[Solved] My tale of woe so far

Hello, I thought I better explain my story

Ok we werent getting on for years if the truth were told, we were married after knowing eachother for about 2 or 3 years but I should have known things werent right as within the first year I suggested a divorce, anyway as usual head in the sand and soon we were brought a bit closer by the pitter patter of tiny feet, then three years later another pair of tiny feet. After this and the snip things became mundane and we drifted farther and farther apart. The only thing holding me there was the kids. Anyway eventually seperation was agreed and I moved out of the house, initially for a month, ( laughs I hear ) but I went back because I couldnt bear leaving the kids. However although sleeping in a spare room for another couple of months it was plain to see it still wasnt working so I found a flat nearby and moved out and have been there for just about 2 years now.

The flat was very close so kids could visit ( 10 and 7 years old ) as often as possible as I wanted them to stay with me whenever I was home. ( working offshore for weeks at a time ).

The nitty gritty became obvious with the finances.

I have been paying her just under £1400 a month to cover the kids and her maintenance which she requires to " keep a standard of living she has become accustomed to..."
She is still living in the house which is in my name only and I pay the mortgage.
She pays for the heating, electricity, council tax, insurance and only recently the telephone and broadband
She doesnt work and cannot due to health issues and is registered disabled and claims a car, along with disability benefits etc yet can manage to partake in helping with childrens activities ( swimming and guides ) and look after three big dogs which the kids tell me they cannot stand anymore and tell me how much they like to come and stay at mine as it smells clean and tidy!

I must add that i reside in Scotland where the spousal maintenance is a little different as well as the divorce laws with regard to sharing the pot.

So basically I have been trying to ensure that the kids are kept in clothes, food, activities and to enjoy their childhood and not miss out on anything, whilst my ex has been seeking to suck me dry of funds in a near bitter and twisted jealous anger.

I have a girlfriend who has been supporting me but the whole seperation is taking its toll on that relationship and I am finding it really hard to see any light at the end of the tunnel.

My solicitor hasnt seemed too strong and from what I can tell I have to pay her 3 years of spousal maintenance after which I either dont or depending on her needs and disability I may need to pay for longer.

I have no cause for concern for any payment which is for the children I love and cherish them dearly and would not think twice about making sure they are safe secure and supplied for but I cannot continue to pay for the spouse in this way.

With regards to the house which is in my name, apparently she is not entitled to any of it apart from any value added during the marriage which in this case would be the value added by the conservatory and the extension however the extension was paid for by an extension loan over and above the mortgage, so in effect am i right in saying she would be entitled to half the value added by the extension and conservatory but she would be obligated to give back half the cost of the extension which i have solely paid for and still am?

The next big issue for me is I dont want to upset kids and move them out of the house i own but dont live in, but would prefer if the ex would leave there. The kids would still be able to live there with me if i was to move back in. But with the same token, does this mean I have to let the spouse live there basically rent free until the kids are of 18 or completed further education?? It seems she wants all the money from the house and to live in it for free and still get maintenance, whilst i rent a property and furnish it so the kids have somewhere nice to stay with me.

All the money I give to her which again is for maintenance and kids but I pay for everything at the rented property i stay in and when i am home i make sure i have the kids as often as i can overnight 3 or four times a week. Yet i have to pay a full months maintenance to her to pay for kids who are staying with me? it seems strange. But as I say i just want the kids to have a great life and not let them suffer, take them to activities to try in life as they dont seem to get the same opportunity at their mums

I am totally lost now and have tried to thrash this out with her but she seems content to sit and take the money every month. I just need to clarify what i legally have to pay her.
Again as for the children I have no problem paying for them and would pay more as long as the funds were going to them.

I know every case is different but any advice or life experience would be gratefully taken onboard.

Thanks and even writing this makes me feel a bit better as i have bottled everything up and then my girlfriend seems to get the brunt of my frustration and annoyance.