[Solved] My wife's expectations

I don't really know enough about the financial legal side of divorce to answer your question directly, but if you'll allow me, I'd just submit that when I separated ,earlier this year, I spent ages fretting about child maintenance and finance, and in hindsight, it was a waste of time, because it soon became apparent that I don't care about the money at all, I just care about the child, I miss cuddling him to sleep, giving him breakfast, playing in the park, that kind of thing.

You earn good money, you're probably smart, and whatever you spend now, you'll easily make it all again later. The time you don't spend with your boys is something you'll never earn back.

And do get legal advice, personally, I met with 2 different solicitors and ended up settling with one that had been recommended by someone at work.

Best of luck

With rhose figures, you definitely need legal advice, but if you can come to an amicalble agreement, it could save you booth a lot of money. You will have to declare your income's to each other anyway, so you may as well get it all out in the open.

From your reply, do you think then that the proposal is unreasonable? I have nothing to gauge it against really. I'm hoping to get some time with a solicitor this week.

I really think with the figures you are talking about, you need to take legal advice from a solicitor. I don't think many of us here can tell you what we think is reasonable. You would be very silly not to sit down with a solicitor and work this out. At the end of the day you both need to provide a home for your children and need to get it resolved asap.

Thanks Yoda, I'm due to see solicitors later this week...I'll let you know where I get to.

from what little i now that payment of £1 a year does not mean it is the end. It's an avenue to leave things open if she wishes to comeback for more later down the line.

Thanks Nilbo, I had thought that might be the case. I'm a little disappointed in her being underhand, or seeming to be. Such a shame with these things.

Thought I'd respond on this thread to save having too many open.

I've now heard from my ex's solicitor (first letter), claiming monthly costs for a household of 1 adult and 2 children (aupair also) is almost £5000 a month. They're suggesting I pay an additional £1100 (that's around £2300 total) a month from now on until finances are resolved in court otherwise they'll apply for maintenance pending suit. They've also asked for my P60 to calculate child maintenance.

The letter is with my solicitor now, so I'll see what the response is but my thoughts are 'no thanks' and maybe I just start the CMS process myself (something that's been suggested on here already). I don't know whether being confrontational and aggressive and harsh (like my ex is being), is wise though. I'm sick of how she's making me feel with each message she sends me demanding money....she doesn't care how her words are received.

hmmm....

I give my ex a copy of my P60 each year to prove that I have paid the right level of Child Maintenance - it can make things a lot simpler in the end - but you need to be happy sharing that information with her. Use the child maintenance options website to calculate how much you owe - it should be based upon you annual taxable pay as per your P60. Note your taxable pay can be affected by pension payments and salary sacrifice schemes.

with regards finances - you want to go for full and final settlement, you do not want to be on the hook for spousal maintenance for years to come - if she has a job she has to live within her means.

I would request a copy of the agreement you apparently signed that means she has an 80% share in the house and get your solicitor to check it.

But financial settlement is a case of adding up all the assets you both own, taking off the debts and dividing the pot in two (based upon what you both own) - for a full and final settlement you will need to give her more liquid assets/assets that can be realised quickly (ie the house). Your solicitor will advise you on getting valuations for assets etc.

With regards the children, you need to start seeing them as often as you can, yes overnights will be hard, but you need to maintain contact as much as possible.

I think right now, I'm not comfortable doing that...I'd rather do that with my solicitor/myself and then down the line start that (re P60).

I will push for full and final absolutely! I just hope that it isn't decided otherwise by court, my ex has the same if not higher earning potential than me (she has degrees, I just have years of working up the ranks).

I think the house ownership will come out in the wash so to speak, either she has that document stored away somewhere to use at the right time, or it doesn't exist. I'd argue though that as with most other things in our relationship I was bullied into it.

Assets wise, there's only really the house to consider from either side. I have a few cars but I have loans for them.

Totally agree on the children, that does worry me if things break down between us, how will either feel about having to deal with the other regarding the children access. It's so sad to think that I'm scared of my ex, but that's the way it is. She take passive aggressive (and sometimes just aggressive) to new heights.

l would seriously consider opening the CMS case yourself and get child maintenance sorted out - that way the court will leave that separate and only concern themselves with the split of the rest of the financials. You really don't want a clean break with child maintenance included as the CMS can override this after a year.