[Solved] Newbie in a dark place

Thats just stupid her only letting you see your child for that amount of time, your a Dad for crying out loud it infuriates me these women think they can play god it's absolutely unreal, Get you're MIAM form from the mediators and go to court to apply for a child arrangement order you won't regret it trust me 🙂

It costs £215 and thats it you won't have to fork out anymore throughout the case, Once you get an order set in stone you will be fine 🙂

BTW, welcome to the forum, you have defo come to the right place I went off on one there without saying hi lol

You will find 90% of the dads on here have or are going through exactly the same as what you have described so don't feel alone, Time to get yourself out of that dark place my friend 🙂

Hello and thank you for your reply 🙂

£215 doesn't sound steep at all!

She has told me tonight that she has called the police as I'm harassing her. Define harassing?
I don't text and ring all day and I do text to try and get more access that us all! Yes I was bitter and did put her down personally but that's finished.
Every time we had an argument she would cancel visits to I had to stop name calling.

I'll attend the initial mediation if I need to as she has already declined this and then take it from there. I'm going to do a lot of homework for the court though.

I just fear that the court won't rule in my favour. The baby is only 7 months old. I've never been violent or anything though so I can't see why they would.

It's just a rubbish system but what can be done? Go to court but then I've already missed out on loads.

Thanks again anyway it's good to know there are good people that take the time to listen and help.

First and foremost do not reply to her via text phone call or nothing she will easily get a non mol order slapped on you or get you locked up for the night I had to cut all communication totally to stop exactly that happening to me.

I never seen my 15 month year old for 9 months yeah I've missed out but me and my daughters bond is stronger than ever now you can always get back what you've missed out on, It's not a case of IF you will get contact but WHEN the courts bend over backwards for a child to see their father although it may not seem like it at first as they want to make sure you're not a threat to your child.

Now what I would say is get that form of the mediators and get your application in asap if you leave it it could be months before you get this sorted out.

By the way one text can be classed as harassment so be very very very careful.

Do your research keep posting here and take the courts step by step above all do not have any bad communication with the ex 🙂

I've text her around 5 times today all about trying to see my daughter more. She actually rang me quite abrupt as she had received an invite to mediation saying she was declining it.

She's basically said tonight I can't see the baby and she has reported me to the police. This just feels like ammunition for her to say in court "I had to ring the police as he sent me 5 texts once day"

They shouldn't be allowed to get away with this and something should be put in place.

I'll be sure to visit the mediators as soon as I can as I think although she has declined mediation I will still need to attend the initial appointment.

You would think that as she is returning to work next month and may work weekends she would be more open to the idea of increased access.

There's a poor little girl stuck in the middle of all this. At least she's too young to understand but i doubt she's going to realise I'm her daddy any time soon.

I'll be sure to seek lots of advice for the court proceedings. I've already printed a guide off that someone put together on here.

Thanks 🙂 feel a bit better now.

Make sure you stop them texts it won't make a blind bit of difference to the courts or police you will make your life extremely difficult for yourself if you carry on sending them as just one text will be classed as harassment and if you get arrested for harassing her it will be months if not years before you get to see your child and she will be able to get legal aid so then you will have a solicitor dragging things out stopping contact for even longer.

You have to be whiter than white from now on, yeah the ex's hold all the cards the system is screwed and it will seem like every things going in her favour at first and every thing is against us but you have to deal with it and fight for your child, get on to the mediators tomorrow get your form then apply through the courts using a c100 form, You will start to feel better once the court process has been started 🙂

Hi Jcowap,

Welcome to DAD info. I am sorry that you are experiencing issues with your ex, it must be incredibly frustrating for you.

Do you have Parental Responsibility (PR) for your daughter? Are you named on the Birth Certificate ?

I totally understand your frustrations regarding the current situation but it important that you refrain from regular texts to your ex at the moment.

As you don't appear to have engaged a solicitor yet I will ask the Coram Children's Legal Centre to pop by and offer you some advice regarding what you should consider doing next.

Take a look at Splitting up? Put kids first which will help you develop a parenting plan. If nothing else it will help you consider the kind of things you should be thinking about regarding arrangements that will need to be made for your child.

What would be your ideal outcome if you and your ex were able to come to some agreement regarding your daughter?

Keep talking

Gooner

Hello Gooner.

Thank you for your response. I did seek a bit of advice from a solicitor and they quoted their fee’s and I left it at that because as I have mentioned I am struggling financially to make ends meet at the moment and I am working ever so hard to get a promotion.

My name is on the birth certificate of our daughter which I am a aware is an extremely good thing.

My ex has now said I cannot see my daughter as she is getting legal advice so I acknowledge there is no more point in the texts and unfortunately I will just have to forget about my access for now.

Thank you for referring me for some advice.

My ideal outcome would be to be able to pick my daughter up and take her to mine for 2/3 hours or to a play centre, or where ever else and then drop her off at an agreed time. I think this would be best for all as my ex is due to return to work soon and may work weekends. Im not asking for overnights or anything at this stage as she is only 7 months old. I do not think that this request is unreasonable. My ex argues that I do not know my daughters routine. I have fed her on many occasions, changed her, got her off to sleep. Last Saturday in the space of an hour I changed her, fed her, entertained her and got her off to sleep what more can I do. Yes fair enough I don’t know when she has her food and how much she has but say for example I have her for 4 hours and in that time she needs feeding tell me when and how much and I will do it.

She has denied mediation so unfortunately I am escalating it to a family court. She states a judge will laugh at me because I have sent texts arguing and calling her names in the past and has evidence. She has also sent me abuse but why would I judge say I cant see my daughter because I have called me ex X,Y & Z? This isn’t about me and my ex this is about me and my daughter.

Thank you

Thank you for your enquiry.

Before we are able to advise you fully we have to establish if you have Parental Responsibility for your daughter. You would have Parental Responsibility for your daughter if:

• You were married to the mother at the time of your child’s birth; or
• You subsequently married the mother after the birth of your child; or
• You are named on your child’s birth certificate and your child was born after 1 December 2003; or
• You have entered into a Parental Responsibility Agreement with the mother; or
• You had a Parental Responsibility Order granted in your favour by the courts; or
• You had had residence of your child awarded in your favour through a Residence or Child Arrangement Order by the courts.

Having Parental Responsibility for your daughter would mean that you would have equal legal rights for your daughter along with the mother. In practice this would mean you will have a right to an equal say in all key decisions in your daughter’s life, this would include for example any medical, educational or religious decisions and any decision in changing your daughter’s surname. It does not grant either of the parents the automatic right to have your child reside with you or allow any automatic right to contact with your child.

If you do not have Parental Responsibility, there are a number of steps you can take in order to get this. Firstly if you are not named on your daughter’s birth certificate then with the mother’s consent you could have the birth reregistered to have you entered onto the birth certificate thus granting you Parental Responsibility. Alternatively, you and the mother can sign together a Parental Responsibility Agreement. This agreement would be made on a prescribed form called a PRA1; this form is available from your local Family Court or online at www.justice.gov.uk. This agreement would have to be signed with the consent of the mother and at your local Family Court where it would have to be signed and witnessed by a member of the court staff, e.g. a clerk.
If the mother does not agree directly with you to let you obtain Parental Responsibility by the methods above we would first advise you to attempt to come to an agreement on doing so through mediation. For more information on mediation and for assistance in organising this you can contact National Family Mediation on 03004000636.

If mediation failed and the mother was still unwilling to allow you to obtain Parental Responsibility then you can apply to court for a Parental Responsibility Order. This would be done using a C1 form available from the same sources as the PRA1. There are two guidance leaflets, CB1 and CB3, available from the same sources that will assist with the C1 form. In deciding whether or not to grant any Parental Responsibility Order the court will consider the following:

• Your connection and attachment to your daughter; and
• Your reasons for applying.

It is worth noting that Parental Responsibility Orders are usually granted and would only normally be refused if there were severe welfare concerns. There is a fee of £215 for a Parental Responsibility Order. If you are on a low income or on benefits you may be eligible for a full or partial fee exemption and should consult the fee exemption form EX160A, again available from your local Family Court or online at www.justice.gov.uk.
Contact

In the absence of any court orders saying otherwise your daughter can legally reside with either parent with Parental Responsibility and there is no legal assumption in favour of either mother or father. In practice this can mean whoever is the resident parent at any given time can retain the child in their care and refuse to allow the other parent any contact with the child. Although both parents do have a duty to be reasonable about contact and if they are not it could reflect poorly on them in any future court proceedings.

If the mother of your daughter chooses to stop contact between you and your daughter the mother would have to demonstrate that this is reasonable and in your daughter’s best interests. If she takes this step there are a number of steps that you can take to ensure that you maintain regular contact with your daughter.

The first step we would advise you to take is to try and come to a new settled agreement for contact with the mother(s) through mediation. Under the Children and Families Act 2014 it is a legal requirement to attempt this before you make any application to court. For more information on mediation and for help organising it you can contact National Family Mediation on 03004000636. Legal aid is available for mediation.

If mediation is not successful then your next step would be to apply to court for set contact with your children under a Child Arrangements Order. This application would be made using a C100 form, available from your local Family Court or online at www.justice.gov.uk. There are two further guidance leaflets, CB1 and CB3, which will assist with this form. You will need to make two separate applications for each child.

In deciding on whether or not to issue such an order the court will base their decision on what they feel is in the best interests of your daughter’s welfare and in doing so they will consider the welfare checklist:

• Wishes and feelings of the child (weight given to these feelings depends on the age of the child, more weight being given to a child over the age of 11).
• Childs physical, emotional and educational needs.
• Effect of any change on the child.
• The age, [censored] and background of the child.
• Any harm which the child has suffered or may suffer.
• How capable each parent is of meeting the Childs needs.

It is worth noting that contact is seen as the right of the child and the courts do like to enable regular contact between a child and both parents where possible and would only look to restrict or limit contact if there were strong welfare reasons to do so. It is typical for contact to increase gradually over time if there are concerns about very young children. you would need to propose to the court that you are able to meet your daughter’s needs.

The fees for the application to court would be £215. However if you are on a low income or in receipt of benefits you may be eligible for a full or partial fee exemption and should consult the fee exemption form EX160A, again available from the same sources as above. It is possible to represent yourself in court and the only costs will be that initial fee.

If you require any further advice please do not hesitate to contact us. Our advice line phone service on 08088020008 is available Mon-Fri between 8:00-20:00.

Hi and welcome to the forum,

Mr Slim has given you good advice, I would say that from what I have read you aren't asking for too much and actually your being realistic in the approach, What I will say though is that when applying to the court make your ideal outcome future proof, cover ALL angles, include a schedule of increased time as your daughter gets older including overnights and eventually weekends, cover off Christmas and Birthdays as well as holidays, the more you can get nailed down in court the less room there is for further issues in the future.

If you apply to the court and ask for 4 hours a week, and you get that, you would either have to get your ex to agree to increasing this at a later date, or apply to the court again for a variation order, so get something down as a plan to increase your contact time from the start and you will have it covered.

Again as Mr Slim and Gooner have said (and you have agreed) stop sending any text, if she manages to get harrasment to stick it wil go against you, however if she can't get that to stick then the text that have been sent, although may get looked at in court if she brings them up, the judge won't take too much notice, they are looking towards furture contact and unless what has happened in the past would raise a threat to your daughter they won't take too much notice.

I would make a transcript of all the text back and fourth between you that you have include the ones where you have been name calling no matter how bad they seem and you can have these in court and produce them if needed to show you are being honest and up front, as said be squeeky clean from now on and keep one step ahead, you will get to have a relationship with your daughter it will just take time to go through court.

GTTS

Hello and thank you for the amazing advice.

This has filled me with a lot of confidence.

She has declined mediation and the cost for the solicitors to send off the form is around £100 which I will pay. It is a shame as I was about to open a savings account for my daughter.

it seems that i do have PR as i am on the birth certificate and the child is 7 months old.

Again thank you for your expert advice.