[Solved] My Wife Has Declined Mediation...

Did you have an agreement in place for the maintenance?

Divorce is never nice and sadly you never know how the other half are going to play

Hi There,
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You have a couple of options, you could as you say just drop the amount and hope for the best, but I think that option wouldn't end well, she could then start to withold contact and open a case with CMS.
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I would start a case with CMS yourself, generally once you open a case they will say you can stop paying until they set an amount for you to pay, as it will be back dated to the date you opened the case.
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If you open the case you will have to pay the set up fees but it isn't that much to get things set up to an amount that can't be disputed.
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This is all assuming that the amount that you are paying is just for maintenance and doesn't form part of a mortgage payment. If it is part of a mortgage payment that you would need to continue paying towards that mortgage until you are released from it.
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GTTS

Setup fee is £20 for CMS - I agree completely with GTTS to go that way, much harder for her to argue with an official figure.

Thank you so much.

I have legal help now and they have said that reducing the monthly figure to the CM payment (which I worked out from the government site and would be what I'd be ordered to pay anyway) from next month is reasonable to get my ex to hopefully play ball. It's all guess work though as to whether she is playing me for a fool or not.

Yes there is a mortgage to be considered, that is 1100 per month between us, so me paying the CM figure still covers the mortgage half and leaves 400 ish left towards anything else.

My plan is to tell the ex tomorrow that that is what I'm going to do. All I want is for her to get mediation underway and for us to agree on finances (or at least know how it will look).

Hi There,
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If the CMS calculator is giving you the figure you mention above then that isn't towards the mortgage, that would be just for CMS and then you would still need to cover the mortgage on top of that.
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If you have taken the CMS figure and then added the nortgage payment then you are ok with what you have said you will pay.
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I would still open the case with them and get things set up correctly either way as it will save all the hassle of what to pay, they will set the amount. You can still pay that amount straight to your ex so no different than now other that the set up fee, but she can't argue whether she feels it is enough.
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GTTS

Understood, the CMS figure is purely what I'd have to pay in maintenance yes. So I'm not considering the mortgage no. I'm still on the mortgage, yet another thing to do...being told she wants me to sign over the house to her entirely. I haven't lived there since June.

Funny the solicitor said I could reduce my contribution, she didn't mention the mortgage point.

Hi There,
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You are legally bound to pay your share at least of the mortgage even though you aren't living there, becuase you are named on it.
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If you were to stop paying towards the mortgage then it would decrease the amount that you would possibly be able to gain from the equity.
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You need to discuss and form an agreement with your ex as to how the finances are sorted, there are a few options, you could freeze your share of the equity in the property until the children are at a suitable age, this option would mean that you could stop paying towards the mortgage, and your ex would take on the full payment, though be aware that if this is an option that you take if your ex stops making the payments then the mortgage company would then come after you for the shortfall, and if you couldn't make the payments the home could be taken from you.
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Your ex could buy you out and take a fresh mortgage in just her name, and give you a lump sum as a final settlement, this would always be the best option, as there is no chance of the either you having to make up any shortfall in payments missed by your ex, and you know that you can move on sooner as you have your money out of the house. it would mean that your ex would need to be able to take on the mortgage on her own with enough extra to be able to pay you off.
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GTTS

Thank you. I'm just trying to get mediation underway to allow me to budget for the future. If I do the cms service then would that mean I have to start paying that right away? If so I'd be worse off right now as the mortgage 50% would be another 550.

Hi There,
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If you set up a case with CMS then it would be from the date you contacted them, so would be straight away and they may back date the amount you pay to the date you contacted them.
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When my circumstances changed last year it took about 6 weeks before I started to pay the new amount and they didn't back date at all.
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GTTS

Little update.

My ex has now requested a more local mediation firm (they are way more expensive) and apart from me suggesting some alternatives, it looks like the process will start.

Today I paid £275 towards the petition and am assuming I'll get this through to agree with before decree nisi happens.

I've just had a raise at work today, my monthly income is very good and I'm really worried that my ex will get to this...sorry if that sounds selfish but I really don't her to continue ruining my life even after we separate.

I have an expensive (over £50k) car that a friend is buying off me, currently they pay my loan agreement on it each month, this is likely to happen before mediation ends.

I have £2600 on a credit card that I'm paying off regularly, I also have a loan of around £200 per month for my current daily car and also a loan of £250 for a bike for a friend, (he pays me each month for it and will pay it off before mediation ends as my credit is better than his).

I have just agreed to buy another car for some fun and as an investment (cars are my hobby) which is over £25k. I would collect the car before mediation ends.

My ex now has an aupair, is still studying law (in her final year of a transfer course from medicine) and has a good earning capacity I think. She also has wealthy parents who will give her an inheritance at some point perhaps, this will be in excess of £1M.

I continue to pay my share of the bills (but not the additional items my ex keeps asking me for, the aupair for example) even though I moved out to live with my parents in June (until I know what happens with all this). This is over £1200 per month.

I'm happy to pay what the government says is child maintenance (just less than £1k per month) and happy to give up the family home that is mortgaged but worth around £500k.

I can't find anything (short of asking my solicitor...which I don't want to do unless I really need to!) that will give me an idea on what will happen financially to my income and my assets...any pointers? I'm really worried that I'll have to sell my new toy or give it to my ex or that she'll some how get ongoing maintenance from me.

Hi There,
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I think that from your post above that you have a fair bit of spare money, and that although I was posting above on how to keep your out goings to your ex low, this wouldn't be fair as you have the means to pay what you should be.
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I am in agreement of non resident parents trying to get the amount they pay thier ex's low when they are struggling to live but it doesn't that is the case with you, you have money to spend 25k on a car for fun so really you should be supporting your children now when they need it, your ex's family may have money but they shouldn't be supporting your children from that and your children shouldn't need to wait until thier grandparents die to have money,
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Parents who have seperated and don't pay what they should when they have the means too are just as bad as those resident parents who try and take every penny they can from a struggling non resident parents when they are struggling to live on what they earn.
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Sorry this may sound harsh, but you have just written that you feel you have been taken for a ride and then that you are looking at spending 25k on a toy, you children have a lifestyle that they are used to and you should be helping to keep that going, maybe not the the same extent and they would need to cut back a bit but so do you.
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GTTS