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My ex absconded with our children and cut all contact. Please advise.

 
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Posts: 1
 Dadincrisis
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Topic starter
May 18, 2024 10:24 am
(@dadincrisis)
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Joined: 10 months ago
So I came home from work Friday last week to an empty house. My ex, who was still living with me and the kids, took our 1 and 4 year old boys and disappeared (i assume to a family members in a different county over 2 hours away).
 
She sent a message saying she and the boys wouldn't be coming back until either I handed in my notice to the house, or she found somewhere else to live. She said she wouldnt stop me seeing the kids but the housing issue needed to be resolved first. I called the police but they called her and she told them she was safe, so there is nothing they can do, except tell me if I kept messaging her asking where our kids were I could be done for harassment. The police told me to give her the weekend and that she had said she would contact me.
Monday morning I hired a solicitor, and tried to get a child arrangements order, and a prohibited steps order to get her to return the children to the county and not take them out again without my permission, and another order to return our 4 year old to preschool as he is slightly behind in his education. 
We had a meeting last week with his preschool where they stated how well he was progressing and how important the next few weeks were for him in the lead up to school in September.
My solicitor emailed her and gave her until Wednesday to respond, to which she did not, and so we had to apply for a no notice c100 application.
She and her whole family blocked my number and Facebook (apart from her who has "restricted" me)
 
I have since sent her 3 messages, via whattsapp which she has read, but not responded to. 
 
One was asking for at least a phone call with the boys. The next one was to let her know that her dad tried to gain access to the house whilst I was at work on Wednesday, but was unsuccessful, as I had changed the locks. 
 
I said I was happy to facilitate her grabbing any belongings she wished. I also again mentioned that I would like at least a call with the boys, and a dialogue on access arrangements.
 
Our landlord spoke to his legal team and they agreed that as she left the house, and I was not denying them access that all they had to do was talk to me to gain access to the house.
 
The next message was me suggesting she could come and pick up whatever stuff she wanted from the house, and could drop the boys off Saturday evening, and I would make sure our eldest was in preschool on the days he goes in (Monday and Wednesday)and then she could pick them up again on Wednesday, to make it the 50/50 split custody we had agreed upon prior to her leaving.
 
I am at a loss of what to do.. I am trying to do everything above board, and stay as calm as I can, but I miss my boys. They are my very reason for being. The fact she is willing to use them as a bargaining chip quite frankly disgusts me and it feels like everything I am doing is all in vein.
 
 I am worried the court process is going to take so long and it is already taking everything in me to not drive down to every family member of hers to try and find them to take them home, or even see if they are okay.
 
I am not trying to take them from her, as she has done, I just want to see them but it's getting harder and harder, especially with 0 contact with any of them since I got home last week.
 
Can I do anything else? I'm at a total loss, short of getting in my car and searching for them, but then, even if I find them, all it will cause is a scene which is only going to negatively effect the boys, and that is not something I want to put them through but what she is doing is so cruel and unjust and it feels like she is getting away with it. 
 
If the court proceedings take 6-8weeks until the first hearing as i have read, i cannot wait that long.
 I fear she will try and establish a new routine with them, wherever she is now, and a judge will be reluctant and to bring them home and break said routine.
 
It feels like I'm losing by doing everything right. Sorry for the long post, I just don't know what to do.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
2 Replies
Posts: 5399
 DadMod2
May 20, 2024 11:05 am
(@dadmod2)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi,

I think it would be bad ideanto go and look for kids. As police mentioned, you could get in trouble for harassment. She mentioned sh3 would drop the kide to you on Saturday. Did that happen?

Keep the message where you both agree 50/50. Think all you can do now is use solicitor's to try make arrangements with her, while your waiting for a court date.

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1 Reply
 conan1234
Registered
(@conan1234)
Joined: 9 months ago

Active Member
Posts: 9
May 29, 2024 6:19 pm
Reply to DadMod2

@bill337 

this sounds almost like what has happened to me 4 months ago. its like theres a book out there that they follow. i hate to tell you this but if the courts get involved and there are any allegations of abuse it is unlikely to get resolved at the first hearing. it will take 6 months or so to get to the second and then another 3 for the next if my research and experience is anything to go by. my advice is to get a counsellor for someone to talk to or you risk becoming unfit to see your kids again. the mental damage can be awful. they dont seem to care if the damage is caused by not seeing the kids in the first place. if your ex wont speak to you, like mine, you cant resolve it amicably. research cafcass asap. prepare for a long haul. your letter about 50/50 access wont even get seen by the court until the third hearing unless you force it into the court process somehow. make sure you mention it in your c100. i had the same but my solicitors didnt advise i refer to it. i now wish i had. good luck. some of these cases drag on for years. try to make up with your ex as best you can but in a way that avoids harrassment claims. maybe get lawyer to communicate on your behalf?  i had exactly the same problem here too.

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