Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Bm,
From day one I always explained to you that you need to manage your expectations of what you will achieve from court. And this is why I said that, because the abuse that you held your hands up to, and the severity of it, was always something that would be looked into before moving contact to an unsupervised basis.
I havent seen your cafcass report of course, but what they are recommending to the court seems proportionate to the level of abuse that hs been evidenced. Sadly, your wife set you up and recorded you threatening her whilst your son was present. That recommendation always had a good chance of being made given the situation. Thatdoesnt mean that the court will insist you have a risk assessment. The possibility exists that they might, hence it could be another hoop to jump through before contact progresses.
I feel bad for you that you are not going to have the contact with your son that you want in the short term, I really do. But the positive for you is that you still have a way forward.
Of course its up to the court to decide if the recommendation holds any weight and if it is appropriate in order for contact to move forward.
You can of course, like you say, argue that it was an isolated incident, and it has no bearing on any future contact between you and your son. You can also argue that the cost of these courses is unfinanceable, and thus would in itself form a bar to contact moving forward. You have enough to worry about in terms of paying for the contact centre, let alone expensive courses.
I suspect though that if you have already admitted to the wrongdoing then cafcass will finance the risk assessment, so it could be not as cost prohibitive as first thought.
One other thing you have to rely on is all the positive contact that has been going on for the last number of months.
Has there been any harm to the child in that time? Of course the answer is no. Thats real life evidence that you have demonstrated no danger to your son in that time.
For me, your case now has to be about demonstrating the positive contact that has taken place so far, and highlighting the lack of evidence to support the notion that you are a risk to your son. Because really there has to be clear and tangible evidence to show you are risk for contact to be kept supervised/supported. Is that one recording where a threat to kill was made, enough evidence to that end? Only the court can decide this.
Simon.
Hi Simon
I will argue the following
- I have never denied, since day one, that i did not argue with my wife and in the heat of the moment i did threaten her on one instance and regrettably my son was present
- I feel the risk assessment is not needed because (1) its an isolated incident, (2) me and my ex are now separated and therefore no longer living together to argue, therefore my son cannot be subjected to this conflict and (3) My ex has to date made no allegations that say im of any risk to my son (4) i have now had 20 weeks supported contact with no incident and both the contact centre staff and most importantly, my ex, have admitted in writing that my son enjoys spending time with me
- i have no police record and in our 10 year relationship not once have the police or social services been involved. My ex is a lawyer and well versed with the law, the way she has behaved in the current proceedings shows she is not someone who would have tolerated abuse for 10 years. I was set up, she wound me up and i fell into a trap (i wont say this)
- if they still insist on a risk assessment then it should be funded since (1) i cant afford it and (2) i have admitted threatening my wife
How does that sound?
Im tempted to bring up the fact that my ex is a lawyer/barrister and why exactly she was recording in the first place but i guess it will be dismissed.
I might just do the risk assessment BUT what I'm wondering if it would be a pointless excercise
- they'll interview both me and my ex wife
- she'll repeat her allegations
- i'll deny her allegation but I'll admit to arguing with her and threatening her. But i'll point out that now that we're seperated these wont happen anymore.
- the risk assessment will conclude that I did threaten my wife but I deny DV allegation making me eneligable for the DV course
Back to where we were but I wouldve wasted £1600.
POINTLESS
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.