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This is my journey through the process of applying for a variation to a contact order. I hope this can offer a little insight to some but most of all offer motivation to you all, it's not always easy but you're in the right place to get the help and advice you need.
I had a previous thread on here asking for advice and likely outcomes, I will post the link up to it later. I would also like to thank everyone who replied and offered me advice in that thread. A special thanks goes out to mojo for all the help and support.
After we both attended the required mediation appointment it was deemed unsuitable as the ex refused to go anymore. I made an application to the court which was easy apart from a little bit of paperwork getting lost.
cafcass
I received a letter from cafcass telling me they would like to conduct a telephone interview with me.
The cafcass call lasted for around one hour and I must admit I felt like the women was against me and even felt like I was been goaded slightly to see if I would lose my temper. Keep your cool and come across as calm and keep everything child focused. I was informed that due to allegations made against me a section 7 was the most likely outcome.
cafcass report
When I received the report I read through it a few times, in my report the mums concerns and issues were the first part of the report and parts of it made me angry, reading the report a second time I realised it was a fair report and most of all it definitely was child focused.
If you can get someone else to read it and give you their opinion on it.
In the end we didn't need a section 7 as an enhanced police check showed a lot of what was said wasn't true.
Court
My first court date was upon me. I had my hair cut, dry cleaned my suit and made sure I was clean shaven. I wanted to look as good as possible for court and the added bonus was it gave me some added confidence.
When I entered court I gave my letter to the usher along with 3 copies of my position statement. I was called in to speak to cafcass about what my thoughts were about the report. We spoke a bit and cafcass decided it would be best to try family group conferencing, both attend a separated parents course and complete a partenting plan.
We was then called before the judge who was really nice and impartial the judge agreed with cafcass recommendations and gave us some time frames to be working to and if we cannot come to an agreement between us then the courts will have to make the decisions.
I will keep you all updated on how it goes.
Thanks to all the staff and all the people who offer advice on this forum, you're all great.
To all the dads who are going through court, keep your heads up and keep on fighting.
It can be very difficult at times and it can get you down, just remember why you're doing it! Don't let the ex get to you, don't let the lies get to you.
what was your story mate, im going thro it now, is it in your other posts?
Sorry for the long break between posts but life has been a little hectic over the last year or so.
After the second court appearance it was decided that we would try family group conferencing.
The family group conferencing coordinator tried to speak to my daughter at school and she was quite shy, he then made an appointment to speak to her at home where both her mum and grandma where present which I believe shouldnβt be allowed to happen and intimated her.
We had a conference with the coordinator with me, my partner, my ex and her mum present which was basically 90 minutes of me being abused by the ex partners mother and nothing really solved.
I asked the coordinator to speak to my daughter again with me present this time as I felt it was unfair.
I took my daughter to see the coordinator and he spoke to her in a separate room without me present but he did at least get a much more fair response from her this time and she was actually favourable to some of the changes I was seeking.
We had a final family group conferencing meeting with me, my ex, her mother and her grandma present.
This meeting was even worse and I was subject to abuse for over 2 hours, we did actually make some progress towards the end (despite the exβs mother being very unhappy) with only one issue left for the court to decide.
With one week before we had to exchange our statements I thought things looked promising.
The day was upon us and it was finally time to exchange statements.
I was extremely shocked to see that the ex had gone back on everything we had agreed at family group conferencing and wanted to reduce my time with my daughter even more!
Court time came around quite quickly and while in court I was asked how I thought things had gone and had we made any progress.
I explained that we had spent weeks going through family group conferencing and finally made some agreements only for my ex to change her mind in her statement and want the complete opposite, the judge wasnβt happy and asked the ex why she had changed her mind and she replied she doesnβt know.
The judge went through the list of what we couldnβt agree on and the ex agreed to everything we had agreed to at family group conferencing again. We couldnβt agree on Christmas so the court decided on that and I was happy with the result.
It can be a long journey and it can get you down but you can do!! Remember why youβre doing it and try and keep your cool, donβt let your emotions get the better of you and slowly pick apart all the lies and try to prove the truth.
Sometimes the anger and upset can cloud your judgement and stop you thinking straight.
Sounds like a good result overall, glad it went well.
Great advice and well done!
Sounds like a good result overall, glad it went well.
I was happy with the result but still having a few problems with the ex family but even court and parenting courses canβt help some people.
Great advice and well done!
I couldnβt have done it without the help and support you offered during the whole process! I still cannot thank you enough.
Iβm still having issues with the grandma and Iβll probably update my old thread here tomorrow when I have more information.
Hope you are well π
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