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Hi, i am new to this forum so please bear with me!
I have been seperated from my ex-partner for 5 years and we have a little girl together who is 6 and a half. For the last 5 years we have had an understanding that regarding my contact my ex drops my daughter off every other friday afternoon and i take her back late sunday afternoon. This has been the case like i said for the last 5 years. Back in January of this year i lost my job, after a long discussion with my fiancee i decided that i would stay at home and look after our son who is nearly 2 and my step-daughter who is 9, and my fiancee would return to work, this was the case for just over 8 months, i adored being home with my son as it was a great opportunity to bond further with him whilst my fiancee gained a little independance by returning to work.
My ex partner who is married was pregnant at the time with her 3rd child, she asked if i could start to pick my daughter up as she was getting too big to drive, i agreed instantly as A) i wasn't working and i could pick her up at anytime, and B) as i wasn't working i thought it was only fair to contribute what i could as my ex was not receiving any maintenance payments from me whilst i was out of work.
This continued up until the end of August when i was lucky enough to find work again. I contacted my ex and informed her that i was now back at work and could the arrangements revert back to what they were originally, her reply to this was a flat out NO! When i asked her why, her reply was that it wasn't fair for her 3yr old and baby to be in a car seat for so long. This had never been a problem before, only now. I explained to her that as i didn't finish work till 5 and seeing as she lives 45 mins away it was easier for her to drop my daughter off with my fiancee straight after school rather than wait until at least 6pm for me to pick her up which would mean not getting home till gone 7pm with weekend traffic, on top of which my partner works on a friday and has to leave at 6pm, meaning that i would then have to take my son and my step-daughter with me when they should be at home getting ready for bed, I must point out also that my son has a prescribed sedative medication that he has to have every night at 5.30pm which is designed to put him into a deep enough sleep to stop scratching at his exzema. I physically cannot get from work to pick up my daughter and get back home before my fiancee has to leave for work. After a few texts back and forth between myself and my ex she stated that if i wanted my daughter on the weekend i would have to pick her up regardless, i then said to her that this would end up resulting in me contacting a solicitor to which she replied "i'll look forward to hearing from them!"
I contacted a solicitor and explained that all i want is for my ex to drop my daughter off again the way it was originally. She sent a letter to my ex regarding contact, nothing was heard back from her. I contacted my solicitor again who then sent another letter.... in the meantime i had text my ex asking her what was happening, her reply was "my solicitor is contacting yours, thats all you need to know"
8 weeks later my solicitor has still had no contact from my ex or her solicitor. In the meantime my solicitor has referred me to Resolve Cymru for mediation, i have attended the first initial appt and the mediator has stated that they will send a letter to my ex asking for her to also attend a meeting. I believe that my ex will also ignore this letter aswell. I am still unsure where i stand regarding legal aid as my solicitor says that i qualify, yet the mediator says i don't. I don't think i am being unreasonable, i am not asking for stupid things, all i want is for my daughter to be dropped off to me!!! Its not fair for all my children to be out so late, especially my little boy as his medication knocks him out and he needs to be in bed, if he has his medicine at 7pm it will undo all the good we have struggled to achieve with his health over the last 2 years!! My questions are as follows:
1) If my ex fails to get in contact with the mediation team, will i still be required to attend?
2) What can i do in the meantime as regards contact as i am desperatley missing my little girl and the more this drags on the more scared i am getting that her mother will fill her head with lies i.e "daddy cant be bothered to come and get you" etc.
3) If i don't qualify for legal aid how much is it likely to cost me to take it to court?
4) Can i represent myself, and if so, how much will it cost? How do i initiate it and am i likely to be listened to?
Thank you for taking the time to read this and i look forward to the help i am hoping to receive from you all,
Regards Paul
Hi and welcome to the forum.
I'm not sure what the courts position would be with regards the travel arrangements, I would say its more common to expect the non resident parentbto do the travelling or at least to share it, but you do have a strong reason for asking your ex to share this.
In answer to your questions, I don't know the mediation process, but I don't think they'd expect you to continue to attend if nothing is being achieved - have a word with them, and assuming they agree, ask them to provide evidence that you have tried to mediate.
If you go to court using a solicitor, it's difficult to say what it will cost - it depends on how difficult your ex makes the process. I hate to frighten you, but mine was extremely contentioous and the initial proceedings cost me over 30k in legal fees, with almost 10k in a follow up action.
However, it's perfectly possible to represent yourself, the court fee is about ΓΒ£200, and you will certainly not be penalized in court for representing yourself - read through Toni's posts as he has posted quite comprehensively about his experiences representing himself successfully.
Hi Paul,
FIrstly what a sorry situation you are finding yourself in. Hope we can be of help here π
With regard to the Questions:
1) If your wife is not attending mediation... i would not attend either. This will be an added cost, and the fact that you have also started and she has not accepted shows unwillingness from her. The evidence of this will be recovered from your solicitors letters.
2) Contact will be the difficult issue here. As anyone will say it is important to try and arrange to retain contact. Its very important in stopping the poisoning process. You should definately start actions towards getting a Contact Order.
3) If you go to Court to represent yourself, a minimum it can cost you (as it did me for 5months) was ΓΒ£200, which was the cost of the application form. Others on here, their costs run into the many thousands of pounds. One thing to be aware is that given your 45min travel, i would hazard they are living within a different Court catchment. Any Contact Order raised needs to be with the Court that is classed as local to your child.
4) If you are going to court, it is just the cost of travel and missed days from work. The times vary from case to case. If your ex agrees it, then one meeting. However the likely result is between 6wks for the application to come to the Initial Hearing. This will be done with a Legal Adviser who will likely order Mediation. From this point it is likely to take time. If your ex refuses. A resolve will be less than 6months. If you have to go through mediation: ensure (paramount) that you state any agreement made in Mediation you want putting into a Court Order that is legally binding.
You are highly likely to be listened to. As actd states Fathers are gradually getting listened to more through the Courts these days. Your Son's medical condition will definately go in support of you here in that a Court will have to consider your circumstance (aka your sons) and equally the importance of that of maintaining meaningful contact with your daughter. I can see the Courts making an Order that your ex will need to drop off your daughter or at the very least meet you at a location fairly local to you.
If you need any directives filling in the Contact Form, feel free to post again and we can all help with pointers.
....Toni's posts ....
[censored] - that's auto correction for you. I meant Yoji, and fortunately, he's now replied π
Thank you so much for your advice.
At present I am still waiting for my ex to get in contact with the mediation team to arrange a meeting - i am not hopeful of this as she has ignored most things so far! I have tried ringing her to speak to my daughter but every time i have sent a text to say that i will be ringing she ignores my phonecall, i have spoken to my solicitor about this and she has assured me she will send a letter to my ex stipulating days and times for me to ring. So far it has been 45 days since i have seen my little girl and its getting harder everyday, i have never gone longer than 12 days without seeing her π
Hopefully i will hear something soon as regards mediation, the mediator told me that they will wait 2 weeks for a reply from my ex before they refer me back to the solicitor, only then can i make an application for an interim contact order. I will keep you informed as to what happens as and when it does,
Regards Paul
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