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Yeah well i understand so thats why I came here before even replying to them. It makes sense to build time with my son and reestablish the bond and things like that. They are quite good with allowing me to have time myself with him for a few hours and I dont mind travelling down to do so, id go to the end of the earth regularly to see my boy.
The comment about not being the main babysitter for him i dont understand? I am not, thats his grandparents, but I would absolutely love to be, at least during school holidays when that time comes and times when it will be possible for him to come back up to Glasgow without missing his nursery etc.
We dont as much not get on as much as simply not communicate, I have little desire to after her attacking me and when I can do so via her parents who are great.
Can anyone shed any light on the bond aspect... my sons barely seen me for 2 or 3 months now, and sees me once or twice a month just now. Will he know i am his daddy when he sees me? I often wonder about this and it tears me up big time. I know when hes bigger he will naturally want to see his daddy but just now I do wonder.
hi wyatt,
i can share my experience about bonding aspect. my ex did a runner while heavily pregnant. court process got rolling. up till my first court hearing i saw the baby for 10 minutes and that was it,and at the time baby would have been under 3 months old. court ordered that i sit in ex's flat for 30 minutes every saturday for few weeks. weird lol but i couldnt complain as ex was not interested in me seeing the baby.
as court progressed, that contact changed to me seeing the baby for 1 hour every 2 weeks, nearby in coffee shop or park. ex was wonderful enough to suggest i see baby in contact centre and pay for it lol. court didnt buy that [censored]. she is now 9 months old. ex told lies about wanting to breast-feed child till age 1 so baby could not be away from mother for very long. and even my other kids tell me baby is on solids already. anyway when court ended we agreed that child contact will increase when baby reaches 1, and then overnights when she is 2.
Lots of mums abuse their child's father and use them for adhoc babysitting at short notice. They then use this as a way to threaten when the father can or cannot see their child, and to control what they do when they have the child. If the father gets a new partner and has more children these threats tend to increase.
It is not in the child's best interests to not know when they will see either parent as children particularly if school age need a routine. The child will probably get upset if they don't know which parent they are staying with/seeing when.
You are also a person who has a right to have your own family life and private life which is absolutely nothing to do with your ex. If you agree to being the babysitter and don't stick firmly to a routine with changes agreed weeks in advance, you will heap a whole load of pain on yourself if and when you go onto have more children with a new partner.
are you in the court process? You say 'they are saying' do you mean the mother or the court.
It is difficult to get overnights in place for a breastfed baby if the mother is opposed. I would suggest accepting as much contact as she will offer and suggest mediation perhaps to help you progress.
Thanks everyone,
When I say they i mean the mother and my ex. I accept i need to be patient with having my son up to scotland and overnight even though it sucks..
I am worrying about his 1st birthday, in November. If me and the ex dont like being around each other i dunno what approach to take or what to expect but what would you suggest? Im really worried my ex gets selfish and I cant see him at all on the day, i couldnt handle that.
With regard to court i am trying to get it in motion now, can anyone give answers to the following;
How to I arrange it, how do I apply?
When I do apply should I have a lawyer organised already? If so should i have went through everything with them before making the application?
Are there any options for people who dont have 1000s to spare when it comes to a lawyer?
Thanks so much to all
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