[Solved] My Wife Has Declined Mediation...

Thanks for the reply, it still doesn't really answer my question...maybe there isn't a vague answer.

I am happy to pay almost £1k to the children each month, that's not a small sum. If you consider that when we lived together I was only paying a few hundred more than that. I'm even happy to walk away from the house as an asset so I don't think I'm leaving anyone short.

Child maintenance is fair in my eyes, but not more than that when my ex is capable of earning £60k + easily. All the examples you read are always based on low income households. I don't want to sound like a terrible person but I don't believe it's wrong of me to want to protect and hold onto things that I value. I've had a good chunk of my life damaged by this person and now I've finally woken up and done something about it, I dread to think that she'll continue to damage my future by being vindictive.

Are there any examples of what would happen with assets other than the house?

Hi There,
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You say that your ex has a good earning potential, she isn't earning that yet is she by the sounds of things she is still in trianing.
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GTTS

Sorry for not being clear. She is currently highly trained in a medical career.

I think you can negotiate who gets what, if you are signing the house over to her, you do have some bargaining power and once you are agreed and it forms part of your divorce settlement you can ask for a clean break order so that she will not have any further claim on your assets.

If you agree a financial settlement for maintenance payments for the children via court order, be aware that this would only stand for 12 months. After that either parent can open a case with the CMS, which will override the court order.

As a matter of interest, have you contributed a fair bit to the house equity - if so, it might be worth asking your solicitor whether you can maintain a share of the equity until your children reach age 18, at which point your ex can buy you out or release your equity by selling the house. If she is a high earner, I would thinnk a court might be more amenable to this idea, but ask your solicitor.

I think you can negotiate who gets what, if you are signing the house over to her, you do have some bargaining power and once you are agreed and it forms part of your divorce settlement you can ask for a clean break order so that she will not have any further claim on your assets.

If you agree a financial settlement for maintenance payments for the children via court order, be aware that this would only stand for 12 months. After that either parent can open a case with the CMS, which will override the court order.

I think my worry is that the second car would be on the table at all. Signing the house over would hopefully be my trump card, but not needed! I would really want a clean break order.

Thanks for the heads up on the child maintenance, obviously it can go down if salary decreased but it's a bit worrying that it could go up!

As a matter of interest, have you contributed a fair bit to the house equity - if so, it might be worth asking your solicitor whether you can maintain a share of the equity until your children reach age 18, at which point your ex can buy you out or release your equity by selling the house. If she is a high earner, I would thinnk a court might be more amenable to this idea, but ask your solicitor.

Yes, if you count the time outside of maternity leave (where I paid all bills for months), then it's been 50/50 for 7 years and I'm still paying the same to my ex each month since I left. I don't really want them to have to sell or leave, maybe just release equity when it's remortgaged?

I would certainly look at alternatives to just handing over the equity - it is certainly worth seeing what your solicitor thinks woud be a best case and worst case (within reason).

THank you for the reply, I will speak to my solicitor about it and see what they say. I just worry that most cases you hear about are where the wife really goes after the husband and leaves the husband in a bad situation for the future.

My ex advised me earlier this week (when I asked) that she's not willing to go to mediation after us both having the MIAM. I had said in mine that I would pay child maintenance (obviously) and was flexible on the house equity but did not want to pay spousal maintenance.

The mediator passed that on which led to the outcome....so now it seems solicitors will get involved to do financial disclosure and then advise on what the outcome might look like? I'm going to ask the ex what her expectations are still and see what she says I guess.

The ex firmly believes that any court would be 'fair' and force me to supplement her income over and above the £1000 the CMS will instruct me to pay each month. Can anyone offer any advise on how things will go? Anyone care to say 'this is what happened in my situation' as it's really hard to have any idea of what is likely to happen.

I just wish, if she's unrealistic, that there is some way to educate her on it? Maybe I'm the unrealistic one...

Child maintenance is totally separate to spousal maintenance, and it really depends on whether she has a reasonable earning capability (depends on age of children as well). You really need to speak to a family lawyer to get an idea of what the possible outcomes are in relation to maintenance and a divorce settlement.

Thank you, I have spoken to my solicitor. As always no best guess as to outcome can be given! Her earning capacity is equal to or higher than mine, so I hope that spousal isn't on the cards. When I reach whatever outcome from this, I will be sure to post what happened...nobody seems to do this and I'm sure it would help?