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Hi all
I have been working as a firefighter for the past 11 years. My shifts are 4 on 4 days off. My ex wife and i split up when our son was 5. We agreed to have equally. I worked 4 days then on my 4 off my son would be with me. I would drop him back to her on the night of my last day off before I went to work the following day.
She tried to change all this to suit her when she got a new boyfriend 12 months later. I quickly got legal advice and got a contact order.
The contact order was that I have my son on the first day of my days off at 07:30am (as I finished work at 07:00am), until my 3rd day off where I would drop him back to her at 19:00pm. So I lost a days access, but was happy for a routine to stay in place and have stability.
This was fine for 3 years, until I changed my job, join a different brigade,. My hours of work changed. Still 4 on 4 off, but on my first day off I didn't finish work until 09:00am. So I couldn't make the 07:30am pick up any more. At first my ex was off on maternity leave and said she "would do me a favour" and keep hold of him until I got back home from work.
This has all changed and she is not happy to have my son the extra few hours each week for me until I can get there. She is demanding I stick to the contact order and be there at 07:30am.
I physically can't get there at that time, I have no one to help, as I moved from one end of country to the other to be with my then wife.
I have heard about variations in court order, but she will never agree to any changes unless they suit her, or have the court order removed so she can be in control. My son is now 9. I pay her maintenance each month and do my best as a dad p, in a city where I have limited friends and no family. Put a roof over his head, work full time to provide for him. For the sake of a few hours a week she is making my life [censored], chased away one gf and is pushing another out the door.
Any advice would be grateful. I know I got the contact order and I made the hours to suit my previous job. Circumstances change, people change jobs.
Thank you
Hi there, as I understand you would have to apply to the court to vary the order but would have to attend mediation first as it became mandatory in April this year. Sorry to hear she is being so obstructive, unfortunately it's very common. Could you try reaching agreement with a formal letter and if no joy, then pursue mediation with intent to proceed with an application to vary the order? I would say she is being very unreasonable with this.
Hi there
Your first port of call would be mediation to try and get her to agree to the adjustment. If this doesn't work then you have the option of applying for a variation of the order.
Mediation is now compulsory before court action can be taken, here's a link
www.nfm.org.uk
As you quite rightly say, changes happen and it's hoped that parents can continue to co parent with some flexibility.
The only other option is to look for a childminder that could do the pick ups for you, during school term time it's possible the school might run a breakfast club for parents that start work early. Speak to the school, they may be able to help.
Thanks for the info. She is unreasonable and is unlikely to attend mediation. I don\\\'t supposed I can just attend on my own and then make a variation to the contact order myself?
Mediation would get us nowhere. She wants the contact order scrapped as she isn\\\'t in control of it.
What happened if she refuses to mediate?
Hi Wato,
If she refused to go to mediation the mediators would sign of your C100 in the relevant box and you can then make your application to court. If she refuses the court would also see that she was being unreasonable.
Make that mediation appointment, she may even turn up and agree to your request if the mediator does theyre job well enough. Its not like your asking for much.
Either way you have nothing to lose.
I hope all goes well.
Regards,
Dave
I agree - she can say no to you, but in front of a mediator, what she is insisting on is really petty, and she might come to her senses. If she doesn't, I can't see a court being too impressed with her inflexibility.
Thank you all for your advice and guidance
My former wont let me have telephone contact on a Friday evening despite it being in the court order.
She uses the excuse that our oldest is at Brownies. (our youngest isnt) All good and well and I obviously wouldnt stop that just for a phone call as I have contact and another telephone contact opportunity.
However I did ask her if I could call our children before Brownies and she refused........this was about 6 or 8 weeks ago.....last week we both attended a meeting with a social worker and the social worker questioned her refusal and she agreed that our children call me on a Friday before Brownies???
If its suggested by someone else or her decision is scrutinised your former may agree....seems to be the way.
Regards,
Dave
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