[Solved] Nearing the end

Hi there

Your son is still very young and, if you left she is likely to cary through with her threat to deny you access. If this were to happen, you would need to attempt mediation to try and reach agreement. If that failed, the mediator would sign off the form to enable you to apply to court.

Its difficult to predict what a court would decide, but generally they wouldn’t grant overnight stays until a child is about 18 months old. The court would most likely want a schedule of increasing contact.

Once you had your son on your own, what you did with him and where you went together would usually be up,to you, so you could take him to visit his wider family.

I have been trying to work things out with the partner with no success, my aim was to spend as much time to bond with the child despite our differences. However, this approach is no longer working due to threats and she recently "Slapped me" after a heated argument. I did not respond, however my mental health is being affected by a women who doesn't listen to anyone opinion. Therefore, it looks like we will split when the baby is 3 months old so I am reserving my self to get weekly or bi-weekly access in order to save my health.

I have applied to a solicitor to request my name be placed on the birth certificate. However, I have a few questions.

1. I am concerned one of her relatives will adopt the baby prior to me getting parental responsibility. Is this possible as I am not on the birth certificate?
2. I consider her to be mentally unstable i.e threats of violence i.e I will call someone to beat you up ect? Will the court consider her mental health? she also says the baby sees ghosts.
3. I would like her to move out. However, will this go against me? She can go and live with her parents, I will give her notice of my intentions?

A court wouldn't put through an adoption that quickly and you would be able to block any attempt to do that. Just get your application in quickly and ask the solicitor to raise these concerns within the application.

Yes, the court should consider her mental health. If you have imminent concerns, you can contact Children's Services even though you are applying to court.

Personally, I wouldn't move out or ask her to leave right now. I would try and get advice from your solicitor on that situation.

You have a mountain to climb, and I’m sorry that as difficult things have been so far, it doesn’t look like they will get easier in the short term.

Where do you, her and the child live ? Is it rented, owned by you ? What are the current work arrangements ? Are you working ? Is she ? Maternity/paternity leave ?

What about extended family on both sides ? How far are they ? Does her family get involved with the child ?

Personally, i think more than a solicitor you need counselling to help you make sense of what’s happening. I also think that if you can find a way of keeping your mind healthy you’ll find a better outcome for your child.

Presumably you and her still have communication. Do realise that as soon as you involve solicitors there is a very high chance you will find yourself accused of being a domestic violence perpretator and a risk to the child. Keep calm and try to gather evidence to the contrary now. Do realise that this society is biased towards women being victims rather than perpetrators of violence and that’s part of the mountain you have to climb. Your best weapon is to stay sane.

Where do you, her and the child live ? together or she has gone to her parents which is a few miles away. She has registered all benefits, health visitor visits to her parents and she generally went every day.

Is it rented, owned by you ? Rented, I planed to buy but will hold off until my situation improves.

What are the current work arrangements ? I would full time
Are you working ? Yes

Is she ? She is on maternity

Maternity/paternity leave ? I asked for Paternity and didn't get this as I wasn't registered on the birth certificate!

What about extended family on both sides ? She visits my family once a week with me for 30 minutes.

How far are they ? 20 mins for her, 35 mins for mine

Does her family get involved with the child ? Yes, she will only allow her parents to baby sit the children and monitors mine like a hawk,

She will not let my mum or myself change a nappies or let me take the baby alone (3 Months old).

I pleaded with her father last night to allow me to have rights and be added to the birth certificate and he passed it to his wife. She told me the child belongs to her and her family and i have no right to be on the birth certificate, unless i treat her daughter how she wants to be treated i.e pay everything, dont give my family to much of a look in.