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Hello all, I am not a Dad, but have come on here to try and obtain some advice to give to my son who is having problems.
He is having problems having stable contact with his 2 year old son. I imagine a solicitor and court is the way to go, how long does this take and is it effective if the mother is obstructive. The main problem is the demands of the mother, who is basically using the child as a pawn to maintain control of my son.
They agreed to contact during the day twice a week and one overnight stay. However how this goes on a week to week basis depends on the mood of the mother who does have irrational mood swings.
My son is easily manipulated by her because he desparately wants to keep contact with his son and will basically co operate with anything to do so.
One example of her unreasonable demands, my son works nights as a driver on a rota, which means sometimes his work nights falls on the night he would have his son. In the mother's eyes, he should take that night off and put his son before his work. She will not accept the option of an alternative night. Should he do this on a regular basis he would lose his job. This is in addition to times when he turns up to collect him and she says she has changed her mind for no particular reason.
My son is now in a new relationship with nice girl who has a proven record of being a good person and parent (she has a 3 year old boy.) They are considering setting up home together, but the mother of my grandson says she will not let my son have his son for overnight stays if he does, can she do this.
The problem is, my son is being affected emotionally and if he does not do everything the mother says in order to see his son, he will be being a bad father.
A lot more has happened than I have put here, but the main problem is what can I advise my son to do other than being kept on a leash by his estranged partner just so he can maintain regular contact with his son
His name is on the birth certificate, although they were never married.
Hi there and welcome 🙂
Your son has two options available to him. The first would be mediation, this is where he and the ex would attend a meeting at a mediation centre and with the guidance of a trained mediator, discuss all the issues, and hopefully come to an agreement. A judge would expect that this has been tried prior to asking for court intervention. There is a fee for this, heres a link ~
www.nfm.org.uk
The second option would be to apply to the family court for a defined contact order. If you take a look at the top of the Legal Eagle section you will find two stickys, the first is a Contact Order C100 Guide, this is about the form you would need to submit to the court to apply for contact. The other is a Guide to Representing yourself in Court and this has lots of information about the process. The application fee is £200 which is a steal compared to the amount a solicitor would charge! There are lots of Dads who choose to represent themselves and it is very doable.
Good luck with everything 🙂
Hi welcome to the site you are in the best place to get advice. If you read through the site you will see this is a very common problem, women controlling, via there children. My son also works nights and his ex also tries to dictate the Saturdays, to the point he’s now used all his holidays up so he can see his daughter. You could try mediation; in fact the courts would expect it, if this does not work you can go to court for a defined contact order , we are doing this at the moment.
You need to fill in a c100 for contact also a fm1 this is for family mediation as this is what is now expected and you have to have a good reason why you haven’t tried it
You submit the forms to the magistrate court nearest to where the child lives and pay £200 this is a one of fee and shouldn’t cost you any more. within a few weeks you will get a court date, the first date is a quick hearing, you will get a call from cafcass asking if you have any worries regarding the safety of your child and the reasons you are going to court, do not slate the mum, even though she has behaved bad to you, tell your son to be the nice guy. You can put on the c100 exactly why you are going to court; the mother is restricting access etc and being controlling When she gets the court letter expect her to stop access, but make sure you put in your mini statement on section 7 that you get contact and what contact you get, I would now go for a defined contact this will give you more security. Also state holidays, birthdays, Christmas weekend with times and overnight stays
Thank you both for getting back. I have just heard from my son that he has got an appointment with local mediation next Tuesday so we see what they have to say, though from what I gather if she does not agree to partake in the mediation it then falls through, and I have a feeling she will not. May have to go down the legal route. As my son is on a low wage I think he may qualify for legal aid, that being the case I wonder if he may get help with the court fee of £200.00 which he would struggle to find, but if not there is always me. I am wondering if he could get financial help, is it advantageous to have a solicitor?
My only worry is the length of time it will all take, and my son is very vulnerable with his feelings when it comes to his son and I just hope if his ex punishes him by making contact during the interim he may cave in. I try to be supportive but I am 250 miles away
Just another point I wonder if anyone has any experience of, would a court be likely to negate overnight stays due to my son living with his new partner, his ex is saying that she does not want Ollie (the little boy) having contact with my son's new partner. I would have thought she would have to justify this by proving her to be of past bad character which she is not.
Hi again 🙂
Firstly as your son is on low income he could qualify for Legal Aid, he would also get help with the fees and mediation costs if that were the case. As to wether it would be worth getting a solicitor, that is debatable...There are some here that have had negative experiences with a solicitor but the reverse is also true....I personally think its better to self represent if the case isnt too complex, as the litigant (which would be your son) can often speak far more eloquently in court, as its from the heart.
As for the ex being able to dictate who Ollie can and cant see, and not allowing overnight stays because your son has a new partner is extremely unlikely , there would have to be some very good reasons for the court to intervene in that respect. If your son has been having overnight stays then the court would wish for this to continue.
Thank you for this, it has cheered me up and I will tell my son to look at this and hopefully it will encourage him. I will continue the post after he has been to his first mediation appointment next Tuesday
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