[Solved] No idea maybe just need to vent off

Mate, I’m so sorry to read that. I can only imagine how crushing it must be. You have already come such a long way beyond a point where most would have given up, and reading your words, I can only admire you because there is no hint in there of giving up.

As an outsider, it honestly feels like your son is being emotionally abused. No 10 year old child would write something like that about a loving parent he hasn’t seen in such a long time.

Think about it from your son’s point of view. Deep down he knows you are his dad, and he wants to love you, but he is being told to write that he hates you ?!? Can you imagine the internal conflict this must cause ? How is he going to cope and handle these feelings as he grows up ? Make no mistake, this is outright emotional child abuse, it will affect him throughout his life and mess up his ability to establish loving bonds and trusting relationships, potentially leaving alone and vulnerable when he grows up.

This page has a lot of information that could be relevant for you, although I imagine you may already know it:
https://www.familyseparationclinic.com/articles/

Reading your story I couldn’t help but to have this imagine on my mind, one day, you and your son, together, you tell him, “mate, I’ve never given up on you”, and him smiling :).

I’m sorry it has to be this hard, I’m sure you’re not perfect like none of us are, but no one deserves this, and most of all, your son certainly deserves better.

Please keep us updated.

I really sympathise Dad-I-Dad. My man is going through something similar. Weak judges and ineffective Cafcass workers are doing more harm to children than anyone else. He’s been almost 2 years with no contact at all, ex won’t support indirect contact, she has been proven a liar and an alienator and what happens ... nothing. If the January directions hearing doesn’t include anything positive I just don’t know what he’s going to do. The court case has been dragging on for years with no significant progress made, the children are being more and more aliented and it seems his ex can’t put a foot wrong. I can’t be angry any more, I’m just sad, dejected and tired of it all.

We've pretty much been going through the same - almost 4 years down the line and no further forward.

We did get a psychologist report done as ordered by the Court and nothing was found wrong with the Mother which we were totally gob-smacked at. The Mother is clearly "off her trolley" to be doing to a child what she's doing. We've had similar letters sent to the Judge from the child stating why he didn't want to see Dad even though they had lovely contact times together.

The psychologist acknowledged that mother is not supporting or encouraging contact and whilst she agreed that it is harmful for the child not see his father, she stated it would be more harmful for the child to move to live with his Father in view of the close relationship child and mother have.

All the recommendations the psychologist and Cafcass have made with regards to removing the decision making powers around contact from the child and the mother and father to organise contact - to give this child reassurance that having a relationship with his Dad is ok. Its all continually being ignored by the Mother who does not want them to have any contact but is lying through her teeth and blaming the child for contacting not happening. Mothers recent statement which is going forward to the final Enforcement hearing early next year - stated she would support contact if that's what the child wants but in view that he doesn't then she says the child deserves the respect to make that decision and is seeking a no contact order.

Its still down to the Judge to decide which way this will go but after 4 years of non-compliance going unpunished what message are the courts sending to these spiteful individuals who abuse their kids to get what they want - the Father removed from the child's life as well as their own.

So sorry to hear you are no further forward Lollyrus. According to his solicitor he is looking at another year in court and many months before he can even have indirect contact with his children. Meanwhile they remain in the custody of the mother and stepfather who have been alienating them. Sadly the judge gave ex a quite mystifying “out” which I can’t discuss, so whilst she and her new husband were found to be alienators a more important finding against her wasn’t made even though there was evidence that we all felt proved it. We suspect the judge was too weak to make the right decision. Despite there being no safeguarding concerns on his side now he wasn’t even allowed to send them Christmas presents as the Guardian was against it, she’s always been biased and needs to be replaced in my opinion. How can any of this be right or fair. She has, or had maybe, a whole load of professionals supporting her, social services on speed dial, he has no one stepping up to help and support him. I don’t know how much longer he can fight, he’s got LA to cover it but the pressure, uncertainty and worry is taking a huge toll on his mental and physical health. Next hearing, yet more directions, is early January, hoping for positive news from that one, not expecting it though.

Harli,
Fingers crossed for you all in January. I really hope the Judges take the bull by the horns and make the right decisions for the kids and deal with these evil creatures who happily continue their abuse.

All we can do, hard though it is, is keep picking up the pieces and supporting them as best we can. It’s been an emotional roller-coaster for us and 100 times worse for them and the kids. Keep being his rock and giving him the strength to see it through to the end.

I hope 2018 is the year we get positive results for all of us.

I am so sorry to hear about your story. If this is not child alienation, I don't know what is.
All avoidable if courts had the power/will to enforce orders, me thinks.

You probably know all about the subject better than me, but your story reminded me of the the following two links which might be useful, especially if you are self representing.

http://thecustodyminefield.com/flapp/pacaselawmenu.html

best of luck, and happier new year for you I hope.

I've deleted one of your links to the MF site, we must be careful not to be seen to promote any one business...sorry.

Obviously i was in shock at reading such a letter from (child) and heartbroken knowing that had (child) got the full facts (the truth) then they’d think very differently, however, how can i get (child) to see if i cannot speak with them or get professionals to actually do something other than aid the ex in alienating me totally out of (child) life?

I’m getting fortnightly updates from the ex now (ordered by court) and she just uses this to push her agenda and views on to me to try and control the indirect contact still further.

For example….. i have not seen (child) now for over 2,1/2yrs, so i only have memories and past to go on…. so i tend to add a little bit of things like photos from days out and try to remind (child) of things we did / events / days out etc… that we did together.
All very happy times, things that even CAFCASS and court agree are good to remind (child) that i am not the nasty (expletive) that the ex has brainwashed in to (childs) head.
All i get back from the ex in her “updates” are that (child) doesn’t want photos or reminding of the past…the past is the past and not happy memories for (child)…..

Seriously [censored] is going on in this [censored] woman’s head!!! She disagrees with everyone when they do not go along with her and she is still trying to remove all memories that (child) has/had of our times together.

I can only hope that the judge in a few weeks will see that (child) needs professional help to un-pick the alienation and not do what i’m expecting CAFCASS to recommend which i think will be along the lines of “give the mother and her family more time to promote the indirect contact” i.e. meaning give her more time to get (child) to 12yrs old (1,1/2yrs) where (child) can then address court / judge and tell them he doesn’t want any contact….at which point court will accept that and i’ll be told…..”sorry….nothing more we can do”….any chance of seeing my child grow up then vanishes along with the £11k and last 8yrs of battling to protect and progress the contact we had.

Are you able / willing to become the primary carer?

If you are and do request it strongly, then it would be a realistic option for the judge/psycholoical experts to consider.
The argument would be although short term it would be cause upheaval/stress for the child, but longer term, it will be better for the child.

Otherwise, if you can't take up primary care, i wonder what the court can realistically do other than to give up and recommend status quo, unless the mother agrees to co-operate.

i wonder what the court can realistically do other than to give up and recommend status quo, unless the mother agrees to co-operate.

Realistically, if a parent is found to be deliberately sabotaging a child's relationship with the other loving parent, the court needs to have them arrested. Alienation is child abuse. If someone is out on the street hitting a child, the police is called and the perpretatorgets arrested for a few weeks, there would be little qualms or regrets. No one would say, oh gee, I asked that person to stop hitting the child, but they won't co-operate, all there's left to do is accept the status quo.

The status quo of this situation is that dad-i-d's child is going to grow up confused and later when they realize what happened will have trouble establishing relationships themselves, they will be more likely to have less self-confidence which will translate in lower earning power throughout their life, more likely to engage in substance abuse, etc. If the alienating parent serving 30 days of jail can stop those outcomes, absolutely that's what the court should do. Not seeing your child for 30 months isn't normal, I'm not sure what more evidence a court would need.

Don't get me wrong I totally agree that if the courts applied tough automatic penalties of sorts, and were firm, the mother's would think twice before behaving like this. But they don't seem to see that as an option.

But I was merely following the thought process of the judges. They think if they throw the mum in jail, who then would take care of the child. That wouldn't be in the interest of the child.

If transferring the residence to father is on the cards, then that would be an option they would at least consider.