[Solved] Non Molestation Order...Help Please

Why take an undertaking if you've not done anything wrong?

i can answer why you would be guided to as i was but i wish i'd have fought it as it kept getting dragged up by the ex in hearings we've had since then. -
The ex-parte Non-mol was discharged by the judge and i took an undertaking to not go near her etc...
i had no interest in ever going anywhere near the evil (insert an appropriate expletive) again....i was all too aware of how low she would sink and i would never put myself in harms way ever again so taking the undertaking to the court seemed fairly reasonable suggestion.
however...as i said, she has used the fact she tried to get a Non-mol to decieve the courts and the police on a couple of occassions, each it's taken me to have to provide evidence to show her a liar and her attempt to deceive to fight the allegation. each time jsut adding months before contact is ordered to be re-instated.

fight it is what i'd say to myself if it happened to me today!

Hello UncertainLongTerm,

I must say from the outset I am not very familiar with Non Molestation Orders.

If a father has not done anything wrong, I have difficulty in understanding why many accept an Undertaking. In so doing the person is accepting they need restrictions placed on them when they are innocent.

I also question in accepting this type of Order how it impacts on the practicalities of seeing the child/ren, e.g. if a parent is ordered to stay away from the other, who acts at handovers in their place?
I would also anticipate the court process would be increased due to the fact it would make the process more protracted as you would possibly be under more scrutiny.
In accepting a NMO as previously mentioned it provides ammunition for the opposing party to use against you and in effect you are helping her to the detriment of yourself.

Of course you want to see your child as soon as possible but giving in to unreasonable demands to do so will, in my opinion, only have further unreasonable demands made on you when you could stand firm in the belief there are no safeguarding and / or welfare issues concerning yourself and take the matter to court to gain contact in the knowledge you have a "clean slate." consequently the process would not be as complex.

Many thanks to dad-i-d and MotherofaFather for your replies.

I was already half way through changing my mind about signing Undertaking and your replies have made up my mind that i am going to defend myself and see how things move forward in court on thursday.

I have a statement ready in my defence with proofs.

My understanding is that on hearing judge will have three options regarding NMO after reading my statement...

1. Keep the NMO as it is and i don't contact her for one year.
2., Make changes in the current NMO
3. Make me sign undertaking

Am I right in thinking that the worse thing that can happen on that day is that NMO is granted against me?
Is it really a possibility that judge decides in my favor and NMO is removed because i keep thinking that in court a mother will probably be favoured.

Thanks again.

Hi Uncertain long-term, I hope you're well. The brutal truth is that the court is in the favour of the child...allegations of violence is taken very seriously for the child bet benefit. In the interim a lot of father's text, say or do out of character things in the whom which solidifies or gives reasonable doubt that there is verbal or physical violence.

I would stay calm, the non molestation order isn't the be all or end all if your main aim is to see your child regularly, consistently and on a fair basis. I would try your best to act as reasonable as you can and within your statement write that you aren't violent, never had police called out if this is the case. Also ask for the judge to discharge the non molestation order which was made in your absence, as now that you have a chance to explain the situation.

Regardless of if there is a NMO or not, your aim is to see your child grow into a respectable and loved person.

It's a real shame that after mediation with your in laws it still wasn't as it seems, you may feel you have been betrayed and these negative feelings will subside soon. Just don't do anything untoward anyone, maintain your mind and you will see your daughter very soon. The judge made the NMO in your absence based on the info provided by your child's mother, in favour of your child.. depending on the allegations, the granting of a there and then NMO needs to have a threat of violence. Don't contact her and now that the matter is going to court, the judge may want a full hearing...I would self represent and save the money you would spend on the solicitor to get some toys and gifts for your little one

Many thanks for your encouraging words Yasser.

I've kept in touch with my sanity and haven't tried contacting her after the NMO was issued.

I will explain everything to judge and see how things turn out.

Thanks again

The brutal truth is that the court is in the favour of the child...allegations of violence is taken very seriously for the child bet benefit.

This is true, but at the same time, domestic violence allegations from men against women are not taken nearly as seriously. Still, reality is what it is, and complaining doesn't help the cause.

When I had my non-mol hearing, I refused to give an undertaking. My barrister suggested that we agree by recital that neither me nor the ex would go within a short distance of each other's house and that was that. Recitals don't carry the same legal status as an undertaking would.

This also really simplified things when CAFCASS got involved. The ex told them I had given an undertaking. When they saw the order, she lost a lot of credibility and CAFCASS basically agreed with everything I asked for and are now out of the picture.

UncertainLongTerm, one thing I need to point out, is that you can win in court a million times and still loose your daughter. The system is just biased, and as much as I dislike it, I have to accept reality for what it is. I strongly agree that giving an undertaking will make things a lot harder for you, and at the same time, avoid the temptation of hitting back. It will hurt your relationship with your daughter even more. Someone has to be the adult in the room, and trust me that I know exactly how you feel.

Many thanks superprouddad for your comments.

I wasn't aware of recitals as an option. Tomorrow is the big day for me and hopefully it would go as expected.

Just to give an update on the court proceedings on my first hearing for non-molestation order...

Hearing was only for 15 minutes. I represented myself. Judge tried to persuade me to sign Undertaking and when I resisted she commented that I was taking a step back in repairing the relationship and possibly delaying the process to see my daughter.

I still resisted and didn't sign undertaking.

There are going to be two further hearings now and CAFCASS will be involved too. The first of the two hearings is one & a half months from now which seems quite far.

I went prepared to answer all allegations put forward by my wife but judge didn't ask me any questions. I guess thats going to happen in next hearing...

Just to say that i was told the same and as at that point i’d not seen my (child) for over 3mths i caved in and agreed to take an undertaking….i wish i’d not have done that as i’d previously said the ex then tried to use this to delay later proceedings and deceive the courts, Cafcass, CAMHS and the police in saying i’d got a non-mol against me…..took weeks and months to prove i’d not and just added delays to the time i was without contact with my (Child).

As previously said…..if you’ve done nothing wrong and don’t intend to do anything or go near the ex…why take an undertaking!

good luck and i hope it works out for you

Hello UncertainLongTerm,

I entirely agree with dad-i-d when he says, quote, "...if you've done nothing wrong and don't intend to do or go near the ex... why take an undertaking!"

I admire you for standing by your principles. It may be hard at the beginning but I would sincerely hope it is to your benefit in the long run. If justice exists, it will be.