] bent on making me look so bad which hurts, but as I believe the truth always comes out in the end.

Just glad I had a solicter as I'm not sure I would have managed at court a lot to take on to be honest.

I'm more aware now a of what your explaining about section 7 which helps, and hopefully will go ok now I have the parenting book (when it arrives)?to complete.

Is the section a long process I know you said about one hour, is the questions based around past present and future and my daughters needs and responsibilities, I've took onboard that they will be asking about what my ex is excusing me arguments / weed smoker / weed dealer / speeding in car / emotional abuse etc... That why I'm having a hair strand test and I only past my test 9 months ago and CAFCAS have already put on initial form for court that I have no speeding / cautions for car ( which is true), and I stopped smoking weed as soon as me and my ex split up which my solicter is aware of, I'm not a dealer ( must be the poorest dealer around) as I have nothing and live on a low income.

My ex FB is full of pics of my daughter we are not connected on FB, some of my friends are her friends, which is not an issue, they just comment what pics they see (which does hurt when she stops me from seeing my queen, did ask my solicter is she could refrain from posting pics ( especially ones in the bath) but solicter said that FB you can post what you want (Scary really)

Will keep you updated and once again thank you for your help 🙂

Hi Locky,

in interview you may be asked how the break-up happened. then will mention the allegations your ex made, are they true? admit if its true. deny false allegations.

the interview might last 1-2 hours. most important part is when they ask you what contact you would like with your child.

one thing my cafcass officer did, was a day before she finished the report, she emailed me some doc called parenting styles. she asked me to answer all the questions in it. and she used the info to write the report. maybe you can ask about that. i still have that somewhere. PM me and i can send to you if you want.

if you dont have a criminal record, things should go easy for you. just say you used to smoke weed, and now you stopped, for the sake of your child. say that weed dealer stuff is load of nonsense.

as for FB stuff, I would just advise you to ignore it. block your ex, so you don't see the nonsense.

Thanks Bill

Will email you privately and I don't have CR so that good to be honest I'm a good Lad, had my 1st visit with my daughter yesterday all went well so really happy spoke to my baby mum and she said she going to ask the court to give me one night and one day next time I just said ok, as that not what I'm wanting I want alternative weekends and one day in week just not sure what the courts will decide when the reports are completed, appreciate your feedback as it reassuring thanks 🙂

Hi Locky,

yep I agree with you. what ex offered about 1 night and 1 day, thats good, but only for temporary and its not good enough as long term arrangment. you need full weekends with your child to take them on days out etc. i will just post that cafcass parenting style questionnaire here shortly...

this is the questionnaire the cafcass officer sent me. and she used my answers to help her write her section 7 report about me.

Tool for parenting knowledge and style

1. Why do babies cry?

2. How would you respond to the different types of crying?

3. What physical needs does a child have as s/he is growing up?

4. What emotional needs does a child have as s/he is growing up?

5. What educational needs does a child have as s/he is growing up?

6. How do you think children learn?

7. What kind of things do you think are naughty?

8. What things can a parent do when a child is naughty?

9. Would you ever smack your child? If so, what for?

10. Do you think children like to be cuddled? If so, when would you cuddle them?

11. Do you think that children should know that parents are ‘in charge’?

12. If so, how would you let your children know you were in charge?

12. Should parents encourage imaginary play with small children, for example, having a tea party?

13. Should parents join in?

14. At what age do you think children would want to stop playing at having tea parties or imaginary play?

15. How often do you think parents should play with children?

16. How long do you think a child of 12 months will concentrate on one game/thing/activity?

17. Why do you think they can concentrate for that long?

18. At what age do you think children should be allowed to go to the shop alone?

19. When should children be allowed to have boyfriends/girlfriends?

20. When should children be allowed to stay up until 10.00pm?

21. At what age should children be allowed to stay in the house alone?

22. At what age should children be allowed in the kitchen unsupervised?

23. At what age should children be allowed a say in important family decisions – for example, whether a new partner should be allowed to move into the house?

24. How old should children be before they are allowed pocket money?

25. How old should a child be before they are told about contraception, masturbation, safe [censored]?

26. Is there an age when you think children should be allowed to watch pornographic films?

(Fowler, adapted)