[Solved] New allegations - want to give up!

Is there any point in fighting it. Shall I just accept what my ex is offering and move on with my life. If I see my son for just two hours a week he'll still love me.

I want to fight but I don't see how I can get anything close to what I want. Every time I see a glimmer of hope, some progress, the ex creates some new lies. The latest is the most sickening of them all.

One day she'll have to answer to my son and he'll want to know why he only sees dad two hours a week at a centre. She'll have to look him in the eye and lie. I hope that hurts her. Having to lie to her own son to hide her selfish actions

I sent a PM earlier - I think fighting for contact and fighting the allegations are separate issues for now, but the problem is that in the future, they may be linked again and you could find your contact reduced. Perhaps leave the contact as it is for now (2 hours a week is meaningful contact - not ideal, but it's sufficient that he sees you and you can pack in a lot of fun in that time, with some careful planning) and fight any other allegations - it may be that if you accept the contact, you ex will withdraw the allegations, in which case you might have a case for showing that it was a lie.

She hasn't gone to the police with these allegations, it was just one of many allegations she mentioned during her section 7 interview.

This new alleged incident according to my ex happened 4 years ago. If she does go to the police they will want to know why she's bringing it up now during contact proceedings.

It's just fresh allegation to delay contact progressing.

The CAFCAAS officer told me she'll just lump it in with the rest and then make a recommendation.

did you get an impression from the cafcass officer that they didn't believe the allegations?

I did point it out to her that she has never mentioned it before in court. The CAFCAAS officer said they asked her the same question and my ex said she felt ashamed.

The thing is considering the nature of the allegation it is a pretty big thing to miss out on when her modus operandi is to restrict my contact and get a retraining order on me.

She knew that at the next hearing they were gonna take me out of the centre and move me into contact in the community. This is a fresh hurdle to delay it. A major hurdle. I'm quite terrified because if she gets a sniff that they don't believe her she might call the cops. Once I'm under police investigation ill definitely not see my son.

But the police will wonder why she has delayed for 4 years and why in the middle of a contact proceedings.

All speculation but I can't rule it out with my ex

Should I write my ex a letter asking her to think about her actions and the lasting impact it could have on our son? Send it to her solicitors to forward.

Briefly asking her to stop these allegations since restricting contact with my son, only damages him.

Imagine a boy growing up just seeing his dad for a few hours every Saturday and that's all. He'll have questions. What will my ex do? Will she expect me to lie and cover for her. Will she lie and tell him what she accused me and mess him up just to cover up her lies.

I need her to see the lasting impact and I want to tell her that I will try to comprise over contact but she needs to be reasonable since one day a week contact for a few hours is not enough

or

Shall I not bother with a letter. Keep quite and then challenge her in court. Demand a fact finding. Fight fire with fire and expose her lies.

I am sorry that you are facing these challenges. Do not write to her or contact anybody about her. You could find yourself in a bigger hole or in prison.

As you have had supported contact and that went well, I would argue in court that yes these allegations are fresh and not ideal but moving back to supervised contact is very confusing for your child. Push for a fact findings. To remove the risk of threat to your ex, you could ask for the non-molestation be extended.

Personally, I would ask for a progression to supported in a community by a friend or professional because should findings be found (you know the allegations) they might not be a bar to contact but also state that you will be happy to take contact as it is to the Judge if push comes to shove.

BM,

First thing first, I know how much you love your son and want tbe part of his life, so don't give up. I think you are capable of getting through this.

I dread to think what the allegation may be, I have an inkling what it may be, but when all is said and done it really is only being said to thwart contact and delay progression. From what you have described, your wife is a walking contradiction, and nothing she does really makes sense.

You need to manage your case well from now on and demonstrate logically why it is best for contact to progress. You have contact in the centre at the moment, and unless there is clear and compeeling evidence to suggest why it should not be normal unsupervised contact, then your ex needs to prove this unequivocally in court.

Of course a lot of your focus and argument will depend on what the S7 states. But I believe from what I know so far, you can build a good case that gives you a good chance of getting out of the contact centre.

The timing of her new allegation is very suspicious. And if contact is going well in the centre for the past few months, with a view to it moving elsewhere, then what purpose does a new allegation serve? Why make an allegation to thwart contact, when contact is going well? The motive to destroy the contact is clear to see. I hope the judge will see the deliberate attempt on your wifes part to hinder contact.

As always, keep child focused, keep getting good contact centre reports. Wait for the S7 to come in, digest what is says and then sort your game plan and your arguments out for why contact progressing is in your childs interests.

I feel ultimately the judge will look at a new allegation in this way....why is it being made now? What purpose does it serve? With it being historic, is it actually relevant to contact? If he feels no, then allegation dismissed. If he feels it is relevent to contact, then perhaps you need to push for a finding of fact to draw a line under the bull once and for all. The judge will decide if the allegation deserves investigating or not.

All the best in your case. And as always PM me if you want to discuss things in more detail.

Simon.

If what she alleges happened 4 years ago and was so serious, how come she continued on with the relationship? If you can produce evidence that your marriage in the time since then, before you split up, was happy then that would put into doubt her argument that she was too frightened to speak out. Do you have photos of you all enjoying time together, looking happy, proof of holidays, anything that builds a picture of a marriage that was fully functioning.... Build a picture that contradicts hers and sow those seeds of doubt....oh and push for a fact finding hearing to get it all out there.

Magistrates are handling my case so no judge but im wondering if a judge might take over at the next hearing once the section 7 is released and her new allegation is highlighted.

Has anyone here represented themselves at a fact finding? I would like to do one but its the cost.

My ex was offered a fact finding at the first hearing but turned it down saying she cant afford it. Thats why they ordered the section 7.

Is it possible to ask for a fact finding after it was offered and refused by the ex?

I plan to tell the magistrates "these allegations are being used to stop me from having meaningful contact. My ex has stated that she is happy to see my son but is only willing to offer one day a week, at a contact centre. This is not good for my son. I want these allegations investigated via a fact finding. If my ex is against it then she must agree to not use these allegations against me."

To put it simply, she cant have her cake and eat it.

If im honest the prospect of self representing at a fact finding is scary. Its based on probability not beyond reasonable doubt. You could be innocent and still found guilty. What choice do i have though

----

In regards to why she continued with the relationship - i posed this question to Cafcaas and she said they asked my ex the same question and why shes bringing it up now and her answer was that she felt ashamed.

Shes lying but the sense of shame is common among victims of what she is alleging. My ex is smart. Im terrified at the type of person im dealing with. Its become sinister now. She hasnt called the cops but i can see her doIng it if things dont go her way just to throw a spanner into the contact proceeding.

also, are CAFCAAS duty bound to report her new allegation to the police due to the serious nature? Regardless of whther my ex wants to or not.

Also can i ask for a fact finding? I was under the impression that a fact finding was a one time only. They offered it to my ex and she said no, hence the section 7.

If this is the case it should work in my advantage right? I can say she turned it down and these allegations shouldnt be continuely used against me.

Anyone here represented themselves at a fact finding